Was this appropriate?

Actually I think it's your daughter who is at fault for repeating that kind of thing.

She should have explained to your DS that describing women in those terms is inappropriate and then not brought the subject up again.

Sorry. to your grandson.
And of course your husband is wrong too.

I think that you would need to know the whole conversation before you jump to conclusions and not just the tail end 3rd hand, of which you only caught the end.

If it bothers your daughter then she should speak to her father about it, but it sounds as though they were laughing it off anyway.
You sound surprised that men react to Women’s figures!

I agree janeainsworth - I am disappointed that daughter thought it was funny. I’m not going to challenge her on it as she and I have a slightly brittle relationship. I’m hugely disappointed in husband. I haven’t “ jumped to any conclusions” - I asked him what he may have said to grandson and he said he probably would have commented in that way. I said I was shocked and disappointed and felt it was an inappropriate and demeaning to women type of conversation. He then became argumentative and cross (= guilty?). He’s stormed off now

Oh, dear, I can see both sides. Men are attracted to women and vice versa, otherwise the human race would die out and men - and women will find certain parts of the opposite sex anatomy more attractive than others. Some men are drawn to big breasts, others big buttocks or good legs. Women are the same, they have a weakness for a muscular man or a man with beautiful hands or dark hair

To try to deny that these attractions do not exist is to deny reality. The question then comes, what exactly did your DH say? If it was simply to say, if somewhat coarsely, that he was attracted by a woman with large breasts, I cannot see what the problem is. He was just stating a fact. If he said something that suggested that he judged all women by whether they had big breasts or not and that was the only thing that interested in him in a woman then that was unacceptable.

Have you never ever commented on how attractive you find a particular man or a certain feature in men? I certainly have.

Those were my thoughts too, MOnica

Thanks for your comments, _MOnica - husband says he now doesn’t remember what he actually said, but it was clearly something that left grandson with the idea that Grandad likes boobs. Yes, obviously I don’t deny such attractions, for both sexes - just not sure about commenting to 14 yr old.
Hey ho

I think a 14 year old has heard a lot worse some of the things my teenage grands have told me have made me laugh at their openness but my hair curl at the same time
I m afraid I m with your first thought storm in a teacup
Really no big deal

I can see that this has disturbed you - but you do not have all the facts as to what OH said - and I suspect that 14 year old boys might not be averse to a bit of embellishment. I would let it wash by. If you feel that in general your GS treats women and girls in a respectful way, then he is not going to base his life's attitude to women on this one jokey exchange.

I am wondering if this might have triggered some underlying anxiety that you have about your OH's behaviour or attitudes to women. On the surface of it this does not seem to troublesome.

I think if such a remark was made, it is sleazy. I too think that your daughter making light of it is disappointing. I wouldn't think it at all funny to hear my husband described in such a way, reportedly by my grandson, especially if it was the case that such description arose because of something my husband had said.

I don't think it's a "storm in a teacup" but I can see that it may be more comforting to suppress any disturbing feelings, put on a cheery face and just utter those well worn words "boys will be boys".

I would feel unhappy if someone much older was discussing sexual attraction and their sexual tastes with my child, indeed any child.

I think “advice about girls” from an older trusted person is more in the ballpark of good ways to ask a girl out, etc, or discussion of emotions.

I feel uneasy about older people expressing their specific sexual preferences to children. DGS was obviously amused by it, but could likewise have been quite upset.

I was upset as a young teenager by family friends commenting on my physical development, and I’ve had a lot of friends say likewise. I think the topic is best avoided.

Ahhh but we don’t know the granddad was ‘^discussing sexual attraction and sexual tastes with a child^ muffinthemoo that’s a HUGE leap and a big assumption Talk about Chinese whispers
All the poster knows is the 14 year old mentioned his grandad was a boobs man it may have been a reasonably innocent throwaway remark he may have seen his grandad smile at a buxom woman on tv who knows It really is a huge storm in a teacup if this is the worst grandad ever says or implies I think you don’t have much to worry about

Sallyann why are you feeling down there surely must be more to this than seems from the post Has your husband let you down in the past? is he a womaniser ?

