Lateness height of rudeness

There's no excuse for being late in my opinion. Most people have mobile phones these days. A text or a quick call doesn't hurt if you are running late.

I'm punctual and can't understand why others find it impossible. Luckily most of my family and friends are the same so I don't have much to worry about. I sometimes think it would be nice to be more relaxed and casual about arrangements but it's just not in me. I'm ready waiting ages before I need to be. Always.

I once read that habitually late people are attention seekers, it's the " look at me" types who want to make an entrance
That figures, suzied!!
Never thought of that one, but it does fit

I couldn't take the stress if it happened all the time, would mention it and say you hate waiting at places on your own, if it continued I would fade out of the picture. If she values the friendship she would make the effort. Once going to the airport, three of us sitting in a taxi waiting for a friend who was always late, the driver said sorry but I will gave to charge you waiting time. When the late friend swept into the taxi one of the group told her she would have to pay the extra, she sulked most of the morning. It didn't happen again.

Excellent way of dealing with an habitual latecomer, luckylegs. A knock it on the head approach, so to speak. People with bad habits won't change the bad habits unless the habits inconvenience them as well as other people.

I'm always way too early. But friends know this and they come early too. In fact I met an old school friend yesterday and for once I was only 10 minutes early. She greeted me with " oh I wondered where you were". I once arranged to meet 15 year old DD and left after 15 minutes of waiting. I then felt really mean, but we were in the same town and I knew she was just looking around. She did learn a lesson though.

I 'm an ' on time person in general. DH always wants to be early, which can be almost as annoying.
I don't know what others think but when I invite someone to our home and say come between 7 and half past I would expect them around 7.10 - 7-20 . They would not be late until after 7.30. DH would still expect them at 7. The same would be true if we were visiting, he'd have to be there at 7.

Susied it is true.

My hubby has been late ever since I met him. At first I was offended but I soon learned to be flexible with the time he arrived. Now if he says we'll do something at 6pm I'll be ready to go any time from 6pm onwards. My daughter has inherited his lateness. It doesn't matter a fig to me!

One of my pet peeves, people who are always late. There are times when it can't be helped so that's what a mobile phone is for, then I'm not cross. I'm prepared to wait. However, I wait tops, thirty minutes, then I'm off. So rude to think you're so important time keeping doesn't matter. It's not a cute affectation it's bloody rude.

I do sympathise with your frustration at waiting around. I have a lovely DD who is always late and seems completely unaware of the problems this causes for others. I have watched her in action as she dawdles and daydreams while the time ticks by. There is no hurrying the now middle aged girl. Something else seems to grab her attention. I wish I understood her mindset as the children are late for school, doctors appointments are missed etc. However if her friends come late to her celebrations she always complains!!!

I agree people being late can be frustrating but I always use the time to catch up with messages etc when out or little odd jobs when indoors. What is the point in getting worked up and possibly losing a good friend, just not worth it. If it is a dinner party I always have drinks and canapés for people to mingle before food is served and then it really doesn't matter, in fact I find it easier if it is staggered! I find it far more disturbing if people arrive too early and I am not ready

I have been having my brother and his wife (they don't have children) nearly 16 years for Christmas dinner, and they are always at least half an hour late. Last year I didn't invite them, and guess what they turned up Boxing Day just as I was dishing up Boxing Day dinner for my son, daughter in law and two grandchildren, uninvited. Really makes me cross. I am going to drop heavy hints this year, that it would be nice to have Christmas dinner made for me.

Luckylegs 9
Similar situation,my always late friend kept a whole coachload of people waiting as we were on our way to the airport. Her husband was totally unconcerned, she eventually turned up wearing big Sun hat and smile! No apology- we pretended we didn't know her!

I share your pain, Loopylou. DH late 9 times out of 10. After 50 years have only managed to cause slight improvement, but he has many very good traits.

