Stubborn H

There can always be huge financial difficulties that prevent people leaving a partner particularly if it's not serious physical violence .
It is so not your responsibilty. I would suggest ignoring his tantrums do not sort his medications out that is his responsibility leave him to it that is his problem not yours. You stay strong and firm about this. Ignore the blame game he is trying to play. Keep up your visits to friends as someone else said leave some tins of beans or such that he can cook for himself.
Be as non-confrontational as you can manage but matter of fact about the fact you are not doing stuff for him.
Riverwalk I have known a supposedly intelligent proffessor who has behaved like that.

My first husband was like this. we were married for 29 years, then he died. It wasn't until I was on my own that I realised how miserable life had been with him. When I married again, I discovered what it was like to be married to a loving, decent, caring man. I lost him 3 years ago to Dementia, after 20 lovely years. Looking back, I can't think why I stayed with the first one, except I was a non-working mum of 4, dependant on him for every penny. Where , in the 60's and 70's could I have gone? My parents were dead, and there wasn't the support out there then as there is today. You hang on for the sake of the children, but I do regret that I didn't stand up to him. Today I would dot him one!!

Can't believe I am reading this, are you happy with this situation?

The law is now on your side Chris. I am not sure how much that helps practically but it may give you strength.

Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.
Coercive behaviour is: a continuing act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.”2

I thought this was going to be a light-hearted thread about stubborn husbands refusing to agree to something like the colour of wallpaper, but there's obviously something else going on.

If it's not new, then it's domestic abuse. If it is new, then I agree with Greenfinch - might be dementia. My dad was always very controlling (aka bullying) but became much worse when he got older. He was diagnosed with dementia, which manifested itself as a more extreme and irrational version of his previous behaviour.

I'd talk to his GP. Even though the GP can't share information, you can give him information. Alternatively, do as I did and talk to your own GP - he can make general comments and advise you what he thinks and what to do. That's what I did - both I mean. Didn't make things better in the short term, but made me a tiny bit more able to cope.

As much as I might moan about my husband this makes me realise what a treasure he really is and how much he spoils me! .

chris4519 your husband is not stubborn, he is spiteful and a bully and you should stop pandering to him and look after yourself

This is not acceptable behaviour from a man of 60,your husband is a bully .I note that he is to be made redundant but that you work full time,is there any possibility that you could find a peaceful space of your own ? Even a little break away with a friend may give him space to assess his dreadful behaviour.
I had a short marriage to a controlling man and dreaded going home from work.It meant leaving a lovely home and starting again,but the peace was overwhelming.
37 years is a long time,but do you really want another 20 /25 years of his behaviour.I wish you well,you sound like a very nice person...don,t let him spoil your life.

This sound seriously, Chris4519. My advice is to please try to get some help for yourself. Truly you do not have to put up with this. Be honest with yourself and your family and seek support. Ask yourself if this is how you want to live for the rest of your life. Give yourself a chance for a happy future.... Good luck.

Stubborn? I can think of a few stronger words to describe him. Why on earth are you still with him?!

Has he always been this way, or is it possibly the beginning of Alzeimers? He needs a good talking to, if he's always treated you like this. Do you have the funds to go away for a week or two? Maybe a seaside break. You could tell him you're considering whether to stay with him or not. Leave it long enough that he has to fend for himself, and make sure no family member helps him out. At 57 you have probably many years ahead. Don't spend it as a nursemaid to a ridiculous man.

Sorry Chris but this doesn't add up.

As * tigger* said I can't believe I'm reading this

How do you mean it doesn't add up Anya?

Why would you put up with this from anyone? Even with 4kids I'm sure I would have thrown him out!

Maybe there are no practical solutions for Chris to get out? She could struggle financially to break free. We do hear of women who put up with this kind of controlling man, evenly those who are physically abusive, just because there is nowhere to go, or because they don't want to give up their homes. I'm sure I'd have found a way though.

Chris, its clear from the other replies that no one thinks you are in the wrong in any way but its telling that you ask if you are. You say your husband is of sound mind, so dementia appears not to be an issue. Depression perhaps, but that is no excuse for the sort of behaviour you describe especially if it has gone on for a long time. The suggestion to speak to your GP is good, and it would help if you felt able to discuss in more detail with your sons, who live at home? How does he treat your mother? Your sons?
This seems to mirror the Archers situation and matches exactly the experience of my own mother with my father, who behaved in a similar fashion, constantly chipping away at her confidence, criticising her at every opportunity and generally being aggressive and controlling. I urged her to leave, and offered her a place with us, but she remained with him, living a separate but unhappy life. You are only 57, years ahead of you hopefully, do not allow your husband to diminish you. Be safe.

Get out, now.

Chris your mother is safely at your sisters so may be you can seize the moment.
Can you talk to your sister about you situation? Might get the moral support you need to move on with your life.
After all you have a job at the moment and a family.
You and I are the same age and, I know that I would have left years ago.
As you have not, please consider your future.
Go at least to citizens advice and/or get a fixed fee solicitors interview

Best foot forward girl!

Anyone who has not been through a marriage with a psychological and physical torture would say get out now. Mine began after a few hours of moving in and I allowed it to carry on for 20 years. Why did I stay? Simple I loved him. I always thought it would change and that the fault was with me. I went to live at his house, and brought with me my 2 children from my first marriage. I left my lovely kind first husband and beautiful home to live with this new man. He beat and ridiculed my children and yet foolishly I went on to have 4 more. It didn't improve and eventually met another man and left the family home and have never looked back. Not easy but well worth it.

Just leave. There is help out there for you. You are with a control freak and a bully. He has got away with it for too long. You deserve a lovely life. I left a person like yours after 25 years and have been married for 20 years to a man of the kind I thought existed only in dreams. My ex doesn't know where I went or where I live now. I know it's hard to do but nothing is as hard as living with a bully and someone who has zero respect for you.

Good luck, I hope you will find a good life for yourself.