Escape

It all depends on why and what you are needing to get away from , if it's a physical situation then yes a break a retreat can help enormously but if it's somethingbwithin yourself you can't get away as you take you with you and being on your own with nothing to divert you would maybe make it worse

I think Pattieann has made a good point writing can be cathartic

Just back from holiday with my whole family. I live alone now and sometimes feel low but my family is my support always.

Violette, your story is horrifying and puts my small whingeings into perspective. It does, indeed, sound as if your partner is suffering from a Narcissistic personality disorder and, if you research this, you will find that it will not get any better. It sounds as if you might even be in some danger and your day to day existence seems like a purgatory. Cut your losses and move out now. However, do not give him (or his friends and contacts) any notice of your intention to do so. Plan, pack lightly and go without leaving any forwarding address.

I do sympathise with your desire to be somewhere warm but safety and health are also important so do consider the UK. It is a lovely country with fabulous sympathetic people and probably the best social and health safety net in the world. Ignore all the Brexit complaining, nothing has changed at all here.

Hello Violette,I am sure I am not the only person who went to bed last night and woke this morning thinking of you,please do not stay in this toxic relationship but whatever you do please let us know what you eventually decide to do,I wish you the strength to make the decision and move on xx????

Well I did not really expect any response, on Saturday my proverbial bucket had spilled over again. However it is now upright and I am able to cope. I can not walk away, it would cause even more problems but am trying to get more proactive with lifes challenges.Violette, like others I really feel for you. Is there not an equivalent to social services where you are who can step in and help. What about at your husbands clinic?Even if you don't want to talk to them at your husbands appointments, what about phoning his consultants secretary and asking for advice? I am trying to find happiness in different areas, tho lack of happiness is not my real problem. I have lovely children who care for me and provide me with happiness, its dealing with that bucket, which for the last few years has just got fuller and fuller and I sometimes seem unable to stem the tide. Anyway, thank you every one for your ideas and thoughts on coping with life, I will try those that are appropriate.I will also try to write a more optimistic blog next time. xx

Gosh, sitting here in tears,everything already said is so true in my life. I'm going to go swimming in the sea with two grandsons today, just where I learnt to swim 54 years ago, maybe that will awaken future thoughts of what to do, the Buddhist retreat sounds do-able, meanwhile waiting in for a new printer which grumpy husband will want to get going immediately. Perhaps I'll have swum over to France by that time. Be strong and brave everyone.

Carol - there is a sort of social worker you can go to for advice in France, and maybe their Dr. can do more, but in general care of the elderly in France falls mainly on the family. There are Care Homes, but unless you're almost penniless, families have to pay all the fees.
There's often a funeral in the village of someone in their 90s, or more, who has been quietly living with their offspring for years, and no-one has seen them for ages.
There are home helps, but again they have to be paid by the employer.

These stories are so sad. I have had my fair share of horrible and upsetting experiences too. Actually too many to go into - and some are ongoing. I did however leave a bad situation 20 years ago. Life is too precious to waste in a relationship gone wrong. We both ended up leading much better lives even though he never spoke to me again.
Leaving a situation is not always an option for some people though.
To try and cope with my present bad situation I took up Ukulele 2 years ago. Music is such a healer!
I go to lessons which gives me something else to focus on and I also met another lady there who took it up after her teenage daughter died and another whose son had died. For us our group has become a lifeline where we play and sing together and have fun again. I am also in a choir which is also very uplifting. Many people think they are not musical or not arty but taking up something new which involves concentrating on something other than our problems is a great release and helps enormously. Most towns have music, art or writing groups and choirs. It's worth a try.
Whatever you do or however you all deal with your problems I hope you find happiness. Love + hugs x

I'm off to a spa for a two day break in two weeks, I deserve it for working hard for over 30 years. Lots of changes this year, upset, tears and more to come, so time to recoup, charge up those batteries, have a massage or two, good food, some sleep and on with the next stage.

I have gone away to hotels, B & B's, caravans, flats, anywhere to get some time away to think, relax and to plan my next course of action. It helps to do this to get to know yourself well. I haven't tried a Buddhist retreat as I chat too much and the ones my family member goes to is a silent one so that would not do for me. I don't fancy that anyway, I like to be by myself with my doggie.

I do think that you have to keep in touch with yourself over the years and not lose yourself too much along the way. I think trying to keep yourself too busy is not a good thing as there is no time then for thinking or learning just what pleases you. I've learnt to chill out a lot more these last few years because I have to due to health. But it helps the mind too. I've edited my life to be far simpler than it ever was and it makes me happier.

Good post, Ruby

Yes, very good.
We need to re-learn to be ourselves, after looking after other people all these years.

I have been so moved reading these posts. I was living in Devon ten years ago in a beautiful place but every morning when I went to the shops I stood and stared at the river and fantasised about jumping in and being swept away to nothingness. I persuaded my husband, who is a very difficult man, to move to London to be nearer our children and grandchildren. The thing that has really turned my life around has been joining the Labour Party!! (Not for everyone I know). It has been wonderful. I am the oldest person in a bunch of exceptionally nice, idealistic young people who really care about the society we live in. I go campaigning with them, get invited for meals or just run into them around here and chat. I think having a common purpose outside my own life has been immensely helpful.

Good for you onneker. I've just re-joined but sadly can't go to meetings because we live abroad.
It's good to know that it's the young people who care and are politically active.