Stubborn H

No I do not think you are wrong. He is quite capable of sorting out his medication. He sounds a bit like the man child I live with who will often " cut off his nose to spite his face" . Think your sons need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him about his behaviour. My dad was very controlling with my mum and would lock her out if she was late home!

Hi seasider he has locked me out in the past. It is okay for him to go to the pub every eve but If I go out to meet my friends for dinner or cinema it is gallivanting. I am 57 for goodness sake with grandchildren and work full time not 20 years old. He always has a way of making me feel I am wrong been married 37 years prob instilled in me now from him.

Sounds very much like my dad who thought mum was just there to look after him. My DP was the only boy with three sisters and is his mother's little Prince! Like you I work full time but in his mind he thinks I should run round after him. He had a paddy this week because he had run out of socks and I told him to wash some ! We are going away next week and I am ready for the usual sulk because I now insist he packs his own bag after being berated for forgetting things! Stick to your guns but I know how difficult it can be. My elder son is very "New man" and can do anything and I am determined the younger one will be the same. Good luck

Oh my goodness! Tell him if he doesn't do it himself it won't get done at all. If he won't finish off cooking the dinner, make yourself something else and leave him to make his own - and as for not sorting out his own meds, well, hell mend him, as they do say round these parts. I most DEFINITELY wouldn't be doing that for him, either. He's dangling you on a string Chris4169. Back off and leave him to it!

I honestly don't understand why you would stay with and care about, a man who treats you in this way, for so long.

To be blunt Chris, if he has always behaved like thar, I'm surprised that you have lasted 37 years. He is a bully. No one should live with that sort of behaviour.

Stubborn is not the word I'd choose!!!
Throwing something in the bin because you didn't sort it for him to me is "throwing his dummy out the pram" As for refusing to watch over the cooking..........
Sorry I have no words of wisdom. I think after 37 yrs there's not much hope of changing him. He's lucky to have you.

A controlling bully - isn't this another version of the behaviour we have been discussing on The Archers?
Stand your ground and enlist the support of your family and friends.
( "Of sound mind"?? I wonder. )

If he s elects you to do all of this for him...... What does he do for you?
Does he have any redeeming features.
Stand your ground ...good luck.

Gosh that is not stubborn, it's outrageous. I would have ignored his behaviour years ago, if I had stuck around. People like that only continue if they get a reaction e.g. someone scurrying to out things right. Why are you sorting out his medication? Buying the pill box is a nice gesture (I wouldn't even have done that) but as he is of sound mind, he should be able to work out how to take his pills.

for you.

"Put things right" not "out things right".

I do not think stubborn is the appropriate word. His behaviour is totally unacceptable and not within the bounds of normal. I too cannot imagine why you would have put up with this all this time - the only reason is because these things creep up on you over there years until it becomes a pattern.

Ir sounds as though you have friends and activities that you enjoy. You could just get on and enjoy these and ignore the "gallivanting" taunts.

Or you could leave him to his own devices and find peace elsewhere.

Has he always been like this? If not, could it be something to do with one of his drugs?

Wow Chris how have you stood this for 37yrs you are amazing to have put up with this,your OH is such a controlling man specially with you still working as well,I work full time and come home every night to a cooked meal and all the washing and ironing always done he has always done this from when we both worked and had children at home,I would leave him to do his own meds he is not a child,as for off to the pub everynight and not pulling his weight before he goes well that speaks volumes in the amount of respect he has for you sweetie.

Thanks everyone for your support actually your comments are giving me the strength to stand up to him. Would have left years ago but had four children to take with me and did not work then. Now I have an elderley mother who lives with me so cannot up and leave. Plus looks like will be made redundant after 17 years that job was my escape during the day. So will not be able to afford to buy or rent anywhere. When I think of the things over the years he has done could write a book .

Oh my, how are you still with him? I would of been gone a long time ago. My first husband carried on living exactly the same as when he was single, even after our son was born. He went to the pub every evening, out on his motorbike (he competed in trials) practising in the afternoon and then riding at weekends. He worked 6-2 shifts, so I hardly ever saw him. All the time I was left at home. I stuck it for two years and then told him to clear off. But he was never nasty like your chap, that is something I would never accept.

So sorry to hear you may be made redundant Chris that must be a worry for you and being so close to retirement I agree with you he needs a good talking too and standing up for yourself and as you say you have the care of your dear mum to consider,if he doesn't improve just show HIM where the door is if he doesn't like the way you do things that will shut him up.Give yourself a medal for putting up with him for so long you deserve it.

Chris how have you endured this behaviour for so long? - what a trooper you are. Life must have been utterly miserable for you living with this from day to day. Time to act!! Can your mother help you out financially? You would need to experience a lovely man like mine to realise what a waste of space yours is. Time to make a life of your own.

Sorry Chris but I'm rather hoping that this is a wind-up.

The idea that a woman of 57 has put up with such appalling behaviour for 37 years and describes her husband as stubborn and infuriating makes me want to scream!

Do men really lock their errant wives out of the house?

It's a truly awful situation if you really are living such a life.

Oh my goodness! When I read threads like this, I want to get down on my knees and thank God for mine! How have you put up with this for so long? I would have been out of there ages ago! This is no sort of life for you to lead . You don't deserve it.

Crikey Chris.

I'd have enlarged my patio by now and H would have been under it !!

I agree with the other posters , that's not stubborn - that's bullying - abuse even! You're not a child to be reined in and subservient to his wishes and orders. Have you discussed his behaviour with him ?

I think its time for a tough talk and then some even tougher actions .

Good luck.

Chris4159 you don't need to answer this on here but I wonder if he has ever been aggressive towards you. If so you need to be careful about how you stand up to him just for your own safety.
As Alea has said he is controlling your behaviour like a puppeteer.

Has he been tested for dementia ?

This is just not normal behaviour , are you sure he is not suffering from some sort of mental illness ? If not then please don`t put up with this rubbish , you don`t have to leave but just stand up for yourself , if you do he will be so shocked it may just change his attitude towards you . Maybe get some counselling to give you the strength to do it xx

'Man child' is right. With an emphasis on 'child', and a spoilt one at that! And some of that behaviour definitely comes under the domestic abuse category. Most men do not behave like this.

Good luck with no longer putting up with this behaviour. Don't behave like a doormat. As you see, GNetters are behind you.