Emotionally abusive??

Wise words MOnica.

Oldbatty - Thank you for your kind words. I do not think there is any way to resolve my situation. I have only been a source of money or services to my DCs. Them using me for babysitting is only one aspect. I have been criticised to such a level that I really thought I was totally useless. I didn't even realise that they were lying. I trusted them. But if I was really so useless why would they make me babysit. Surely they would want to protect their children from being left with someone who is too stupid to know to breathe. There has also been physical violence towards me to such an extent that I was reported as a vulnerable adult. This pressure has been on me for a great number of years, more than 15 years, and I don't see how they could ever make up for the sheer nastiness of it all. There is so much I could say but there is the basics.

I am saddened by some of the stories on GN, and wanted to redress the balance a little.
Not all adult children behave like this and I think mostly we have brought up kind and caring adults who have respect for others.
Seems sometimes we enable the bad behaviour by not being firm and saying 'no' when its necessary. Our adult children need to find their own way in the world and achieve independence. Support them where we can but we can't and shouldn't try to make life perfect.

I once described my mother as being 'elderly' on social media. BIG MISTAKE! It wasn't meant to be rude, I just couldn't think of any other word for her age.

I'd put up the post because I found a way of giving the gift of a box filled with favourite and useful things instead of one possibly unwanted present. I shared it and mentioned I'd put it together for my 'elderly' mum.

She rang me up to say how annoyed with me she was when she read it.

I really hadn't expected her reaction. Now, I don't write ANYTHING about family or myself, as you just don't know how people respond.

I would certainly ask your DD what she meant, whether you saw it inadvertently or not, otherwise it may stay on your mind. Better to ask now rather than bring it up weeks/months/years later so at least you may have some kind of explanation.

Westerly it sounds awful. So are you not in contact at all now?

Farnorth, I read your article about emotional abuse. It was unscientific and took a default position that everything wrong with an adult's life could be blamed on their parents. It was followed by an ad which started 'Four things about your Zodiac...' Said it all, really.

Yes, no parent gets it truly right, but then children grow up and get some perspective. My mother exhibited many of the traits deliniated in the article and I was very damaged by my parents' acrimonious divorce. However, looking at their own upbringing I realise that they did what they could under the circumstances.

Parents cannot be held responsible for behaviour which they hold in common with others of their time and judged by criteria which were hardly known by them and their peers. It would be like saying parents were rotten because they have their children butter if, in twenty years time, it was no longer the fashion to do so.

Psychobabble and zodiacs. Says it all.

the article was fairly light weight but I could identify with many of the points raised. I guess if you do feel you have been the victim of emotional abuse what are you going to do with this information?

I wasn't recommending the info in the article, just giving it as an example of what people mean when they say parents are/were emotionally abusive.

I think that some young people today give no thought to their parents' backgrounds or life situation while bringing up children. They feel that anything other than a perfect childhood (whatever that is) is abusive towards them.

Good post, Lilyflower. None of us are perfect.
Because of the really awful relationship I had with their father ( due to his unpredicted mental illness) our children suffered a lot.
I apologised to each of them not long ago, they've all coped with it in their own way.
I have a step daughter too, we used to get on eachother's nerves, but when she became a mother herself we warmed to eachother at last.
These relationships can't be put into neat classifications.

Oldbatty- It is best to stay away from situations which are bad for me.
FarNorth - You second paragraph sums things up exactly. When I was young I thought I was full of style with my tartan trousers my home made dresses and hand knitted cardis. Our children would be horrified in those clothes. One of my DCs mentioned the dorky clothes they had. At the time they were the style. They don't seem to think at all.
I am so delighted that the younger generation are so perfect and their children will never moan about the clothes they wore today.

westerly you sound really fed up. Is there any body you can talk to about this situation?

Oldbatty - I would not say a word to anyone at the moment. I have my thoughts on what to do about this in the long term. Currently I have freedom from all the various abuses and that alone is an improvement