Bench or Headstone

I like the brick idea Eglantine a tree is a good lasting memorial too. I would prefer a bench to a headstone every time. Please don't leave any plastic flowers in a shrine for me, I will haunt you !!

I want a recycled Victorian stone angel, please, looking suitably grief-stricken and the whole of Grey’s Elergy inscribed in italics around my grave.
Our ancestors did these things so much better than we do now.

I would rather have a tree. But if I must choose one it will be a bench at Eglwysilian near Abertridwr,

I love seeing dedicated benches and enjoy reading the plaques. I don't see anything morbid about them, what a wonderful way to remember a loved one!
Eglantine what a lovely idea.?

Our ancestors did these things so much better than we do now.
They still do in certain places watermeadow - some of the mausoleums that I have seen resemble small houses!

I quite like benches if they're appropriately placed, but here in south Devon there are places where they're too numerous and it all seems wrong.

The thing I hate is when the family decide to decorate the bench with flowers and cards on a particular date. This looks messy, particularly after a couple of days, and puts the bench out of bounds for people who might have wanted to sit on it, as they feel intrusive and embarrassed. If you want a public shrine, have a gravestone, but if you choose a bench, you have to let it go and allow it just to be a bench.

I did allow for the halt and lame, I suggested that they take their seat with them. There are so many types of light portable seating available, some designed specially for people with mobility problems of every kind, which double as walking aids of all kinds so no one should find it impossible to visit somewhere for lack of seating.

I did say that a couple of benches in honey pot places was OK. If the sweep of grass at Whitby had had half a dozen benches scattered across its couple of hundreds yards it would have been fine, but a figure that was probably in excess of 100?

Halt and the lame what bloody century are you in MOnica using bloody language like that- your post is a patronising disabilist disgrace.and your ‘solution’ ’ is wrong on so many levels that I haven’t the time or energy to try and put you right. Just carry on enjoying your fit, mobile lifestyle and complaining about anything that spoils your views but makes life better for those who don’t have your good fortune.

I don't mind a bench but I agree about the amount, where I work at a nursing home there are loads and although plenty of grounds to put them, there is a limit, I personally would prefer a tree

I love reading the little stories also that are on the plaques. If I do sit on one of the benches it makes me think of the people who's fav spot it was and what it meant to them. I'm sure they would be pleased that others would sit on their benches and enjoy the view as they once did.
Going back to Whitby... Where I have been many times...you will find a bench in the memory of Sophie Lancaster... Whom I'm sure most of us will have heard of, she was the young Goth girl who dared to dress different, for that she was beaten to death and her boyfriend badly injured.

We don’t expect any sort of memorial, certainly not one that requires upkeep. We’ve nominated a spot for our ashes to be scattered if our family finds it possible, otherwise a location of their choosing. No grave to be tended. If funds allow we’d like a donation made to a local organisation of our choice. If that happens there will be a small acknowledgement by the organisation but that isn’t important. Our family can choose to remember in their own way. There are many memorial benches near here, they are at the back of a promenade and so do not spoil the view which is in front of them. I’m comfortable with them and always say a quiet thank you to the people and their families when I need to sit down. The cemetery where my parents have a headstone is in a different town, it’s full. Mr C’s parents’ headstone is in a town even further away. We visit when we can but also remember them where we are, a shrub in our garden is dedicated to all family and they are in our hearts.

Hadn’t ever thought of this before your OP Teetime. Our loved ones are scattered (literally) far and wide so of the two ideas I would opt for a bench. Somewhere where both Corfe Castle and the station can be seen, it is the most beautiful place. Don’t even feel the need for a bench, would be content flung on the hillside nearby.

That’s a bit harsh grannyticktock - after all if the family have paid for the bench and its installation, then please alllow them their little tokens of remembrance of those odd special days. Sad that it offends you but remember they are only expressing their sorrow.

I think benches are nice but en masse maybe a step too much I remember walking somewhere down in Cornwell and there were loads to all young surfers who d lost their lives I felt quite sad as I was walking along reading them They are very expensive I think
I think trees are a better idea
I guess I ll have a headstone
I can’t believe someone said they asked people to move off ‘their’ bench that’s naughty once it’s given to the public it’s not yours to ask Maybe that was tongue in cheek

Benches are one thing but I have noticed many families add bunches of flowers etc. turning the benches into memorials which should not be allowed. In our local walled garden it is getting beyond a joke.

I've told my family I like the idea of a memorial bench for me in my local park. Ive walked in there several times a week since moving to the area, and more so since getting a dog in April.
I really like looking at the benches, and think its a really lovely idea that other people get the pleasure of your donation. Also a lovely place for family to sit and remember you. The spot I have in mind has a little cafe, and a bowling green and is a lovely sunny spot.

Neither, once i'm gone, i'm gone

Well one thing I learned today from reading these posts was that I never heard the words disabiliist or disabilism before.Made me search the dictionary to learn their meaning.And now I know.

I find the mawkish plaques on benches depressing. Why should my walk be beset with other peple's attention seeking, when I am gone I want to be free of this life and other people and their memories cluttering the bloody place up.

We need more benches everywhere but really all this sentimental stuff just intrudes. Life is for the living and the dead should be remembered by those who loved them, and not litter the countryside and beauty spots with their emotional baggage. Dedicated beds and day rooms in hospices etc are the same..........like the dead looking over your shoulder , let them go, it is the transitory, anonymous nature of life that makes it so precious. We stand on the shoulders of giants, that knowledge should be enough.

For me, no bench and definitely no headstone. I remember people without the need for either and I hope that will be true for my family and friends.

I like to read the inscriptions on benches when I am out and about and therefore give a passing thought to the person the bench is dedicated to. I would also be happy to take a seat because, as already said, that is what they are there for.
I find the thought of being in a grave yard and reading the headstones a whole lot sadder

Attention seeking, eh? What a sad idea.

These benches are quite expensive, and in Beamish they have a limit to the number they have.
The reason we chose one there for my husband was because it was the last place he was out under his own steam with the whole family before he died of brain cancer.
It was in October and very cold, and he started to shiver and could not walk any further. We had to ask the staff for help to get him back to the car park. If there had been an empty bench he could have sat on it. As it was he had to stand and hold himself up by the lamppost.

I am sure we never thought of it as attention seeking, but more the fact that there are many older people who go to Beamish and need to sit down at times, as it takes a lot of walking or getting on and off buses or trams.

His seat is in a picnic area and is used by other families, who are grateful for it as well.
Emotional baggage; attention seeking. Good heavens, what a strange life you lead, radicalnan, if that's what you think.

Ashes cast upon the River Severn, near where we live and where have enjoyed many a ramble along its banks. But not just yet.

The plaques on benches are usually quite moderate to small. Why read them if you find them ‘mawkish’ you could just walk in by, and of course not use the bench,

My dad has a headstone but we also planted daffodils in his name on the daffodil walk at Grasmere.We usually take my mum up there to see them in the spring,they spent a lot of happy holidays in the Lake District.