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DH interfering....furio us!

(64 Posts)
Katek Mon 04-Apr-16 13:59:03

This may sound trivial but it's really upset and annoyed me. I'm making veg broth (or trying to) and DH just goes into kitchen and adds lots more water. I cannot do anything in the kitchen without him interfering/criticising then he says I never cook!! I'm furious/upset about my little pot of soup - maybe it's just a symptom of the pressures of having DH working from home. Lots of my space/routines have had to be altered or sacrificed. Much like him being retired I suppose, heaven help me when he stops working altogether. We're now not speaking.

Pamish Tue 05-Apr-16 16:57:09

jinglbellsfrocks of course not. But sometimes those posts about domestic unbliss make me want to spring a rescue. Often it's where the man has retired and has no plans for what to do with himself, and the woman has limited activities outside the home. There was one about a spouse who would shuffle round all day in his pyjamas with no teeth in, grumbling and criticising. The writer was doing her nut but it was clear she was just going to put up with it forever.

Don't these make you very sad?

Newquay Tue 05-Apr-16 17:03:31

My DH was a teacher and CANNOT stop organising everything/everybody. We all need to exercise much grace and humour-he genuinely doesn't get it.
I'm delighted that he does all the cooking (except when we have visitors and I pull my weight), shopping (every Friday morning, same time, same store!), housework etc. And I'm not complaining either!
My dear sister lost her husband 11 years ago and, like others on here, would LOVE to have these problems.
As an Archers fan I'm thinking of calling him 'Rob' whenever he does anything controlling-will let you know how I get onsmile lol!

Lindill49 Tue 05-Apr-16 17:31:19

Mine throws away my stuff arbitrarily if he can't see a use for it so I've started throwing his - lesson possibly learned but I wouldn't bet on it!!

Grannycupcake Tue 05-Apr-16 18:06:27

I had visions of the pot of soup ending over DH's head. Sorry that isn't helpful.

rosesarered Tue 05-Apr-16 18:11:42

sunshinesunshine to all.grin

Katek Tue 05-Apr-16 18:41:24

Grannycupcake.....might have been an idea if I could have lifted the Le Creuset ( his choice)
pot higher than my chest!

Pamish...that's part of the problem, I'm very busy outside the home and used to being 'in charge' in many of my activities. If I were more compliant then DH's bossy tendencies might not bother me as much! I'm not one for rolling over I'm afraid, cue locked horns!!

phizz Tue 05-Apr-16 19:53:26

This thread makes me appreciate my old fella even more.
I'm a lucky gal.

bartonlady Tue 05-Apr-16 20:15:31

My husband retired before me, so I encroached on his routine!! I've discovered that if I say or suggest something he says the opposite! Or that's how it seems. So I now say the opposite of what I want and get exactly what I want! We women use our wits!

Jalima Tue 05-Apr-16 20:16:03

Often it's where the man has retired and has no plans for what to do with himself, and the woman has limited activities outside the home
Don't these make you very sad?
Oh fgs Pamish

No, because many are written with love and humour - just the little irritations of adjusting to retirement - probably both of you at the same time, or - even more difficult - one retiring before the other and getting into a nice routine!!
(limited activities outside the home indeed!!).
Even if both have very active lives 'outside the home' it is usual for one part of the house (kitchen?) to become the domain of one or other partner although I know of some perfect partnerships where they take it in turns to cook.
I threatened DH that if he carried on re-arranging my kitchen or watching me cook I would go and re-arrange his garage/workshop for him. He says he is watching and learning, but in fact he hasn't done much practising yet.

He has plenty to do outside the home, as do I smile
But someone has to cook and it is usually me.

Shazmo24 Tue 05-Apr-16 21:05:25

Just tell him to back off in no uncertain terms!

Bennan Tue 05-Apr-16 22:50:56

DH and I have settled into a good routine 're housework. He Hoover's, washes the floors, gardens, does a lot of the cooking at which he excells and organises the shopping. I do the beds, washing, dusting, indoor plants, ironing and bathrooms and kitchen. He has a study, I have a sitting room and we meet at mealtimes and in the evening. One habit I have adopted from him is organising all the ingredients for a recipe before beginning to cook. Makes life a lot easier as you don't forget anything. We do have the occasional tiff but soon make up as we're each other's best friend. I've just read this through and it sounds too good to be true! But it is. grin

lionpops Wed 06-Apr-16 07:53:37

I think your comment is about more than DH interfering with the soup.It is an example of how he communicates/treats you in general.You say he is still working so things are only going to get worse when he fully retires.You need to sit down and talk to him about boundaries and anything else that is causing concern.Next time he interferes.Turn off the stove hand him the spoon.Put your coat on grab your handbag and bus pass and head out for the day, have lunch out.Telling him the soup is all his to deal with. Do this every time he interferes in a calm and controlled way stating why you are doing it.He will soon get the message. Enjoy your lunch.

Jalima Wed 06-Apr-16 12:45:59

I am off to check the soup grin