LIMERICKS (Apr ‘25)

I once met an itinerant
His preaching to me was just cant
He just spoke rubbish
And made me feel snubbish
My running away made me pant.

There was a soothsayer in Wales

There was a soothsayer in Wales
Who told some incredible tales

There was a soothsayer in Wales
Who told some incredible tales
My hair stood on end

There was a soothsayer in Wales
Who told some incredible tales
My hair stood on end
He made a spoon bend

That sure sounds a romantic date
With someone who is just a ‘mate’
And my house under water

There was a soothsayer from Wales
Who told some incredible tales
My hair stood on end
He made a spoon bend
And summoned up huge storms and gales

He was big, and he was scary

He was big, and he was scary
Twas wise, when near to be wary

He was big, and he was scary
Twas wise, when near to be wary
He spooked everyone

He was big and he was scary
Twas wise, when near to be wary
He spooked everyone
Made me want to run

He was big and he was scary
Twas wise, when near to be wary
He spooked everyone
Made me want to run
He was really just a big fairy

He soon found out who was boss

He soon found out who was boss
When he rescued a cat called Joss

He soon found out who was boss
When he rescued a cat called Joss
His scratches are healing

He soon found out who was boss
When he rescued a cat called Joss
His scratches are healing
His skin has stopped peeling

He soon found out who was boss
When he rescued a cat called Joss
His scratches are healing
His skin has stopped peeling
They're mates and like rolling in moss

Joss is fond of salmon in trout

Joss is fond of salmon in trout
"I like salmon" he'll often shout

Joss is fond of salmon in trout
“I like salmon” he’ll often shout
The cat is quite spoilt

Joss is fond of salmon in trout
“I like salmon” he’ll often shout
The cat is quite spoilt
Like a sweet young colt

(btw, I meant it to be "salmon and trout in the first line!)

Joss is fond of salmon and trout
"I like salmon" he'll often shout
The cat is quite spoilt
Like a sweet young colt
She only eats salmon no doubt

I have an husband who is mad

I have a husband who is mad
The kids think he's a weird dad

I have a husband who is mad
The kids think he's a weird dad
But he is great fun

I have a husband who is mad
The kids think he’s a weird dad
But he is great fun
Plays with a toy gun

I have a husband who is mad
The kids think he’s a weird dad
But he is great fun
Plays with a toy gun
The last line of this could be sad.

My kid loves to stand on his head

My kid loves to stand on his head
As well as huge jumps on the bed

My kid loves to stand on his head
As well as huge jumps on the bed
He is always very, very keen