I have read all your comments and have a lot of sympathy. It is very rude to keep people waiting. I am sure there are little emergencies that we all have from time to time, forgiven. But on the whole if a person that we love and cherish as a friend is always late (tardy) it really is not fair on the rest of us. We all have lives and commitments everywhere. I had a lovely friend, and I mean a lovely friend who has a good heart. She was always late when our group when out for dinner or lunch. She knew that the time to meet for dinner was for instance say 7.30pm. As a group we had suffered her lateness countless times before. So this particular night, I went out on a limb, and after we had waited 35 minutes for her arrival, I said the rest of the guests male and female that we should just order. So,. to cut a long story short we all placed out orders for meals and drinks. We told the waitress that we had another couple coming but they were late. We all sat there and chatted a bit when they finally arrived about 60 minutes late. We all pleasantly said our hello's. They sat down and then our meals arrived. The meals looked fantastic. So, we had nothing we could do accept eat our meals. The couple were flustered, got up and order their meals. We all ate our meals when this couple just had a drink or two. We all had a lot of fun talking etc. Then the late couples meals finally arrived and we were onto our sweets. We all kept cool. They were very flusterd indeed. We enjoyed our sweets and just talked between everyone. They were embarrassed that they were dragging the evening by being on the one course. Anyway, we waited for them to finish, we all said goodbye, finished up the bill. They apologized that they were late, but, guess what, it has never happened again. She is a great lady and I love her very much, but it is very rude to other people to swan in so late. Problem solved. Nothing since.

I have to say I have never had anyone be an hour or so late. They usually text or call if it was going to be as late as that. I have been late myself but would text/call let the person know.

I think the best thing is meet them and set the time earlier, so that if they are late it's not drastic.

With OH when we plan to go the 50miles to see DD and DGCs I set a time and I stick to it firmly. I warn him the night before and suggests he gets whatever he wants to take ready the night before. However next morning
I often find him faffing about doing something else instead of getting ready.

If I just go without him at the time I stated and leave him behind he gets the message for a couple of months but that message needs reinforcing every so often.
We usually go on Monday or Tuesday when DGS is not at nursery but on those days we both have to get back home for about seven pm. The journey usually takes 1hr 40mins so we need to start early or half the day is gone before we get there.

One Christmas we invited all the neighbours and some friends in for drinks on Boxing Day - come at 11.30ish!
One family who had moved (not too far away) turned up at 2pm when everyone else was wandering home and they stayed until about 9 o'clock at night.

So many inconsiderate tardy people out there it seems from reading all these posts.

Tardy, that's a good word.
Must remember that when DD is late again.
Alliteration with her name as well

Love it, I keep saying it, thanks Anya

I've know this female friend for 33 years, and never known her to be on time, or turn up early! Because of this, our once close friendship is no more, although we meet a few times a year to exchange news, gifts, and if she's late I tolerate it.

She would take exception to being challenged over her lateness, making all sorts of excuses. After reading a published article on lateness, whereby the author (a practising counsellor) stated, those who repeatedly left one waiting did not value your time and it was height of rudeness, which deep down I'd always thought was the truth. It also left me thinking, that although I'd always valued our friendship I began to doubt whether mine was as important to her, my conclusion, it was not.

I began over a few years to feel resentment towards her, making excuses not to meet, and I found this was cathartic, I'd proved I could get by 'without' this once influential person in my world!

Tomorrow we meet to exchange Christmas presents and news over coffee, I will be punctual....she may surprise me and be on time...but one doesn't change the bad habits of a lifetime! But I am cured of the hurt and lack of esteem her lateness had on my life!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all you punctual people, and for the rest, hope your 2016 resolution is, not to keep your friends waiting, those lost minutes soon add up, and lost time with friends....you will never get back again!

My husband was always late - I used to say we had to be at ** by at least 30 minutes before we actually did to have any chance of arriving there on time. Sadly my daughter has taken after him, she, like Alf, thinks she can drive a 20 minute journey in 5 minutes. Drives me to distraction! I just get told to stop moaning, but I really do hate being late, I think it is very rude to turn up late. Relatives and friends know what she is like and they always say 'see you at some stage' - we even arrived late to a funeral which my sister in law still reminds me about even though it was several years ago now. They seem to be under the impression that I can do something about her tardiness - wish I could!

My DD also has habitual lateness problem, so much so that we have to add a couple of hours to the time we are really meeting! He's missed flights, trains, important appointments, but is completely unfazed. The trouble is he now knows we lie about the time, so is even later! I cannot be late to save my life, and would rather not go than turn up late. Talk about complete opposites. It is a standing (but infuriating) joke amongst all his friends and colleagues, but after 40'years he won't change.

Mind you if he has to wait more than 2 minutes for someone, he is so intolerant!