Unwanted visitor

Can you tell her that you're not feeling up to hosting just now, and that you'll see how you feel next year? You don't need to go into detail - just leave it at that.

If she comes back asking again next year, you can rinse and repeat until she gets the message.

I agree with Watermeadow, tell her you haven't been feeling so great lately and just can't have people staying, you shouldn't have to put up with people you don't want, and people shouldn't just invite themselves.

I agree with Doodle.

I meant , I agree with Doodledog

I’d say that you’ve been feeling unwell and your GP has advised rest and peace and quiet. Just say you’re having tests if she asks why.

Failing which, just say no it’s not convenient. If you don’t like her, just block her phone number and no reply to emails. She’d surely get the message.

You could say something like "When I turned (whatever age you reached last birthday*) I promised myself I wouldn't have people to stay anymore as I find it all too much of a strain."

I know that is a bit rude but Gangsta Granny deserves it by the sound of it.

*I am assuming that you have had a birthday since she last stayed. If not, just the bit about finding it too much of a strain would do.

She sounds awful. And 65 years ago and occasional contact is tenuous enough for you to be a bit more direct or, (as you’ve said) she’ll keep inviting herself. Just tell her that the hours she keeps doesn’t work for you to have her staying over.

You’ll only have to do it once! Then you’ll never have to fret about it again.

Good luck!

Just say No

Just say no. The last visit was exhausting and I don’t think we have anything in common anymore. Honesty is the best policy.

Doodledog

Can you tell her that you're not feeling up to hosting just now, and that you'll see how you feel next year? You don't need to go into detail - just leave it at that.

If she comes back asking again next year, you can rinse and repeat until she gets the message.

Don't offer fake offer excuses and half promises you don't intend to keep. Just tell her the truth,

Send her a pretty floral card , there is just enough room inside a card for a brief message.

" Dear Betty,

This is a difficult thing to write to old friends but in the last year or so, as age creeps up I have found it increasingly tiring to host guests in my home. So I've decided no more invitations to stay. Sorry about that.

Wishing you all the best

butterandjam, perfect !

Did you ask about this last year as well? Maybe there are a few in similar situations,

Why not suggest going somewhere together later in the year as you have decorators in or something?

Or maybe you think she would take you up on the offer. Otherwise what Butterandjam says.

I have a reverse problem. I have a friend whose bucket list includes visiting all the cathedrals in the UK. Her son takes her - he invites me to join them as company for his mum. Last year we went to Canterbury Cathedral. It was a very long drive and tiring for him I’m sure.
He has now asked me to join them on a trip to Wells Cathedral ,which is only about 2 - 2 1/2 hours in comparison. However, I am not too keen.. And it’s not cheap … stay in a hotel, eating out, entrance fee etc. Besides, it’s a day after the funeral of a close relative.
So I declined his kind offer. My friend is not too happy.
Can’t please everyone.

I can imagine the replies if this was posted on MN.
They take no prisoners over there.
Actually I often agree.
There is too much shilly shallying with this kind of thing.
Women especially seem to tie themselves in knots trying to live up to other's expectations.
It's all cock eyed.
Just Say No.
Pretty floral notes and insincere regret sounds ridiculous to me. And dishonest. Just say no.
Or if that's too short
No that doesn't work for me.
Do not discuss or make up any excuses.
You don't need any excuses.
You are sovereign in your own house and how you live your life.

welbeck take a bow - this is good advice as usual

I cannot imagine how people can be so thick skinned not to realise when they are not welcome.

I would never dream of inviting myself to stay with someone.

I agree, don’t come up with half truths and ‘maybe next year’.

Say you don’t have people come to stay anymore, simple as that.

If she’s offended, doesn’t sound any loss really. Probably a relief.

Does it matter if you upset her? You are more important. Saying NO can be difficult but easier than having a visit

Perfect response welbeck! There’s no point in fobbing this person off with excuses…..”I’ve been a bit under the weather…..I’ve got a couple of appointments” or similar as this will just defer the inevitable.
Take the bull by the horns, tell her a firm NO!

Being brutally honest works but doesn't sit well with all people. You can say no firmly but in softer way. You don't behave to make excuses just say that you won't be having any more visitors staying and leave it at that.

have not behave*

I agree AGAA4. It’s true that ‘No is a complete sentence’, but there is no need to be insensitive to the feelings of others.

I wouldn’t invite myself to someone’s house either, but the fact that the friend has done so must mean that she thinks there is a friendship there, and a flat ‘No’ would probably be very hurtful.

So long as the end result is that there is no visit, I would rather achieve it without causing hurt if possible.

I agree with butterandjam. Polite but direct.

How difficult.
I meet up with an elderly friend in the nearest town.
People think that she's my mother.

I hate her racism.
She makes me feel so uncomfortable.
I also dislike her obsession with the occult because it goes against my Christisn principles.

I've politely told her to please respect the colour of other people's skin and their creed.
I've also said that I don't believe in the occult .
I'm so glad that she doesn't have my address .
When she visits-she's at your house all day long .
I don't know how you are going to let this lady know that you aren't enjoying her visits.
Perhaps you tell her that you've drifted apart and have new friends who share your ideas .
I've permanently offended an old friend who used to just walk into the house whenever she felt like it.

Dear Friend, I have reached a stage in my life where I am no longer able to offer accommodation or entertain people. I get very tired and need to rest a lot of the time to be able to get through my day. I hope you have a great summer. Best wishes W x

They have a lovely name for these on MN and there are so many people who just want a cheap holiday with entertainment. I have a relative like this and when I was unable to entertain her last summer due to illness, she went all passive aggressive on me. She will get the above note from me this summer. Good luck and all the best!