income after separation

I think you may be able to receive a larger share of the split in lieu of regular payments from your H’s pension. There’s a way of calculating it, or there was when I went through it. Good luck!

My experience was that all assets acquired throughout the marriage are taken into account and his pension pot would be one of those assets.
The house, cars, house contents, income, savings and investments etc are all totted up and divided equally.
Debts are set against that total and the remaining pot is divided.
If you gave up paid employment to bring up children, that may have an effect too.
Trust a good solicitor and don't make assumptions!
Good luck! Look forward to an independent future and let us know how it goes.

Good luck thuberon I m sorry I can’t help at all mine left and all I got was his debts ( but I don’t care because the kids stayed with me and we started again from scratch) I would think your financial advisor is the person to listen to as they will know all the financial details which we don’t
I just wanted to pop in and let you know you d been heard I’m sure some other grans will have ideas for you x

Before I start, can I just say that I have absolutely no legal knowledge apart from the bits I picked up during my own divorce proceedings.

As has previously been said, all assets will be added up and divided equally. However, will his monthly income from the private pensions not be classed as exactly that, his future income, and, if so are you entitled to any of it? For example, when I got divorced, I got half my husband's pension pot but, once we were divorced, I wasn't entitled to any of his future income. I do know that the courts prefer a clean break and try to get away from spousal maintenance whenever possible.

Presumably, if your husband is retired, you have had the benefit of the lump sum and monthly payments. Obviously you will get half of anything left of the lump sum but, once you are no longer married, surely you won't be entitled to money from his monthly pension as that will be his income.

Be careful you're not shooting yourself in the foot. It could be your husband is offering you something your not actually entitled to.

Also you say ‘our legal adviser’ - as amicable as you hope this might be, you each need your own solicitor and own legal adviser - but the latter first I would imagine

Grannyben his state pension is his. His employment or any other private pension is half his wife's. Thuberon please either go to Citizens Advice Bureau or a solicitor for advice. Do not agree anything without independent advice. My daughter has been coping with same thing recently.( CAB are very good. and free.)

My ex was adamant I wasn't having any of his pension, which was a higher amount than I was actually able to earn at the time. We went to mediation, and the agreement was that I should have 90% of the house to make up the difference. This worked out fine for me, I borrowed enough to pay him off, then sold up, downsized and paid everything off. So for the last 20 years I have been mortgage free, which is very good.
(I had to work an extra 5 years to get a livable pension in my own right, but this was fine as I liked my job)

because I didn't want that dependence afterwards (in my case I didn't trust him to pay, let alone the psychological aspects of it, and there were young children to consider ) I negotiated for larger share of the house. My solicitor took some persuading but it was the wisest thing I did.

I should imagine that your private pension is lumped together with his when the sums are done and your joint assets then divided 50/50.

You need to get your own separate legal advice by a divorce specialist and not rely on a joint financial advisor. Surely there would be a conflict of interest to represent both sides of a divorce

Agree with Maryeliza and Cold.
I wish you all the very best through this difficult time.

Thanks everybody for your replies. Your encouragement and willingness to advise is heartwarming ..........................as I step into the minefield.

The Citizens Advice Bureau are a good place to get reliable
information on divorce matters. Mine was a long time ago now, but i’m fairly sure that Pension splitting is legal now.
Your solicitor should also be able to advise you , and with assets like property an£ pensions you need your own legal advice.
From my own experience, however amicable you want to make it, when it comes to finances you need to think about
your own future.
Good luck!

Don't commit yourself to anything at the meeting and listen to what people are saying about having your own adviser. My mother didn't and got really shafted.

You need a solicitor, I would not agree to anything until you have your own legal advice. In my experience things tend to get difficult when the details are discussed. Expect this when two parties have different ideas of what is 'fair'. Good luck, but get legal advice and I would pay for it.

Just a little bit to add to all the good advice already given.

Re private/work pension, really important you get good advice on this as has already being stressed.

If you get it wrong you could lose out should he re- marry or die.

It's not just about getting payment in the immediate future but for you unforeseen future.

If you get the best split you will retain the right to your proportion whatever the future may bring.

I am making an assumption that you would receive a portion of his pension on his death if you were still married.

It's those sorts of details professionals think of and would a joint financial advisor really give you both all the options and would your H agree to the "Best for your now and future option" ?

Saw a friend lose out this way as she didn't get it right and as their children were adults she didn't think it mattered. It matters now, she only has her state pension after years of marriage his works pension died with him, she missed out on her 50%. No winners there.

Please ask the 'What if' questions. My divorce went through decades ago, he now has new wife and child, and nothing to do with our children. He had the big pension pot, but has never financially helped either of them. Another relative - he died and left everything to 2nd wife, which will benefit her children eventually, and nothing to his own children.
Sorry to be so negative, but amicable splits lose their shine when discussing 'his' money.
Good luck.

We agreed that I should have the house and make no claims on his pension (which was a good one). It has worked out well for me and he has remarried someone with property of her own.

