Calling all adult children

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No she didn't Hithere.

After being reported for coming back and being allowed to stay, her so called apology consisted of excusing her behaviour due to being neurodivergent; being on the wrong medication and being drawn into discussions by others who were 'cleverer' than her.

It is very unfortunate as you say LavenderGround that a thread intended to enable EP's and EAC to share together has been weaponised to attack EP's here.

Interesting though how the one responsible has asked for their posts to be deleted and now you, whose never posted on GN before, has suddenly appeared with the same offensive approach .

Wow, the trolls are out in force now, deeply unpleasant ,
Smileless, thanks for reporting, though i think there is more to come.

As Bette Davies as Margo Channing said in 'All About Eve' Bridey "fasten your seat belts it's going to be a bumpy night".

It might be worth reflecting that those of us on the gender threads at the time had a very similar experience with that poster. I would say it us interesting that two entirely different groups of people are raising similar concerns.

FWIW, I stopped waiting here as an EAC a few years back due to the passive aggressive comments that always came from EP. (In general, not naming names). An example of the he biggest one is, "if you are estranged, why haven't you healed". (Generally, not a quote) Thank goodness I have healed after my abusive mother passed away, but it took me 3 years after her death.

EP and EAC can not really coexist here IMO, not for long. Or anywhere else on the Internet.

My opinion only of course, as an EAC who posted here for a long time then finally left.

Yes I know Galaxy, I was on the gender threads at the time too.

Well I know you and I have had some meaningful and certainly not unpleasant exchanges in the past imaround so I think it's unfair TBH to make that generalisation without a specific example, because I don't believe I'm the only one to have done so and I wont and never have judged all EAC based on the unpleasant ones I've encountered here.

EP's and EAC can coexist if they want too but it does look from what we've seen here today that there will always be some who just don't want that to be the case.

I have a very good friend that I met here on GN on the estrangement forum who no longer posts and is an EAC.

I think there is a major disparity between the 2 parties. I have often seen estranged parents acknowledge that some parents deserve to be estranged - and actually support posters who are considering doing this.
But I have never seen an adult child accept that there are times when parents are estranged unfairly - and I don't just mean their own parents - they lump ALL parents together and load on the abuse.
Unsurprisingly this intolerance causes great upset to parents who know for sure they did nothing unreasonable.

Yes Smileless, we have. But your post today is an example of why I stopped. As an EAC, I am always expected to bring examples. It is simply not enough for me to say that I felt unwelcome here many times as an EAC. I am also aware of the irony in saying that as I know that EP feel the same way here.

I am thankful I am at a spot where I can remove myself from the larger drama of EP/EAC (generally worldwide, not just here or personally) and focus on building relationships individually with people no matter what their story is, as I have felt you and I have done, especially over in Politics.

It is just my opinion based on my experience, and not something anyone should take offense of.

As someone caught in the middle between and estranged parent and an estranged child (my sister and my niece) it has been an interesting experience. Here the animosity seems to go both ways, perhaps understandably sometimes. With my personal situation my niece has been kind and does not want to put me in the middle, my sister has been harder to manage as she will go lengths of time not speaking to me if I don't pass on messages or agree with her about my niece.

I think you just have to look at each situation seperately. Sometimes the clues are there as to who was right or wrong in a given situation. Where it comes to some kind of abuse you have to look at the reactions I would say. Is someone reacting to something or are they pulling the strings? Those pulling the strings are often very good at disguising them.

Please accept my apologies imaround. You're absolutely right that all you needed to say is you felt unwelcome posting as an EAC without giving examples.

I've foolishly allowed the unpleasant generalisations to get under my skin and it was wrong of me to respond to you the way I did. After all these years you'd think I'd know better .

I agree with what you say about the disparities eddiecat; there is a tendency to lump all EP's together as toxic.

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Yawning due to the repetitiveness of some of the posts we've had on here today.

NoMoreNarcan

Most people, including myself, see parents that aren't in contact with their children as a huge, glaring, red flag.

They rightfully wonder how awful of a human they have to be that even their own children want absolutely nothing to do with them.

They may be that 1 in million case where they live in a Disney film with an evil spouse who bewitched their child, or a big rock fell on their child's head and completely changed them as a person. But otherwise, it's safe to assume that their children willingly chose to become orphans for a very, very good reason.

Actually that's what I thought - until it happened to me. Now I realise it can happen to anyone - justified or not

Years ago now, I had a different user name and after constant bombardment by VS I left for quite a while. Her posts had got quite manic and I had had enough. I rejoined under a different name
. Careen, plus other posters who sound like her, are I think the same poster with serious mental health issues, the system lets them down and he/she wants a reaction, it makes the person feel listened too. I would have thought it was difficult for one person to have different e mail address's and user names. The best way to deal with this person is to report and not engage with them, just say you are reporting. They are not listened to and will eventually get tired of being silenced. Same way you wouldn't get into a running race with someone with a broken ankle, you cannot talk reasonably with such a peeson.

NoMoreNarcan

Most people, including myself, see parents that aren't in contact with their children as a huge, glaring, red flag.

They rightfully wonder how awful of a human they have to be that even their own children want absolutely nothing to do with them.

They may be that 1 in million case where they live in a Disney film with an evil spouse who bewitched their child, or a big rock fell on their child's head and completely changed them as a person. But otherwise, it's safe to assume that their children willingly chose to become orphans for a very, very good reason.

So it would seem.

It is easy to do Smileless, for all of us.

I would never give examples in this case because it would put a spotlight on some posters and I don't believe there is anything to be gained by that, especially on this board which is already a hotbed. And I don't believe anyone has said things with malice, just with emotions based on what side of the estrangement coin we are on.

stillawipp
I agree wholeheartedly. For everyone involved, it can be painful to see posts and comments that remind you of the person you estranged or your estranger, but I see a lot of performative cruelty and I hate that.

Allsorts

Careen, what a dreadful post. Did it make you feel better? You have serious issues that need addressing.

I missed the post could someone tell me what it said. Is there a DM function on gransnet?

Hithere

Violetsky gave a very honest and from the heart apology, if anybody remembers.

Memory is selective, as usual.

This thread is a prime example why EPs and AE cannot talk in the same thread - sadly

It may start ok but it does not end well - personal attacks, insults, calling each other troll

It is a futile exercise.

All the messages were deleted before I could see them. Were they nasty? It seems if they were normal constructive massages they wouldn't have been removed. I am new here so if I am getting this wrong I would appreciate you telling me.

No you're not wrong Beescrete, the posts have been removed because they were nasty.

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Now what possible motive could you have for reposting that Guardian? GNHQ deleted the original post because it was nasty, cruel, vicious and, most importantly, full of lies. Violetsky /Careen has been labouring under the illusion that they were both far more emotionally and mentally mature than anyone else on these boards. Nothing could be further from the truth. She did not decide to completely stop posting; she was forced to because she was banned! She was not ganged up on for her neurodivergence; she wouldn't learn from the constant reprimands for breaching GNHQ guidelines and so was banned! And even now, years later, she's still refusing to take responsibility for her own behaviour; cannot move on with her life and is still blaming others for the repercussions her actions bring about.

Because I believe that you reposted the Careen's post with malicious intent, I've requested GNHQ to delete it again and to consider why you, a new poster, decided to do that.

The problem with all of this, in my opinion, is that all we can get from any estranged adult child or estranged parent is their take on it.

That includes what they truly believe and also possibly only what they want to claim. But it usually seem pretty obvious that person the speaker is estranged from would be saying something different.

I really wish it was possible to hear both sides of an estranged child- adult estranged child pair. Then we might get somewhere!

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