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DH interfering....furio us!

(63 Posts)
Katek Mon 04-Apr-16 13:59:03

This may sound trivial but it's really upset and annoyed me. I'm making veg broth (or trying to) and DH just goes into kitchen and adds lots more water. I cannot do anything in the kitchen without him interfering/criticising then he says I never cook!! I'm furious/upset about my little pot of soup - maybe it's just a symptom of the pressures of having DH working from home. Lots of my space/routines have had to be altered or sacrificed. Much like him being retired I suppose, heaven help me when he stops working altogether. We're now not speaking.

Elegran Mon 04-Apr-16 14:07:27

Make sure he eats every drop of that watery broth, katek, because it is obvious to you now that is how he likes his soup and you don't want to deprive him of any, do you? Every last drop. No leaving any.

Meanwhile, make a new pot for yourself. Make it extra good and tasty and keep repeating how delicious it is while he sits opposite you sipping his dishwater.

Coolgran65 Mon 04-Apr-16 14:09:12

Did you do a recent thread about how he takes over things.
I would have also been really angry about the soup.... it's an indication of his attitude. And respect. A quiet but firm chat needed to get boundaries discussed perhaps.

Judthepud2 Mon 04-Apr-16 14:28:43

How infuriating Katek ! Wonder how he would like it if you rewrote one of his work emails/reports.

My DH has just criticised a photo I posted on Instagram ? I get frequent negative comments on these and tweets. Just because he doesn't use social media as I do. He is generally a lovely man, but I feel this is out of order. It has put me off posting on social media.....with the exception of GN of course. ?

Katek Mon 04-Apr-16 14:32:38

Fitting retribution Elegran...I like it! I shall go chop more veggies (with a great deal of force) when I go offline.

Coolgran I quite possibly did have a thread about him taking over things, he doesn't seem to be able to help himself. He does the same with everyone, including DS, and has a tendency to treat him as if he's 5 and not a grown man with home, family and a responsible job. Drives me crazy. I'm sure he would still take him a 10p mix of rubbish sweets from the newsagent if he thought he could get away with it.

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 04-Apr-16 14:38:03

If he's working from home, that's what he should be doing - working. Not interfering with you!

I still resent, just a little bit, the loss of 'my space', and DH has been retired for years now. shock

annsixty Mon 04-Apr-16 15:02:09

I'm in no way diminishing how you feel but I live with that 24 hours a day with an H with Alzheimer's. It is the most frustrating feeling and you should tell him to get the h**l out of the kitchen and let you do your job.I can do that because 5 mins later he has forgotten but of course that means he comes back in ....

ginny Mon 04-Apr-16 15:11:18

How annoying !
My DH is still working but there are times when he is home and he will say something like "Why are you doing it that way ?" He gets short shrift and "because that's the way I like to do it". he mutters right , I was only trying to help....."
as he leaves the room.

Luckygirl Mon 04-Apr-16 15:12:16

My Son-I-L has very strong views about how things should be cooked. One day I was roasting a chicken using my usual method: i.e. closed roasting pan on 180 for half an hour, then turn the heat right down to about 100 and let it roast/steam for as long as you like.

When I was not looking, he opened the oven and transferred the chicken to an open roasting pan - I could not believe my eyes when I came in and saw it! After a few minutes thought, I took the pan out and put the chicken back in the roasting pan and set everything going as before.

He came into the kitchen and saw this and neither of us said a word. I think he got the hint!

I have to say that I am very fond of this young man (unbelievably!) and we respect each other - I'm going on hols with him and family later this year!

Katek - quite right - give him the watery stuff and make yourself something delicious! Or even a tasty takeaway - tell him you did not want to eat that watery rubbish. Or even better some caviarre for you! - and leave him with the dishwater!

Nonnie Mon 04-Apr-16 15:28:59

Can't you just ask him not to interfere? Surely he would understand. If he doesn't respect this then simply tell him he is doing the cooking.

obieone Mon 04-Apr-16 15:30:52

First off I would stop cooking forthwith[I dont like it anyway so that would be no hardship on my part].

I would go on strike with other household chores too if he interferes with those. He can do them himself.

