Gransnet forums

Chat

Lateness height of rudeness

(107 Posts)
TinyTwo Fri 11-Dec-15 10:37:25

I am sitting here in a coffeeshop waiting for my friend who is already 20mins late! And it's not a one off. I've tried to make myself arrive late when I meet up with her but I just can't do it. She doesn't mean to be late - I just think she underestimates (always!) how long it takes to get ready/travel anywhere.
sigh... It used to be just 5 mins, then 10 but most recently it's creeping up to be later and later. She's lovely otherwise so I feel a bit crotchety moaning...

Lona Fri 11-Dec-15 10:44:27

Don't moan, just leave!

Anniebach Fri 11-Dec-15 11:23:08

She is a friend,tell her how snnoying it is , or text her as soon as you arrive at your meeting place and say - I am here, where are you ?

rosequartz Fri 11-Dec-15 11:32:43

Oh, I do sympathise!
I lived with it for years with one of my DDs who takes after my MIL.
So exasperating!!
But they are usually the most delightful people otherwise.
Your friend probably thinks that the time to leave her house is the time she is supposed to meet you. tchgrin

rosequartz Fri 11-Dec-15 11:34:33

Sorry, the other way round, isn't it

I mean, she looks at her watch and thinks, 'Oh, I'm meeting TinyTwo now, time to set off'!

Indinana Fri 11-Dec-15 11:43:23

Always agree a time with her that is half an hour before the time you intend to arrive. In the unlikely event that she arrives before you, just say '1.00? I could have sworn we arranged to meet at 1.30' wink

Luckygirl Fri 11-Dec-15 11:54:43

Good plan! - or just be late yourself!

soontobe Fri 11-Dec-15 12:16:31

She may not mean to be late, but she does not mean to be early, as her time is more important than yours.

Riverwalk Fri 11-Dec-15 12:35:39

I'm a stickler for punctuality - habitual lateness is the height of rudeness IMO.

If your friend had a job interview or was meeting The Queen I bet she wouldn't be late.

In our group of friends we had one who was always late (impeccably good-mannered and kind in all other respects). After one too many times hanging around we set off without her and she had great problems eventually meeting-up with us - she's never been late since!

Teetime Fri 11-Dec-15 12:38:01

If someone is late for any kind of meeting with me without apologising first perhaps by text I usually say 'its fine don't worry but I will still have to leave at so and so. I will not let someone else waste my time for me.

loopylou Fri 11-Dec-15 12:48:37

My DH is always late, and it makes me angry angry angry
It's the height of bad manners in my opinion and he's so bad everyone who knows him gives him a time upto an hour early.
I think it's very disrespectful and pretty much saying 'My time's much more important than yours'
I've told him that the only time in his life he'll be punctual is at his funeral tchsmile

grandMattie Fri 11-Dec-15 12:49:00

but why should her time be more precious than yours? Don't think that is a good enough excuse. I would go home after 30 minutes; or go shopping and pop round to the cafe some time later...
I'm used to lateness, it runs in my mother's family, DH and I are punctual to a fault, arriving early ...
The French have a proverb I was brought up with "Punctuality is the King's perogative" and I think it goes for everyone; whether dentist, friend of delivery man - if not, it should come with a vild excuse.

grandMattie Fri 11-Dec-15 12:55:14

oR not "of" delivery... (tchblush)

grandMattie Fri 11-Dec-15 12:55:39

rubbish with those emoticons, aren't I?

Candelle Fri 11-Dec-15 13:08:28

I'm probably related to Tiny Two's friend...... I really struggle with punctuality.

It is not that my time is more important than anyone else although I understand that this is how it may appear to others, just that although well organised in many matters, I seem to misjudge traffic/mislay keys/specs or other bits and pieces and run late.

I made a huge effort recently as I was beginning to annoy even myself and have improved. In the past, I was not late for work or meetings, appointments etc., so proved to myself that I was not a lost case - if I could manage for these appointments, I could manage for my family too (for it is with those that I am my most hapless).

As a 'later-er' I would mention your disquiet to your friend. Tell her that you are lonely sitting waiting for her and that you would be much happier if she could try a little harder to be on time.

Alternatively, do as my family have done in the past, and suggest a meeting time fifteen (or more) minutes before you intend to arrive. If she should be early, it would give her a taste of what sitting alone feels like!

Indinana Fri 11-Dec-15 13:10:03

One of my daughter's friends, an habitual late arriver, turned up for DD's baby shower two hours late, just as everyone was leaving shock. She apologised, with some convoluted story about her children holding her up, and then proceeded to sit down and look at the menu angry By this time it was only my DD and me still sitting there. Awkward for me to call the shots. My DD put up with it for 20 minutes and then said, 'sorry, but we have to go now'. So she was left on her own with her lunch.
Sorry, but it's just rude, plain and simple. We all have clocks, we all have mobile phones. She could have called or texted and said she wouldn't be able to get there until such and such a time, and would we still be there then?. My DD could have said, no we'll have left by then, don't worry.

Greyduster Fri 11-Dec-15 13:21:09

We have been very good friends with a couple for years - she is an absolute joy, but she is incapable of being on time for anything. We overlook it because we love her to bits, but it is extremely irritating. I can't remember the last time i was late for anything.

Marmight Fri 11-Dec-15 13:42:55

I always manage to arrive on the dot, however hard I try not to. I have a good friend who is always, always late - very late; we ran a business together with another friend for 7 years and she nearly drove us to drink. Her worst transgression, which I have never forgiven her for, was when I organised a big dinner party for DH's 60th birthday which involved travelling by minibuses to a restaurant some 30 miles away. She was 40 minutes late, despite being told the bus would leave 30 minutes before it actually would, and we arrived at the restaurant so late that the plans to mingle and have drinks and canapes before the meal had to be abandoned. With hindsight, we should just have left without her and her husband ... angry
I would nip this thing in the bud TT and make it clear how infuriating it is; alternatively, start to arrive late yourself to make the point..

Nelliemoser Fri 11-Dec-15 13:46:28

This is my OH.

thatbags Fri 11-Dec-15 13:56:30

I hate it too. Probably everyone does, even habitually late people, when someone does it to them.

Anya Fri 11-Dec-15 14:33:49

Can't stand lateness, it's just rude. We had acquaintances once, who we invited every now and then to dinner at our house, or they would invite us to theirs.

If we arrived at their house on time, nothing was ever on the go, and they'd spend ages pottering around and by the time the first course was on the table it was 10 o'clock and I'd lost my will to live appetite.

If they were coming to our house for example dinner at 7.00pm I'd time it to be 7.30 just in case, then at 8.00 they'd ring/text to say they were running late and would be there in 30 minutes which usually ended up being an hour at least.

Needless to say we stopped inviting them and accepting their invitations, it was just too stressful.

LullyDully Fri 11-Dec-15 15:14:28

People come in three types. The too early , the bang on timers, by the skin of their teeth and the too late. . I am always too early, DH has to be just in time and it drives me mad.

Charleygirl Fri 11-Dec-15 17:29:28

I am in your camp and that way I am not stressed out. It must be a problem waiting for somebody who is habitually late but I am lucky, my friends are usually on time.

suzied Fri 11-Dec-15 17:37:51

I once read that habitually late people are attention seekers, it's the " look at me" types who want to make an entrance.

annodomini Fri 11-Dec-15 17:45:28

I was brought up to be punctual but my ex was (probably still is) habitually un-punctual and that really drove me up the wall. I got so fed up waiting for him on street corners when we were doing the Saturday shopping. If only we'd had mobile phones in those days. Unfortunately DS2 , though not as bad, takes after his father. tchsad