Good luck with working out the best financial split for both of you. In my divorce experience, we used a mediator to work out a couple of different scenarios then referred these suggestions to our solicitors. My divorce was not amicable but the one thing we were determined about was not to waste money on protracted legal fees so we did manage to talk to each other enough to work through the basics using solicitors only for the legalities and processing the paperwork. We did not go to court to argue things.

One possibility (and the one I took) was to divide our assets equally and take into account our current incomes - future income was not part of the equation. I kept the equity in the house to provide for our three children and also had 20% of his pension pot at the time of the divorce, this was to compensate for my lower pension due to several years not working when the children were small. This meant that we each got an equal share of all our assets, I could have asked for a greater share as the children were to live with me but he was generous with his child maintenance and I trusted him to pay it as he still loved his children.

If you do not have dependent children, then go for a clean split and a share of his pension pot to allow an equal share of the assets - equity in the house, savings, investments including life insurance, cars and valuable belongings, pension pots. As we were younger, we did not take future inheritances into account so I am not sure if they can be considered.

One way to keep legal fees to a minimum is to send emails to your solicitor to discuss matters, they charge less to read and reply to an email and to write letters or have meetings. I used to write down the jist of any conversations with my ex so I did not get confused, I could then summarise these notes when emailing my solicitor and inform her of possible settlement offers.

It took four years to negotiate everything but my legal fees were quite reasonable.

The court will decide on the pension, and all income, savings etc must be declared at the request of the court.

My sil has been through this and it took four years to complete.

As it was not an amicable divorce, the solicitor's fees were horrendous.

Pension providers will need an actuary to calculate the figures, and this also involves a cost for each time a calculation is needed.

I don't mean to worry you, but it will be almost certainly stresssful and expensive from what I've learned from my sil's experience. This is how it is and I'm afraid I can't make sound any nicer for you.

I wish you well and hope you will find the necessary support available.

Don't forget you already own half of your property so if you decide to take the other half in lieu of him keeping his pension don't be fooled into thinking he has given you a whole house. If you decide to take half of his share of his pension then you will probably have to sell up and move so you can each have your share of any property assets unless you can afford to buy him out of his share.

It is my understanding that any pension payments transferred into your name come direct from the company, it wouldn't be a case of him paying you a cheque every month. I went for the house because I didn't want to have to move as the children were young and I wanted an asset I had full control over (the mortgage had been cleared). However, my income now in retirement is low as I only have the state pension so I still work part time. I probably could have fought for more but I could see the solicitor's fees rising every month. I'm happy now that I only have to have minimal contact with him at landmark family events like weddings.

Don’t accept the monthly payment from your husband, if he dies the day after your divorce is finalised you lose it!

AS previous posters have stated the monetary value of everything is added up. This means the house, cars, savings, Isa's. private pensions (not state pensions), household goods, jewelry, DIY items just about everything. Then any outstanding debt is deducted,be it mortgage, loans or credit cards, it does not matter who's names the debt is in at this point you are still legally married and so any debt is shared. The judge looks at how much is left and if there is only the two of you will most likely split it 50/50 unless one of you has an illness, then they are given slightly more. One of the things you have to do is get a pension statement for each pension you may have stating the transfer cash value. Then all pensions are added together and split 50/50. I was very keen to just go 50/50 with my ex dh even though I had an 8 year old child at the time and 17 year old living at home and so wanted to keep everything civil but my ex dh was determined not to do so. The problem is now matter how much one party wants to keep things civilised the other party has to do so as well or else it is difficult.

I know this because I went through a difficult divorce and we had to split the house, business and pensions. My ex dh tried to give me all of house (with small mortgage left on it) and to keep my own very small pension keep small business and his pensions to him self. My solicitor insisted on completing a declaration of assets form where everything is given a monetary value including pensions and it turned out I was far far better off having 1/2 house and half value of business and combined pensions. It was horrible to go through because my ex dh was so bitter about his pension. In the end I told my solicitor to do what she thought fair and left her to it and to only tell me when it was all decided. I refused to discuss any of it with ex dh because he kept shouting at me and accusing me of 'stealing' his pension. It was distressing at the time but once I had handed it all over to my solicitor and stopped trying to deal with it myself it was a lot easier. I insisted on a clean break and in the end got 55% of assets because judge got very annoyed with ex dh as every time we were due in court he came up with various reasons he could not be there whilst at the same time trying to squirrel money away. He missed 2 court appearances and my solicitor told judge he was doing it deliberately to avoid me getting money and judge said if he did not appear at next date he would split assets with my ex dh present or not. He did not appear and judge awarded me 55% and told me he could see how difficult living with ex dh must have been. I have moved on and did not look back. I would advise to let solicitor deal with it as pension assets should not be overlooked, and insists all assets are shared equally. Good Luck. Oh one more point with jewelry go to jewelers and get items valued not for insurance purposes where they add on to value to cover sentimental loss but realistic values. I gave valuable engagement ring to our dd as I knew I would never wear it again and that did not get counted as an asset to be shared as given away 4 months prior to filling in forms.

When a relative divorced, her husband's future occupational pension was taken into account. Apparently, there is a system for this, and she got a worthwhile lump sum. This was in Scotland.