Iis it unnatural to love your partner MORE than your children.

I agree bluebelle I remember someone saying there is a fire who do you rescue your wife or your mother ? your mother you can't replace your mother you can replace your wife

I love my husband and children the same, but in different ways, however, I definitely love my Grandson more than all of them, I was shocked that this happened, as I wasn’t bothered about having grandchildren. I think about him all the time and he adores me as well. I’ve never been given such unconditional love by another person, so perhaps that’s why. I hope it doesn’t change when he becomes a teenager.

It is natural to live your children more than other half....and your grandchildren ...they are if your bloodline.... your husband isn’t!

It's a different kind of love

There are different kinds of love....the love you have for your husband is at first romantic..passionate..but kindness and compassion and caring also enter into the mix, as well as respect for each other. The unconditional love you have for your children is different again. I was always told, without your husband you would,nt have your children, he was there first, always remember that.

You are responsible for your children, and specifically for supporting them through their journey to adulthood. Likewise you do your bit for supporting your grandchildren. It's a totally different relationship, so I agree with Mabon, a different kind of love.

Of course children come first. What kind of wife or husband would expect their partner to elevate their needs above the needs of children ?
The love we have for our children and grandchildren is as others have said, different to the love we share with our husbands/life partners.
Gillybob's description of her childhood, of growing up "knowing" she and her sister weren't top of the priority list and fearing her father summarises the experiences some of my friends had. Children bring their own love with them, so there's always enough to go round.
My husband still says with a smile, that he knew when we got together there would always be children, always be dogs and he'd never be number 1. We have had almost 40 years together to now, love him more all the time and he knows it.

Bluebelle.The love you have for your child is a protective and caring love.If you have a partner you may ? have chosen them because you wanted to be protective and caring in a mothering kind of way or like me when I met my husband to be did not have the urge to want to protect him but fell in love with his looks, his personality and he made me laugh with his quirky sense of humour.
When my children came along I loved them at first sight but this was a love that I would protect them with my life if it came to it.
My mother worshipped my father and I have no doubts the way she treated me through out her life I was second.
My father was different he would listen to me where as my mother had no interest and I truly believe she was jealous of this. However I know my husband, as would my own father and myself put our children first.
I am so glad I am not like my mother.

I remember my mum telling me to always put my husband first. She said your love for your children is biological and without question. Your love for your husband must be nurtured and worked at or it could die. If the parents fall apart the children will always suffer so to do the very best for your children you need strong and loving parents. I think my mum got it about right. She and my dad were married and totally in love for almost 60 years and we had a happy and secure childhood. I realise there are many who have been less fortunate but I think. My mum is a wise old owl.

This is a very good question, it has made me think hard.
The emotion of love is hard to define. A lot of you have said the same thing in different ways in this thread.

Even the love I feel for my husband has changed over the years. But the love I feel for my children is unconditional, tough love sometimes and certainly sprinkled with pride and embarrassment at time. Whilst love for their father is less tolerant, I expect more from him and he can hurt me in ways that my children never can.

So I come down on the side of the love being different and of course we must consider when love stops with the father of our children. That happens more than ever now. But the love we feel for our children, even when they do their best to destroy it, overcomes everything and not to feel that might be considered 'unatural'.

Mothers who re-marry or take another partner I sense are in a real bind when a new partner is introduced into the family. Not being the father of the children with expectations that they should love their new partner children. When this is not the reality and they really don't love or even like the children they inherit, in my view the Mother should always, always protect and put her children first.

Then on the other hand, love for your children or not, the main issue is fairness. If there is an issue between natural father or new partners and children the main thing is to judge the situation and come down on the side of the wronged person, child or spouse or partner.

But sadly we live in a world where lots of children are living with strangers, their Mothers or even Fathers lovers. So whilst the question is simple "is it unnatural to love your partner MORE than your children" the answer is complex.
There really is no one answer, but being fair and honest will make everybody love you in the end.

It should also be said that the only people not related in a family are the Mother and the Father...think about that one!
The natural father as well as the mother will have love for their children, whilst a new partner cannot be expected to have that love, although I am sure it can and does happen.

Our children are always our children. Partners and even the father of our children can and do come and go. So you make your choice and take the consequences of what your children will think about your decision to choose someone else to love more than them when they are adults and you are old.

To me it would be unnatural to love my DH more than my children and grandchildren. They are in my heart, my blood and my bones - they are the people I created and my love is boundless. I love my husband but there are conditions on that love - whereas for my children and grandchildren there will never be any conditions.

Adding to the previous posting. I should add that this can apply to men as well as women. Apology.

stalla1949
You hit the nail on the head...our relationship with our husbands or partners is conditional and love for our children/grandchildren is boundless. That is it in a nutshell.

I love my children more than my husband. That’s just how it is.

The love for the children is a different love for your h surely.

Elegran, I only had 1 daughter and when she married and began having children I wondered whether I'd be able to love No2 as much as I did his brother. As has been stated, Love grows and changes. I now have 4 beautiful GCs as well as my D & SIL to love.
And to be perfectly honest, I love them all equally but differently.
As to loving my OH more, he never stayed arounD long enough for me to find out. His loss!

I love my children more than anything. The love I once had for my husband died long ago. I could never stop loving my children even when I don’t like their behaviour

Love to you

Love is love it’s not a thing one can measure, our black Labrador died of cancer aged 8 in 2007 I think of him most days and we often talk about him. My sister died in February aged 80. I think of her daily as well.

driverann, sorry to hear about your black lab and the loss of your sister. As you say love is love and once gone still remains in the heart.

The question here is about loving ones partner/spouse more than your children. Perhaps we should add our pets to that, and of course our siblings. It really is about loving anyone and putting them before our children I can see that could be the case.

I hope your thoughts of your black lab and your sister give you nice warm feelings of love.

I was at work when I got the message that my dad was at reception. I didn't even know he knew the building I worked in so immediately knew something was badly wrong. The 2 minutes it took me to get down to him seemed like an eternity, I was terrified something awful had happened to one of my children. My first words were are the children alright? When he said they were the relief was overwhelming. Then he told me my husband had drowned.

NanaEm,

This is such a sad story, and typifies how most people would think in the circumstances you describe, is it the kids. What a dreadful shock you must have had to find it was your husband in such unusual circumstances as well. I really don't know how you dealt with that.

I find it unnatural to love a partner more than your children and grandchildren. Romantic love is different to the love you have for your children and grandchild. You can’t replace a child, you can replace a partner.

I think mums put the children first, they are going to demand attention more persistently, certainly until they are 16, longer if you are really unlucky
Husband has to muck in with the rest until they go to bed then you can have some time together.

Great question paddyann, made me think and read all the posts. The question is - is it unnatural to love your OH more than your children? From all the different replies it looks as if its natural to love OH more, children more or both equally in different ways - and people all differ. Personally I love my children totally and unconditionally. I might be critical of them sometimes but I could never stop loving them. My love for OH comes with a raft of conditions including that I get something from him in return. For me it would be unnatural to love OH more.