DH interfering....furio us!

I am off to check the soup

I think your comment is about more than DH interfering with the soup.It is an example of how he communicates/treats you in general.You say he is still working so things are only going to get worse when he fully retires.You need to sit down and talk to him about boundaries and anything else that is causing concern.Next time he interferes.Turn off the stove hand him the spoon.Put your coat on grab your handbag and bus pass and head out for the day, have lunch out.Telling him the soup is all his to deal with. Do this every time he interferes in a calm and controlled way stating why you are doing it.He will soon get the message. Enjoy your lunch.

DH and I have settled into a good routine 're housework. He Hoover's, washes the floors, gardens, does a lot of the cooking at which he excells and organises the shopping. I do the beds, washing, dusting, indoor plants, ironing and bathrooms and kitchen. He has a study, I have a sitting room and we meet at mealtimes and in the evening. One habit I have adopted from him is organising all the ingredients for a recipe before beginning to cook. Makes life a lot easier as you don't forget anything. We do have the occasional tiff but soon make up as we're each other's best friend. I've just read this through and it sounds too good to be true! But it is.

Just tell him to back off in no uncertain terms!

Often it's where the man has retired and has no plans for what to do with himself, and the woman has limited activities outside the home
Don't these make you very sad?
Oh fgs Pamish

No, because many are written with love and humour - just the little irritations of adjusting to retirement - probably both of you at the same time, or - even more difficult - one retiring before the other and getting into a nice routine!!
(limited activities outside the home indeed!!).
Even if both have very active lives 'outside the home' it is usual for one part of the house (kitchen?) to become the domain of one or other partner although I know of some perfect partnerships where they take it in turns to cook.
I threatened DH that if he carried on re-arranging my kitchen or watching me cook I would go and re-arrange his garage/workshop for him. He says he is watching and learning, but in fact he hasn't done much practising yet.

He has plenty to do outside the home, as do I
But someone has to cook and it is usually me.

My husband retired before me, so I encroached on his routine!! I've discovered that if I say or suggest something he says the opposite! Or that's how it seems. So I now say the opposite of what I want and get exactly what I want! We women use our wits!

This thread makes me appreciate my old fella even more.
I'm a lucky gal.

Grannycupcake.....might have been an idea if I could have lifted the Le Creuset ( his choice)
pot higher than my chest!

Pamish...that's part of the problem, I'm very busy outside the home and used to being 'in charge' in many of my activities. If I were more compliant then DH's bossy tendencies might not bother me as much! I'm not one for rolling over I'm afraid, cue locked horns!!

to all.

I had visions of the pot of soup ending over DH's head. Sorry that isn't helpful.

Mine throws away my stuff arbitrarily if he can't see a use for it so I've started throwing his - lesson possibly learned but I wouldn't bet on it!!

My DH was a teacher and CANNOT stop organising everything/everybody. We all need to exercise much grace and humour-he genuinely doesn't get it.
I'm delighted that he does all the cooking (except when we have visitors and I pull my weight), shopping (every Friday morning, same time, same store!), housework etc. And I'm not complaining either!
My dear sister lost her husband 11 years ago and, like others on here, would LOVE to have these problems.
As an Archers fan I'm thinking of calling him 'Rob' whenever he does anything controlling-will let you know how I get on lol!

jinglbellsfrocks of course not. But sometimes those posts about domestic unbliss make me want to spring a rescue. Often it's where the man has retired and has no plans for what to do with himself, and the woman has limited activities outside the home. There was one about a spouse who would shuffle round all day in his pyjamas with no teeth in, grumbling and criticising. The writer was doing her nut but it was clear she was just going to put up with it forever.

Don't these make you very sad?

Mine doesn't criticise what I do in the house. I just wish he'd actually do some of it sometimes.

Easy for you to say that narrowboatnan. One quick push on a dark night...... !!!

Everything perfect in your world then, Pamish?

My DH often criticises what I do, or offers me the benefit of his superior advice. I just tell him that if he doesn't stop then he's going in the canal with a pair of concrete slippers on.

Oh dear, Pamish, I'm sure there's more tolerance around than you think! I did make sure to put a at the end of my post!

Sometimes reading Gransnet is too depressing for words. I envisage thousands of couples living lives of quiet desperation, unable to talk about the little things that need sorting out or you drive each other crazy. Thinking, can I stand twenty more years of this? And hoping that boundaries will emerge by magic. Makes me despair.

Glad thinks worked out today, Katek! At first, I thought perhaps DH really does enjoy thinner soup. But since he didn't eat it, it seems to me, he just likes interfering or, TBF, feeling that he has a say in how it's done. Groan!

I had some of this problem when DH first retired. But gradually, we each redefined our own space, if you know what I mean. In fact, I agree with Nonnie that a good idea would be to take turns cooking. Or maybe divide up household chores. But your would both have to stick to your limits - no crossing the line to tell the other spouse to do it differently.

Lessnan, so sorry about your loss. And GillC, I'm sorry your DH was so ill. Thank you both for putting all this into perspective for us.

My DH is a parcel of neuroses - and so am I. We are both OCD about tidiness and we have similar personalities (eldest children: responsible, rule abiding, prudent etc.) Unfortunately, we both like to be in charge and when the DH is off work he automatically assumes he can shift his leading role into my sphere of influence. He thinks he's being kind, protective and chivalrous when he tries to 'help' even though I have clearly stated that I run a house, garden and all of our business solo when he's at work so I do not need any assistance. In fact, it's not help, it's interference.

We spend the first few days of any holiday bickering about who's in charge.

It's a tricky one but I love him to bits and we come to some sort of an accommodation. The trouble is he can never remember what we agreed and starts again on the first day of the next holiday.

I recall one disagreement where he said in bemusement, 'So you are saying YOU should be in charge?'

Yup!

We have demarcation lines, I do pretty much most of the food shopping and cooking. When we have guests as we did at the week-end hubby does breakfasts he's very good at scrambled eggs. He did do more of the heavy duty cleaning, but he slid out of that one by hiring a cleaner a while ago He does clean my car though from time to time, said he saw verdigris growing on it an exaggeration. but gets his own done professionally. He does gardening, not too onerous our garden is quite small, general maintenance and often goes to the dump with larger items of rubbish, well seems like it anyway.

Some of these situations made me chuckle but, seriously, I do think it helps if you have developed your own interests and carry them on after DH's retirement. Too many women seem to think they can't do anything on their own.

My ex once decided that my soup needed improvement and dumped a handful of cloves into it. Grounds for divorce, but we lasted several more years during which he once - and once only - added a grapefruit to my fruit salad which made for a very odd combination of flavours. His sister was having lunch with us and he was very miffed at the two of us, disparaging his 'helpful' addition. For thirty years I have been free of his culinary experiments.

Gagagran I have also said to my DH that help is something a person asks for or wants/ needs.. otherwise it is interfering!

Belladonna this has happened in our house too..I rarely do the washing ...however I have 'lost' some items due to his shove it all in together and on a hot wash...but i don't want to interfere