Calling all adult children

User142374

sweetpotatopie

The problem with all of this, in my opinion, is that all we can get from any estranged adult child or estranged parent is their take on it.

That includes what they truly believe and also possibly only what they want to claim. But it usually seem pretty obvious that person the speaker is estranged from would be saying something different.

I really wish it was possible to hear both sides of an estranged child- adult estranged child pair. Then we might get somewhere!

You are completely correct that my estranged parent (and many others) would be saying something completely different, but that doesn't prove the point you're trying to make.

If you asked me about my childhood, I would list extensive cases of non-stop abuse and neglect. If you asked my estranged parent, they would have severe selective memory and excuses that would paint her in the best possible positive light.

What you need to ask is not what the other party would be saying, but which party has more to gain from lying (and one side IS lying because both sides have polar opposite realities).

Does a child really gain more from becoming an orphan than a (supposed) abuser hiding their failures, misdeeds and crimes?

You decide.

I'm not trying to prove any point at all, User142374. And I am not asking the question you are turning my post into.

I meant what I said, which is that I think it would be more valuable to hear both sides of actual estranged parent-child pairs than only hearing from unattached individuals.

I am an estranged adult child, by the way.

I think both parties in estrangement have things they could have done better. There's a communication breakdown and no one is without "fault" except in cases of abuse.

I raise my eyebrows at anyone who thinks they did nothing wrong when communication breaks down this badly.

I estranged my mother in 2021 and since then I've been working on my mental health. I've identified ways that I could have maintained our relationship. I just didn't have the emotional maturity, and neither did she.

Now I know how to set and maintain boundaries so I could coexist with her without allowing myself to be yanked around emotionally. If I knew in 2021 what I know now, I wouldn't have cut her off completely.

I'm not saying I regret it though, because that emotional growth was never going to happen unless I broke away.

I don't blame her like I used to. I think she did her best. I just had to do the right thing for myself and I didn't know any other way back then.

But now I've done something about my emotional maturity and she hasn't. I'm not looking to reintroduce that stress back into my life when I know she hasn't changed at all. I'm better off and it wish that weren't the case.

Hithere you would say that as you where a member of her clique that always sided with her no matter how cruel and offensive she became.

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Yep knew you would appear. So predictable.

NoMoreNarcan

Most people, including myself, see parents that aren't in contact with their children as a huge, glaring, red flag.

They rightfully wonder how awful of a human they have to be that even their own children want absolutely nothing to do with them.

They may be that 1 in million case where they live in a Disney film with an evil spouse who bewitched their child, or a big rock fell on their child's head and completely changed them as a person. But otherwise, it's safe to assume that their children willingly chose to become orphans for a very, very good reason.

Not always. My two stepsons estranged my DH and back again, for years.

Despite agreeing my late DH had been a great Dad, one estranged because we wouldn’t fund his alcohol/gambling addictions. 🤷‍♀️

The other one estranged because he considered elderly parents become an increasing burden, and didn’t want to be there.🤷‍♀️

So, no rocks on heads, no evil parent, no spouse to blame, nothing to blame but addiction and selfishness.

Their choice - I put up with their crap for years, to support DH.

But, when he died, and they stood there wanting their perceived financial ‘entitlements’ they found out that I always think revenge is a dish best served cold. 😉.

The reason for them to lie about their observations User is because they were fed by VioletSky as part of her continued vendetta against some EP's here on GN, because she was banned for the second time.

The link you've provided is extremely offensive to some loyal and long time members of GN so I've asked GNHQ to remove it.

Such is her inability to move on, that she continues to return with different names.

I agree that that would be valuable sweetpotatopie but I think we can all see that that is never going to happen.

Yes Whiff Hithere's 'defence' is no surprise.

Thank you for your post DL, I was hoping that you would see this thread and contribute as your experience debunks the belief that good, decent, kind and loving parents are never estranged.

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It was one alternate account User which was wrong and the reason GNHQ banned me.

However, after I'd emailed them reminding them of how I and others had been stalked and bullied by her and others which led to her first ban, and this was happening again now she was back, which was why I created a second account in the hope that I could post in peace, GNHQ carried out a full investigation and a week later reinstated me.

Had I been harassing others with my one alternate account, GNHQ would never have allowed me to return so anyone's false claim that I did merely supports what I've said. They cannot possibly be simple observations when what they claim to have observed, never happened.

Your response to DiamondLily @ 10.05 is a prime example of how some AC are unable/unwilling to accept responsibility for their own behaviour so blame their parents.

Of course you wanted to name names User which is why you provided the link, you just didn't want to be seen to be doing so.

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User *Raising a child that ends up as a gambling drug addict and burdening the other with elderly care isn't as great of a point you
think *

Hmm just a touch simplistic!

Of course it doesn't exactly scream good & loving home to you User because you tar all EP's with the same brush and naively believe that all EAC are free from blame because it suits your agenda to do so.

Thankfully on this forum, we have EP's who don't judge all EAC based on their personal experiences and are able to offer kindness and support to those who come here, providing of course they're mature enough to reciprocate.

User could you just explain why VioletSky was banned twice if she was such a blameless soul?
I'm not expecting a reply - you are very good at ignoring questions that don't fit your agenda

Of course you're fully inclined to believe them User; it suits your agenda to do so but it's 'no skin off my nose' so maybe you should change tack.

Or perhaps you can say why people on the gender threads can still remember her behaviour, nothing to do with estrangement. Or why she is still around under new name/ backstory.

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The thing is - the people who are most difficult to deal with, are those who can be pleasant when it suits them - but who are total nightmares most of the time (which is when their true colours show).
Again - you won't be able to find evidence of what she was really like as those posts were deleted by GNHQ (in the same way that so many of your abusive remarks no longer exist)

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