Escape

Reading the posts has already helped. Especially the idea of lists and the idea of a retreat. I might go and stay in a caravan on the coast for a couple of nights..I think 42 years of marriage makes one lose autonomy. Many thanks to you all

Hope you get some peace carolboz ?

Radicalnan. Wow. What you have written I could have written - its exactly how I feel and think, down to the seagulls. And Chicklette I was in my 30's when I read Anne Tyler's Ladder of Years and identified. And, like Maggieanne I don't think I have ever been happy. For me it is not a matter of circumstances particularly, it is a matter of personality and temperament. Maybe Carolboz, you you it is more a matter of circumstances. But in any case you ask about escape and I have mine. To quote Somerset Maughan "To acquire the habit of reading is to construct for yourself a refuge from almost all the miseries of life".

I hope you find some peace it's difficult to walk away I did from the partner ,home, and community I'd lived for over thirty years sometimes staying and trying to work through it is the best option but I'm happy how my life is now but looking forward and being optimistic helps and having my little caravan in the countryside I can retreat to when it gets too much.

CarolBoz - Your real concerns are not unusual. I feel that many factors are going on and sometimes we feel a lack if purpose. I'm feeling the same way and I can only approach it at one day at a time. Problem is, I've ran/walked away when I was younger and I know how it feels to try to reconstruct a new life, however sometimes now I wonder if I'd be better off really out of it. My only concern is the struggle to keep a roof over my head, pay bills, look after grandchildren, be everything to all that know me. I have only family and they're a great bunch but they don't know how I feel. I would only say to you, walking away doesn't solve matters and it's important to stay put and improve what we have. Find some peace, as has already been said in retreat or lose yourself in new interests. It could open up great opportunities in the future.

Go out with a friend Caroleboz and have a good laugh -not on your own - laughter is the best medicine!! I find that is best for me when I am fed up with my life and wish I could retire from our business and do all the things I want to do with the rest of my life. I am 70 next year- we don't need to continue working but I am Married to a 75 year old workaholic!! Should I just stop doing the business accounts in order to have more freedom - or what? Difficult decisions- inevitable arguments- no escape?!!

I phoned the Samaritans once years ago. They couldn't do more than listen, but after I had put the whole situation into words I did feel a lot better, despite nothing had actually changed.
Or perhaps Cruse would be useful?

Now there's an idea harrysgran - a caravan!! Yes - got me thinking now !!! Thankyou!! Xx

I know this is no help to any of you, but reading all your posts has been great for me. I didn't realise so many others feel as I do. To people on the outside I have a seemingly perfect life and appear to be the happiest person. In reality none of it means a thing to me and I plod on being a dutiful wife/mother/grandmother with no pleasure in life. This is not to do with my age, I have always felt the same.

Many of us feel the need to escape and sort our thoughts which cannot be done in the crowded world of families and grandchildren. I have always found that parking my car somewhere with beautiful or spectacular scenery and with good music on my cd, helps me to focus my mind and put my thoughts into order. Having gathered my thoughts I find a chat with a close friend sorts out what is important. I would hate the solitude of a retreat as one of my issues is loneliness

i have often thought of just walking away! And all those kind posts above made me cry. There are still days when life seems too much but thanks to a lot of 'talking therapy', newfound interests and friends, I generally cope. I too am a bookworm and now often listen to a talking book (free from library) - the humorous ones are very uplifting. In my darkest hours I listen to Ladies of Letters. Wonderful. Over the last few years I have begun to write poetry - it's not earth-shattering stuff, but i find it a great way to let my emotions out safely.

I have gone through times like you, not that good at the moment. Try and stay strong there seems to be a lot of support on here which is so good.

Carolboz- you are not alone. I think we all from time to time feel as you do, and the feeling can be overwhelming, which is quite frightening.
I agree with others here about getting away for a while if you can. My husband went to a retreat when he had a mid-life crisis and he came back a different person. He was able to work through his emotions so that they no longer dominated his thoughts.
Meditation is also helpful. I once went to a group meditation class and it was really uplifting. You literally rise above your thoughts and feel new positive energy that lasts for a long while afterwards.

Hi carolboz. As others have said unfortunately when we care about people we do feel like this. I often have bouts feeling like it. I care for my mother inlaw with Alzheimer's my nan whose 100 and my mum in her 70's. My daughter has ME and so I am often looking after the two grandchildren. I love them all dearly and want to be there for them. But sometimes this means saying no and having to take time for myself. I learnt this the hard way by being rushed into hospital with suspected heart attack. Turned out to be stress. We are naturally people who care for others but this means caring for ourselves which I know I find really hard. I have a blessing notebook which I use to write positive points about my life. And try to ensure that I take at least a few hours out a week to do something for me. I have also found a short walk each day is good. I really hope you find a happy place to help u cope all the best xx

Zondru, very good post and helpful to us all. Thank you.