Greyduster Mon 04-Apr-16 16:34:25

Mine wouldn't dare! To interfere with anything i'm cooking is the ultimate sin. If he has learned nothing else during the past fifty years he has learned that. I have only once had the temerity to suggest to my son that he might do something differently when i was in his kitchen while he was cooking. The look he gave me would have turned me to stone, and i haven't ventured into his kitchen since!!

Stansgran Mon 04-Apr-16 17:02:36

I do wonder why there are no locks on kitchen doors. He will read the recipe and ask whether I've done such and such. And tasting the soup....aaaaagh

Indinana Mon 04-Apr-16 17:37:08

I would imagine everyone on here would be extremely annoyed if our other halves did that, Katek. I think Elegran's solution is absolutely perfect. In fact I think I'd be tempted to go further, and add even more water, just to be sure it really is thin and tasteless before you serve it out for him grin

chloe1984 Mon 04-Apr-16 17:49:52

luckygirl I found your post very encouraging as the same thing happened to me with my s-i-l who thought he should tell me how to cook a meal when we were all on holiday together. My DH will go so far as to take a teacloth from my hands if he doesn't feel I am drying the dishes up properly. It drives me mad.....

Katek Mon 04-Apr-16 18:27:43

Well....my pot of soup was delicious. DH on the other hand ended up cooking himself a pork fillet in the George Forman. I kept a straight face and said nothing. Revenge is sweet! Hehehe! Thank you Elegran

harrigran Mon 04-Apr-16 19:02:20

When DH retired he started cooking, he was doing an alright job so I left him to it. I obviously can't cook to his standard now so I never interfere, he is cooking dinner and I am on GN in the study grin

Elegran Mon 04-Apr-16 19:17:33

It could be you have won the soup skirmish, katek. There may be other fronts on which to defend yourself though. Be prepared!

rosesarered Mon 04-Apr-16 19:40:49

The soup skirmish first, then the Beef Wellington War.But where will it all end?
My DH takes little interest in what goes on in the kitchen, but likes to re-organise my shopping lists to his own satisfaction.

Indinana Mon 04-Apr-16 20:39:24

Well done Katek, that must have been so satisfying! I don't know how you managed to keep a straight face grin.

Penstemmon Mon 04-Apr-16 20:52:42

Today DH and I have refreshed the hallway,stairs, landing and kitchen with a fresh coat of paint... same colour and it was not a major hassle really. We did it rather spur of the moment and it took most of the day and I had nothing prepped for supper.. By 7:00 we were just tidying and cleaniing up when DH (not a cook) said he would go to Waitrose to grab something for supper . Good plan! As I did the final clear up I was imaginging what treat he would bring home.

He was so pleased with himself.. 2x taglitelle ready meals with tomato sauce reduced to 65p each... exactly the one meal I could have mustered up from the storecupboard! Am I an ungrateful witch???

NanaandGrampy Mon 04-Apr-16 20:54:31

I'm afraid my other half would have found himself eating watery soup whilst I dined out!!

What on earth was he thinking? Did you speak about it?

Penstemmon Mon 04-Apr-16 21:17:21

Oh..my first paragraph got lost!

I did say I would have been furious too and that if I was you I might have strained out the meat/veg into another pot and continued with your broth and left your DH the watery remains! Glad you had a good meal despite interference!

Katek Mon 04-Apr-16 22:19:42

Now happily ensconced in bed with that 'ee, tha's bin a good day' feeling! Thanks all you Gnetters, you defused my righteous indignation before ww3 erupted in my house! Joking apart, I am heading for a serious conversation, need some ground rules if this work pattern is going to continue. That's for another day though. Goodnight ladies smile

GillC Tue 05-Apr-16 09:44:54

This post struck a chord with me! My husband retired a 5 years ago, and he was most infuriating with several of his habits, but especially when it came to the pantry. I would go to grab an item, which should have been in it's usual place, and it had moved, because he had just shoved it back into any old gap on the shelf. Eventually the pantry became chaotic, and caused rows. We have a rule now that he never puts anything away in the pantry.

However I nearly lost him to bladder cancer a couple of years ago, and it put these little irritating things into perspective. I would rather have him around with all his annoying little ways than not have him around at all.