Even if this was inappropriate and bigger than what your post implies your daughter knows and as a teacher she will be very aware of what’s suitable for her son and she doesn’t seem bothered so why should you be ?

I think eloethan hit the nail on the head by describing it as ‘sleazy’.
Of course men and women will be physically attracted to each other. No one is saying that’s wrong or abnormal.
But in this age when apparently the majority of teenage boys have viewed porn online, it’s even more important that boys are taught to respect women as people and not simply as sexual objects.
‘Boob man’ and what that implies about the rest of the conversation just seems to cross a line.
Sally I think least said soonest mended, but perhaps if the opportunity arises you could point out to your grandson that times have changed and modern women don’t really like such terminology.

I fear we are getting to the point of not being able to say anything to anyone, in the not to distant future. It’s man talk, and we girls talk, about men ( esp Hugh Jackman) so I objectify him. Men and women will never stop doing that. Young and old and in between

It’s man talk, and we girls talk, about men ( esp Hugh Jackman) so I objectify him
Speak for yourself, Minxie.

Oh dear, I have to agree with bluebell, I'm sure your grandson will have heard much worse and will probably have laughed at the comments, and would have seen that his grandad respects women.

Well said Minxie anyway if the mum a professional lady and teacher isn’t to perturb why should Sally be unless she’s upset to hear her husband likes boobs

A different story but the other evening I was on a train with 12 yr old and 15 yr old girls there were about 6 ladies I use the term very loosely in their 50s 60 s going out ( it was early evening) we moved half a carriage away as they were so loud but the words coming out of their mouths was totally disgusting They were constantly talking about men’s appendages and who fancied who and who would do what to who very loudly and with great giggles and shreeking laughter My 15 year old turned to me and said how can old grannies talk like that, a young man sitting behind us leaned forward and said to the girls don’t ever get like that
Now that was disgusting

I think we can often see the light when we reverse things a bit eg can you imagine the conversation with your 14 year old granddaughter and saying ‘do you like pert bums? I do. ‘

Op - you are justified in feeling disappointed in your dh objectifying women especially when there is so much education around to try and minimise that.

Would everyone be so openminded if the comment was that granny had been discussing with teenage dgd that she was a 'balls' woman?

Randy grandy should stop trying to impress the kids with his clumsy man talk.
Or do grans discuss attractive men with 14 year old girls like this? I'd get justified cries of TMI if I did.

Cant abide men who objectify women.We have a friend who used to openly comment about womens boobs or lack of ..to his kids .When thay were kids ....as young as 9 or 10.It made my blood boil.This "man" also commented on how "ugly" some people were.
Now I'm no saint but I have never called anyone ugly in my life.As far as I'm aware we all have things about us that are attractive.The strange thing is this guy hmself is no greek god.
I dont ever comment on mens bums or thighs or any other part of them ...I wouldn't expect my OH or my son to make remarks about women .

Things have changed a lot lately. I am sure 30 years ago that would have been a perfectly appropriate man-to-man chat even at that age. I mean "boobs" isn't even a rude word! Just why is society becoming so prudish this century?

Oh Sally I can perfectly understand you, and actually him as well...but don't beat yourself; or him, up about it.
He's obviously sorry he said it that's why he's cross, but they were probably having a laugh and he joined in to make them laugh, it is inappropriate at his age, but no ones died. He's sorry, your sorry, kiss and make up, life's too short. xx

Bit embarrassing, not appropriate, maybe grandpa trying to be one of the boys but also a great opportunity to talk about why it wasn't an appropriate comment today. Also an opportunity to discuss how times and views change over time and how this applies to many areas not just comments about the opposite sex. Hope the family can see this as an opportunity for open family conversations rather than a blame game.