Lateness height of rudeness

I wonder how long It was before the OP's friend eventually arrived.

Being late is very bad mannered and inconciderate, and I always try to be on time, or slightly early.

My mobile hairdresser is never on time though she is a lovely person. Whether she thinks that because she is calling at my home, time isn't so important, not sure. But we're usually doing something.

My son has a friend who drives him mad with his unpunctuality. We're talking hours, not minutes!

Lateness can only be excused in an emergency, in my opinion. It's a real bugbear of mine.

I have a friend who was always late! Not only with me but with others too. When I challanged her she said that she never felt that anyone would wait for her and felt worthless. Thought it interesting as she always came over as very confident. I think 10 mins.is ok but after that challenging! She now is very rarely late I think it's because she is in a happier place in her life.

It is in the middle class code book that it is imperative to be late for any occasion to which one is invited.

However, I am only aspirationally middle class and am pretty OCD about everything anyway so I cannot stand to be late or for others to arrive after the allotted time. If you are cooking for others the dinner can be completely ruined by latecomers and if you arrive on time as an invitee and the food is still hours away it is sheer agony. These days even keeping awake is a task!

My solution for awaiting tardy guests is self medicating with a nice bottle of champers. If I am totally off my head while I am getting the food on the table I feel that it is an 'at your own risk' issue. If you want to be late, you risk the drunk cook.

Always being late because you have no confidence that people will wait for you sounds like self-fulfilling prophesy sort of talk.

One of the advantages of being divorced from my husband is really that I do not have to cope with his lateness anymore. He has been late all his life, but what really topped it when he arrived one hour late for his son's wedding, and we had to keep everybody waiting. Fortunately the celebrant was very understanding - I definitely was not, just fuming and felt we should just get on with it. The other day he left his daughter waiting for four hours in Covent Garden, she spent a lot of money and was rather tipsy by the time he arrived. I cannot express how rude I consider it to be when people arrive late. 5/109 minutes I might just about understand but any longer shows a lack of respect and is humiliang for the person who is polite enough to wait.

I'm always too early and I hate it but I would hate being late even more! I often end up driving round the block or going into a shop I have no interest in just to kill time before I arrive

I have a friend who is always late and always has an excuse for it. It drives me crazy. I sit outside her house in my car and wait and wait, my patience slowly going off parr. It happens every time, likewise when she picks me up (as we take it in turns) I know that she will never ever be at my house at the pre-arranged time.
It is in my opinion rude and selfish.
I was never late for work i was always sitting at my desk 20 mins before the start time.

My husband was always, always late - usually by several hours, but occasionally by a day or two. If anyone else was late he would hit the roof and start ranting on about what a busy man he was and how he had no time for unpunctuality. It became such a joke that we all carried on without him, and if he actually turned up for anything, then we made space. He seemed totally unaware of the chaos he caused!
He suffered severely with bipolar disorder, which I guess probably went some way towards explaining his behaviour.
Sadly he took his own life, and left a note to that effect before going out to sea in his boat and jumping over the side. It took coastguard and rescue services ten days to find his body, and all that time I expected that he would turn up, and that it would all have been one of his pranks. We had prepared for his possible burial, but nothing could happen until he turned up one way or another, so he really was late for his own funeral.
He was the most infuriating man, bless him, but he was also warm-hearted, generous and funny, and we still miss him, twelve years on. God bless you mate, this Christmas, wherever you may be - and we shall be raising a glass to you at 1.30pm precisely!

I've always been an early/prompt arriver, and my DH considerably different. Infuriating. It shows lack of consideration, no getting away from it.

We used to live on the borders of Essex and Suffolk. If we had a supper party the Essex guests would invariably arrive at least 20 minutes late while the Suffolk lot would arrive 10 minutes early. We soon got the hang of this and invited them at different times so they all arrived at the same time. Simple!

Being late is so rude!

TT I would not wait any more on future occasions, in fact just tell your friend to ring when she gets there so that you know when to set off!

We have a friend who never considers that he is late until he is more than half an hour past the agreed time, even when it is a regular occasion as opposed to a one-off. He has four sons who are learning to be just like him!

