Standing up to a narcissistic big sister

Read up on the 'grey rock' method Love.

Keep your emotions hidden. Keep verbal responses brief giving as little information as possible. Don't react to anything intended to produce an emotional response ie anger and hurt.
Keep any conversations to arranging contact with the children and nothing more.

I recognise a lot of this terrible narcissistic behaviour
My husband is a narcissist
I had no idea until fairly recently about this pattern of behaviour that plays out in a predictable way
Now I recognise the pattern I can deal with it to a certain level
Walking away , not reacting , low key responses and oh I recognise this ‘ I don’t take criticism ‘ line ‘
He’s been bad mouthing me to relatives who now think he’s the victim !
It’s classic god I wish I’d had knowledge of this behaviour and how to deal with it years ago
I think girls particularly ( not being sexist ) should be educated to be aware of this pattern of grooming
I’ve been driven to low depths especially during poor health when the daily verbal battering ‘ you are worthless everyone thinks you mad ‘ etc was stepped up and support was non existent
I realise now stepping out of this even emotionally is the only way
I’m now rebuilding my contacts snd interests amongst ‘ normal ‘ people and feel so much better
Beyond that I don’t know yet it all takes time

Dazy-I sympathesise with you .

It's very painful to have a blood relative behave in a vindictive way against you .

It has happened to me .

And the only thing that you can do is distance yourself or simply walk away .

In my case there is a complete lack of respect.
There was insistence on meeting up and then being shouted and sworn at .
I have felt like a punch bag .
And I have been hit as well .

I'm wishing the strength to walk away from what is a hopeless relationship.

This is a husband not blood relative but yes pattern is the same and can degenerate into violence too

I’m so sorry you've had to suffer this esmay
I have too

Horti I was more or less thinking the same, but didn`t know how to say it, of course we know that some men/boys also experience this, but it does seem a lot of women/girls..

"I think girls particularly ( not being sexist ) should be educated to be aware of this pattern of grooming"

Horti -
I'm very sorry that you've suffered abuse .
Whether it's from a non -blood relative or blood relative in the family it's horrendous and totally unacceptable.

Horti, be aware that narcissists do not like the loss of control and their behaviour can escalate. There is a big difference between dealing with a narcissist at a distance and living with one when trying to take back your life.

I think girls particularly ( not being sexist ) should be educated to be aware of this pattern of grooming

Actually, I think male and female should be educated about this.

I agree that education on this subject is just as important to males as females icanhandthemback.

Yes I’ve heard about escalation problems into violence when victims try to move on or even after that time as revenge

I know some people are labelled incorrectly with this but it’s a truly scary thing when you are close to it
And unpredictable

And can lead to all sorts of health problems for the victim both physical and mental

When I contacted an agency they were able to identify the behaviour but unable to give any ‘ how do you deal with it ‘ info

Very disappointing seems you are on your own

Take it from someone who has suffered the same fate, but at the hands of a younger sister I tried so hard to please.
Once both my parents had died I cut all contact and no regrets at all.
I realise now how evil she was.
Look up some Buddhist reasonings, they explain such a lot and save your sanity and you can then experience a peaceful mind at last

No further contact seems a reasonable approach.

Horti
Contact Women's Aid.
Confide in GP.

Thank you Wrlbeck
I e done both of these things and tried other agencies but neither could help with ! What you can do about it ‘ but ok listening and verifying the behaviour
That’s the frustration

Have you told her how you feel?

I’m uneasy with the ‘cut all ties’ advice, as I know the pain that estrangement can cause - we see it on here every day. Even worse when people have no idea why it happened.

Maybe it will be the only option if she refuses to change her behaviour, but is it worth having a conversation about it to find out her point of view, and see if she’s willing to make an effort?