My dear friend is ill, what words of comfort can I give to her.

This is such terribly sad news for your friend; I wish I could offer you advice, I'm sure others will be better placed to, all I can say is be the very ggod friend to her that you obviously are, let her talk/cry when she needs it, try to help her enjoy life when you can..

So sad. I agree with devongirl Just be there for her. I have a friend who has cancer and another friend whose husband is very ill with cancer (he is only in his 60s). I have no idea what to say or do but I try to listen and encourage them. My own DH has cancer (but thankfully he is in remission) so I know a little about it. All good wishes.

AlgeswifeVal I was so sad to read your post and it feels close to home for me too. My dearest friend has to have a mastectomy imminently and I am so sad for her. She is very grounded and pragmatic - sometimes perhaps a little too resolutely 'ok'. I just want her to know I am there for her - we have had extra meet ups during the surgery waiting time and I am planning visits and messages for afterwards - we live about 25 miles apart. I am also planning to send a DVD that I think she will like as a surprise for recovery time. Still, it is horrible to feel there is so little I can do, but I suppose being alongside, asking how she is and genuinely wanting to know / listen may help. I have also suggested an activity for about 6 weeks after the op as something to look forward to.
Your friend seems to have so much to bear. I think it is also a shock for you to have to absorb her sad news, but it must help her to have such a close friend and confidante in you.

My dear friend who died last year had a very dark sense of humour when it came to her cancer. Fortunately or unfortunately, which ever way you want to look at it, so do I, maybe it's my way of dealing with it.
I have another friend who has a very weak heart, serious kidney problems, bowel problems, and, what we call the icing on the cake, gout!!
Some days we cry with laughing about all her problems.
Not everyone's way of dealing with these awful situations but laughter gets us through.

My doctor told me last week that breast cancer in post menopausal women generally has a much better outcome than those who are pre menopausal, so maybe a message of hope for your friend.
Imperfect, katie and algeswifeval, just carry on being the good caring friends that you are.

Very sad Algeswife but if you can be there for your friend, then that is all that she can want.She should tell her son though, as it will come out sooner or later anyway.My friend has undergone the same treatment for the same thing recently and is also 75. She is doing very well.The treatment for breast cancer and the chances of survival are really very good these days.Keep hopeful, and try and keep your friend's hopes up too, both for herself and her son's girlfriend.

What a bugger this disease is - truly an epidemic. Thank goodness this lady has a true friend in you algieswife - as others have said, all you can do is be there for her. I have a fiend with longstanding cancer who has held it at bay for many years with surgery and regular chemo. We chat on the phone, meet up for lunch to put the world to rights, and I occasionally accompany her to appointments when asked. Nothing remarkable or spectacular, but she just knows I am there. And that she can tell it like it is with me - the good and the bad. And we have a lot of laughs too.

- she is a friend and not a fiend as written above!!!!

Silverlining48 you mention post menopausal women. My friend was on HRT tablets for many years. From age 50 until 75. Has only been off them for one year. I do know that doctors don't like you being on HRT for that length of time. Bit concerning.

alges
in the vernacular that all sucks.

is your friend close to the girlfriend
it may help for them to team up.
so bad for son/bf
but sometimes someone else fighting the same battle can keep you stonger.and if son is the fussing type and can fuss over both at once.

give her lots of tea with dry bits of orange peels,we have a tea in states called constant comment tea
it has orange peel and spices.earl grey is close,but not quite
the orange peels have chemicals that help your body in so many ways.(trying not toget scientific here)
as usual the part you throw out is better than the part you eat.
sounds silly but good for immune system,lung function and not being hungry and all the other things that come from all the chemical bombbardment.

my family on the other hand all have a very dark sense of humor.
when auntie told cousin and me about double mastectomy we asked if we could have all her pretty bras.
my mom was a brassiere salesperson for speciality bras(nursing,mastectomy etc)

on that note do what you can to make her laugh and if you live close to the sea salt air is so good for you.

best wishes to your friend and the girlfriend its a hard road.

Thankyou Mimiro.

I think all the above advice is good. I have 2 friends who have had post menopausal bc and both are doing really well.

If the girlfriend's cancer proves to be worse, your friend might have feelings of guilt which she will need to offload on someone - be there for her then especially. You are a good friend.

Mum had a partial mastectomy and node removal at 70. She recovered quickly and continued to be cancer free until she died at 86 due to her dementia. Age is often irrelivant when it comes to breast cancer.
Your helping your friend AwV by careing enough to ask and I'm sure you will continue to help by just being there. I wish her and S's GF well.

So sorry Alges to hear about the double whammy in your life.

My close friend and myself are going through tough times in our lives at present. We text each other regularly and moan, speak on the phone and give each other time to state all her worries about her daughter and me about my son and grandchildren. I cry as I, she is more stoical.

We also meet up and try and have a normal day out like we used to.

We keep saying to each other 'these bad times can't last and one day we will both smile again'.

Isn't life a roller coaster?

So terribly sorry to hear this, your friend is so lucky to have you, especially at this time, stand by her and give support.I hope things arent too sinister for your friends Sons girlfriend. Sending hugs to you.

I think just being as normal as possible is helpful to people in that awfulness. Just be there. There is hope and there is such comfort in good friends. I feel for you all having lost my sister and aunts to this disease.

You sound like a good caring friend and that's exactly what she will want right now. Be there for her, listen to her as she will probably share her fears with you as a friend as she probably feels she cant do with her son at the moment. Friends like you are worth their weight in gold. Just being there will be so a great gift to your friend.

AlgeswifeVal : So sorry to read your post and hope that something can be done to help your friend and her son's girlfriend. What an evil disease this is. Not sure if your friend has a partner or other family to give support, but she is lucky to have you and will need help during treatment/operations and afterwards. Lots of good advice here. There are a number of cancer clinics who back up the regular treatment with advice on diet etc and can give counselling and support. Sending hugs to you and everyone who is going through this. x

As someone who has had breast cancer ( and survived ), I know that having friends around who care is all that matters. You cannot change her or the girlfriends diagnosis , but you can listen and support her. You cannot mend things, but you can be around to help in practical terms - taking her to appointments, helping with housework etc. Phone her everyday and just be there.
I would recommend suggesting she is honest with her son. Hiding her diagnosis is not going to help him. It is amazing what people can cope with and she will feel better for sharing. She and his girlfriend can help support each other.

Such sad news and so difficult for you.There is a useful book entitled "What can I do to help?" by Deborah Hutton which a friend found most beneficial when her daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer in her early 30s.

My m.iL was diagnosed with breast can Cher in her late eighties and had lumpectomy. I. Thought at the time she was too old to go through that but she did and died nearly 100 cancer free. The drs said tha at her age cancer cells travel Slowly and it didn't spread.
Ur friends son can't feel any worse than he does! So she ll have to say now. That will help her, cos worrying about telling family is pressure. Just tell ur friend u ll be there or her and offer a confidential ear,

Sending your friend and you hugs. Be her friend. Be there for her.

oh, how sad, we so want to be able to say uplifting or comforting words in this kind of situation, but sometimes you just need to ''be'' rather than ''do''. Being alongside your friend letting her talk through all her worrying thoughts is the best support you can give. Knowing someone else really cares can help.

A truly difficult situation, but Cancer in all its forms is not the killer it was even 10 years ago, and progress in treatment is being made every day. I strongly recommend taking a look at the MacMillan site, which provides comprehensive support, and encourages a positive outlook. Just be there for your friend, and continue to be that good listener.