Being too early is just as bad and can also cause problems. My father was always too early and caused havoc wherever he went and it continued right through to his funeral. We were all in stitches as we hurtled along in pursuit of the hearse and when we got to the crematorium he was already lying in state in the chapel as we all arrived in the car park. The last funeral guests were only just filing out at the back! He was the same in death as in life and we all laughed so much that it took away any angst anyone might have felt. I think the laughter was partly relief that it would never happen again! I am always very careful about time and try to be considerate and DH is super punctual as are the rest of the family. Perhaps nobody else wants everyone to be having a good laugh at their funeral.

I have two friends who are always late, 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes. When I asked one if she would text me if she was going to be late, she said, irritably, 'It's not my fault if it's hard to find a parking spot' (you allow extra time, ducky, like wot I do); well, she's a good friend in other ways, so I've stopped meeting her for lunch and invite her here instead, then it doesn't matter if she's late: I can do the ironing, do a few dozen press ups, learn the tango......or just read my book.
The other, newer friend was never on time,so I decided to be late myself; she had arrived early, for once, and texted me when I was 5 mins late; 'Where are you? Are you coming?' So, decided not to pursue the friendship.

I'm usually fairly on time - perhaps 5/10 minutes late occasionally. My husband is often late because he finds it difficult to adjust his routine to fit in with an appointment or invitation. It can be very stressful when we're invited to friends' houses or to celebratory events - and when I've been waiting for ages getting more and more wound up he appears downstairs saying "Are you ready?" as if it's me who has been holding him up! Grrr!

I've just been reminded of the only time I've been late as an adult! In Barcelona for a weekend, getting ready to meet others for dinner when we gat a 'where are you?' call. We'd remembered Spain was an hour a dead but forgotten their clocks had gone forward that day! Red faces on us but I cringe at the thought that we'd told some other tourists that the clocks didn't change that weekend, I only hope they double checked and didn't miss a flight...

Cikada

any longer shows a lack of respect and is humiliating for the person who is polite enough to wait

I think this sums it up for me - at least in certain circumstances, or rather it used to. When I met my ExH in the 70s I was far less comfortable waiting on my own in pubs - in those days a woman on her own got pestered or pitying looks from others who presumed she had been stood up.

One time I waited an hour at a bus stop in a not too nice area of town and he didn't come. No mobile phones in those days - and I felt too humiliated to ring from a phone box and maybe speak to his mother and find he had gone somewhere else, so I just went home.

He phoned me later furious that I hadn't waited. He had fallen asleep and his mother hadn't woken him - so it was her fault.

I still wonder today why I bothered marrying him at all.

I'm sorry but I think being early is the height of rudeness too! I am habitually late - by about 15 to 20 mins and am quite happy to accept people being up to 30 minutes late for me. we live busy, stressful lives and it is not always possible to time it exactly right - and anyway I am too busy stuffing mushrooms to watch the clock all the time. I have improved over the years and my partner does from time to time tell me an earlier time.

But who is it that checks the children/animals are OK, remembers to assemble present/bottle of wine/pudding, shut curtains, leave light on, check heating for return home, and also turn up looking a million dollars having spent about 15 minutes getting ready. Not the men in our lives I bet!

We are regularly invited out so I can't be that unpopular, and my partner and I hold very good parties and dinners with a lot of attention to detail and everyone seems to thoroughly enjoy themselves and don't leave to way past midnight but which time I am ready for bed! What really drives me INSANE is those who arrive early, hang about expecting drinks, nibbles, conversation etc, in my kitchen while I am trying to put together last minute finishing touches and still trying to look a million dollars. I now tell people (except the really late arrivers) to arrive after a particular time, and those who are habitually early I tell them not to be early!

Please can I be you?

I was even early for my wedding.
I was taught that punctuality is the politeness of princes and am terrified of being late.
( perhaps I should start planning my funeral and booking the crematorium to be sure of being on time?).

I'm like annifrance - I am usually only ever, at best, on time or 5 - 10 minutes late. What annoys me is that, whatever it is, if you are expected to be somewhere at 7.30 for, say a choir practice or a meeting to organise something, nothing actually ever gets DONE for the first 15 minutes. So quite honestly, I have no scruples about not being there for that time. By the time everyone has got down to business, I've been sitting there with my pad and pencil, music folder, or whatever, in complete silence for 5 minutes, even though I arrived late in the first place. If you want to chat and faff around, then stay on afterwards, folks.

When I do arrive late, I do not seek attention. I creep in and stand at the back, or sit down if there's a free seat, and absolutely hate it when people start scraping chairs all over the place, totally unnecessarily.