Belinda49 ' I know this is no help to any of you, but reading all your posts has been great for me. ' Your post is of help to others, in the same way their posts have been great for you. We see friends/family/passers-by and think them lucky as they don't have our difficulties, but in all likelihood they too are anguishing internally and are 'putting on the brave face'. I empathise with all who want to walk away or who don't want to wake up each morning.

I heard or read somewhere that Life is Hell on Earth and have certainly agreed with that at times in my life. Because of how I was feeling I could never find the courage to do something about it. Then, out of the blue, an opportunity waved at me and I spontaneously grabbed it with both hands. I'm so glad I did. Life still isn't a bed of roses but I can at least smell the flowers now.

Love to all who feel alone in their thoughts

Who has been really happy. Probably lots of us but it doesn't look like on TV with lovers running to each other and Mums and babies in ads.

I read the otherday that happiness is being in the right place -if you feel you are in the right place then you are happy. Perhaps you don't feel you are in the right place.
And if that is so then you share that with many people.

I remember my mother leaving the house on a Sunday leaving my bad tempered father and me and my siblings and a roast in the oven. I can't recall if the dinner ever landed on the table and I suppose my mother came back that day but it did us all good and we appreciated what she did, but I was always in fear that she really would go one day.

If the feeling get stronger then you should perhaps go away for a while or is this just not possible?

Cornergran's advice sounds a good thing to do. It might help to clear your mind and help you relax a bit. I think it would be wonderful to escape from every day life just for a little bit. For me it would be in North Scotland

I've often felt like that lately but I know it's because events are overwhelming me. It gives me some insight into how people do that. I'm sure we've all read of somone who went out for a newspaper and didn't come back. They probably felt as you do. I haven't got any advice. Generally a walk helps me. Or watching a funny programme. Meditation wouldn't do me any good I just don't seem to have what it takes to do it. It seems to have the opposite affect on me. Making me feel frustrated. I can't even read a book when I feel that way.
Oh to live in Greece, next to the sea,not far from a little village. That's not what would happen though. I'd be in some damp block of flats crying my eyes out.

Ps, sorry I got carried away feeling sorry for myself. I hope you feel better soon.

Carol - I expect most of us have felt like that sometimes.
I can hardly believe it now, but one day I was so overwhelmed with fulltime work, teenage family etc I felt I couldn't cope any more. I took my passport and some money and got the bus to Hull docks where I planned to get on a ship going to Holland - completely mad!Luckily there was a kind policeman patrolling the docks and he persuaded me to go back home - he took me all the way in his car.
I was so glad to be back - and no-one at home noticed.

I have unexpected guests arriving so not much time. Carolboz it is quite normal to feel you need to be able to walk away. I suggest you look at your routines in life. On a day to day basis you should have a place that is time for yourself - in summer perhaps a cup of tea in your shed/summer house etc. Winter by the fire. You should have an outing i.e. swimming or the gymn or ladies lunch which is for you. On a longer term basis a place you can go to for a walk and talk with friends. I love Arnside a friend loves Lytham St Annes.

I do book 2 holidays a year so that I always have something to look forward to. But we are not all so lucky.

Recently I have asked a friend about the nearly local Budist retreat she goes to when stressed with daily life.

I do regularly look through my address book and ring friends I have not been in touch with recently and invite them to meet up at the local farmers shop for tea etc.

I am already looking at Christmas programmes of local adult college, the U3A, the retired Union members etc and local belly dance groups so that I have events in my diary to attend in December.

i try to have one special thing in my diary for each week. So that I am not left thinking what shall I do I need company etc.

Sadly some of my local friends have died and it is not as easy as it used to be to meet up at a few hours notice for a film at the local cinema etc.

Hope you find what you need.

Don't go to a caravan, B & B at least. If you can afford it a hotel. Today, I share your feelings. Let us know where you decide to go, who knows I think there are many others who would like to join you.

I also feel like that some times. I have bought up two grandchildren for the last 13 years they came to live with us that is my husband and me when they were 4 years and 7 years they came with their Father (our Son) when his marriage brook up his wife wanted him to leave and he said he would not go with out the children, she said take the children he had no where to go except to us, they at that time lived in London and we lived in Devon. i went to get the children, i can still remember meeting them at the station in London their little faces as they left with me on the train waving to their mum i don't think they new they were leaving her for good it still brings tears to my eyes when i think about it.our Son eventually left us with the children and we have bought them up ever since. there has been many difficult times through the years we had to sell our small farm in the country to move nearer the town for the sake of the children, i have had a few minor health problems as you do when you get older and some times i just feel i want to run away from it all, but i know i could not leave my husband or the children. So i either go up on Exmoor for the day and just sit and think or sometimes i go for a few days to stay with a friend in Sussex who i have known for many years she is very understanding and that seems to help. you just have to find what works for you.

Sometimes I just need to be alone; I feel guilty about that because I know some people are very lonely and not through choice. I just feel as if I want silence to clear my head of everything. I love caravans; they're like being in the open air but with amenities. Don't think B&B's are getting away from people..more like being at home but not being able to do what you like [and you have to vacate the room for it's daily clean].