Then there are those (especially here in Germany) who will turn up for things early. This is very very stressful if you have invited people for dinner or, worse still, a kids' birthday party. I once asked my sister-in-law to come for our Christmas Eve Dinner, prior to going to midnight mass, at about quarter past 7. I had timed everything exactly, so that I really would be ready on time this time, and she rang the bell at 5 pm! There I was, dangling from the ceiling, perched precariously over all the open boxes of Christmas decorations - looking a mess myself, and the family dashing around wrapping presents and fiddling about in the kitchen. We must have looked so shocked that she offered to go away and come back later.

In the cases that you all mention where people are meeting in a restaurant for a meal, I have never experienced anyone turning up so late that we couldn't all order at the same time, and, if we had, we have always found some compromise, with the cooperation of the waiters, or the latecomers "just having a salad".

To me, waiting for trains, buses or planes is the worst waste of time and I time it to arrive just a couple of minutes before they are due to leave. Yes - even planes. Nobody has ever been able to explain to me what "gate closes at" means.

Whoops sorry - got carried away there.

On reading this thread I suppose timing, whether it is being too early or too late, is really about thinking.
Thinking about how much time anything really takes.
Thinking about allowing a bit of extra time to allow for mishaps, parking, traffic holdups.
Thinking about keeping others waiting.
Thinking about your hosts trying to get everything done before your arrival.
Thinking about the organisers of events who are trying to coordinate many people and timetables and not making it more difficult for them.
Thinking about the knock on effects to other people of being late or being early.

Thinking caps to the fore!

I like annifrance too. I would not call lateness the height of rudeness I can think of much worse ways to disrespect another person.

After spending a lifetime of being ruled by the clock it is a relief to relax and not worry too much about time. If I am a little late or someone else keeps me waiting, so what, I can catch up on texts, read the newspaper or just people watch. Generally when meeting friends we add an "ish" to the allotted time to give each other a little flexibility.

However I am always on time for such people as doctors and dentists.

No one minds waiting, occasionally, for someone who is running late.

It's the habitual lateness, and usually a considerable time (not just 10) minutes which is impolite. It's as if saying I can always be on time for appointments that matter, but other people will just have to wait

As syninymous says, get organised.

I agree with annifrance: those who arrive early are as, if not more culpable than us late-ers!

Many is the time I have been (running slightly late, of course!!) in the kitchen, trying to sort out a four-course dinner party for eight, hair still not done, pinny on, when the dratted doorbell rings and smiling guests stand beaming on the doorstep, thrusting out their gifts. At that moment in time, I want to strangle them - and their bonhomie, too. Especially the ones that KNOW I run late (I expect there is a local competition to see who can catch me out the best!).

I have also considered comments about late people being late to hog the limelight but this does not apply to me as I am the complete opposite. I would scuttle into a corner at a party and hide until I had recovered from the stress of actually leaving my house - more or less on time - (OK, less) and being somewhere else, all dressed up and ready to party. Or not.

My family now give two times to meet up and mine is the earlier one..... Still, this does work for everyone.

Please don't be too hard on us late-er: there are worse traits.

I suffer from being late too. I am over busy because my other half is ill. This leads me to rush around then lose my keys, phone etc at the last minute. Habitually late people are not trying to be rude, they just have less time or judge time badly through being too busy. Just always tell them to a time which is 30 minutes earlier and most times this will work. Other things which make people late is you choosing a meeting place and time where you can easily get to but they have to run the gauntlet of driving through many sets of traffic lights/rush hour traffic etc.
So habitually late people often have their time banditted by others around them. Their time is often taken advantage of by close needy family. It is hard to judge time when you are always rushing around like a crazy thing.
Setting the meeting time early helps. Also make sure it is you that has to drive through the traffic jams not them.
Remember if you are always on time then you have time on your hands because some one else is probably doing your work for you. Or you are not doing much with your life. The army know that soldiers who are late are the busiest and the best.

No you don't 'suffer' from being late Snowy - it's not a medical condition. Why should people have to tell you 20 minutes early? Perhaps you think it's up to others to 'allow' you time but for heavens sake you are a adult.

All I'm hearing is excuses, not reasons. And a load of bullshit balderdash.

'The army knows that soldiers who are late are the busiest and the best'

Cobblers!