Am confused.

Sorry I've not answered any posts for a couple of days-been off to the Highlands visiting the small dgs's. I've returned happier but exhausted with a faint aroma of baby sick following me-littlest dgs (7m) is teething!
Thank you all for such encouraging and understanding posts, I must say I'm surprised to find others feeling the same. I thought it was just me being inadequate/not trying hard enough. There is definitely a disconnect between the reality of being 65 and what I think I'm capable of, but many of my friends and family seem to do more on a physical level than I do. My sister in law (same age) is just back from a 6 week recce trip to Greenland in preparation for a 3 month solo trip to its northern shores next year. She climbed Kilimanjaro for her 60th. A friend has just been on a mega mile cycling holiday while another (age 67) attends 4/5 exercise classes a week including kettle bells and FBX. I feel I have to maintain all my activities (albeit not physical ones) in order not to feel old compared to them. My various committees/projects also give me an identity in my community but I'm now questioning whether it's all just getting a bit too much. No, I take that back, they are getting to be too much. Plus I don't feel needed so much as taken advantage of in some instances. Oh I don't like getting older.

You have identified some of the problem yourself Katek!

1. You are trying to compare yourself to others your age, rather than thinking of what you want to do

And

2. You are feeling like you are being taken advantage of rather than being needed!

Surely these years we have now are for doing what we WANT to do after all this time!

Although I do recognise that for some GNetters on here, they don't have any choice as they are main carers.

Remember, you have now got nothing to prove.....to yourself or anyone else.

Have a few from me.

I'd say definitely ditch the commitments where you feel taken advantage of, katek.

Then maybe start some more physical activity that you will enjoy; moving about, even just walking, can improve your health and feeling of well-being.

All those super-active people you know sound scary . There's no need to feel you have to match up to them. Just do what suits you.

Hope you had a lovely time with your family Katek. Did you feel you wanted to stay and be close to them or did you feel that you had a nice time catching up but glad to get back home?

I do have times when I feel really down and I do find that a day spent "Vegging"-just curled up with books, laptop, telly etc and a few nice treats does seem to make me feel better. I'm not sure if it is the rest or the self-indulgence but I feel more ready to face the world. I think we were taught as children just to get on with things and not to think about ourselves and maybe sometimes we need to do something a little bit selfish to recharge.

As to your identity in the community - I would have thought that that was well and truly established.

As to not feeling old compared to your friends/family same age - I think you have just been unlucky in that regard!
At the end of the day it is not worth comparing yourself to other people much. We are all different.
And you are hardly taking it very easy yourself!

Some lovely posts on this thread. I hope they have helped you, katek, possibly with a bit of decision-making for the near future? Please don't compare yourself to others. You are you and they are them

I have loved reading these posts and can identify with many of the things expressed. jings has it spot on about the reduction in energy levels. The spirit may be willing but the flesh is definitely weaker as the years go by. I find doing big family catering events exhausting these days but whilst the younger family members all love attending them, they are not so keen on putting them on. They are much more inclined to go out to eat en famille than we ever were.

When it comes to community activities there are those who do the work and those who just attend and it was always thus. I have tried both and always end up as a "doer" but really, I find that satisfying and besides I am a nosey so-and-so and like to know what's going on!

My late sister always used to say "it's better to wear out than rust out" and I think I agree with that.

I wonder if the "spoons theory" could help people make the best of their energy. It was a way a very chronically ill women described how her illness affected her to a friend who had said she really wanted to understand what it was like. I have a very mild, chronic illness which means I do not always have a huge (enough! ) amount of energy and found the explanation not one I would use to help my friends but which would actually help me.

What she described was that she started the day with spoons full of energy. She had to plan - this was the vital bit - so she would use a spoonful of energy to get out of bed, one to get dressed, one to do a particular task. What she knew was that if she ran out of energy she would have to sleep to replenish it and have more "spoons".

I am not in anyway in this position but I do know now I have to plan to use my "spoons" of energy (I have many more that the poor lady who described this to her friend) so that I can do the things I need to do and the things I want to do. I also know that if I have run out of energy a sleep is not the end of the world.

I don't know if this helps but it has certainly helped me. I now prioritise and realise that some of the things I need to do I really do need to do but some of them I only think are a necessity. It is also, I have realised, very important not to just get bogged down with "needs" - especially other peoples - and do things I want to do too.

The days of having to go back to bed at 11 a.m. as all energy is gone are long gone, mainly because I keep taking the tablets! But what is down to me is how I use the energy I have - however much it is.

Some very wise words on this thread and I do intend to take cognisance of them. It's just I find exceedingly hard to relinquish things I have done for years without feeling both inadequate and selfish. The dynamic of my life will change and that's also a bit scary. I'm not sure what to do if I'm not 'achieving'.

It's perhaps unfortunate that I have so many super fit/active people in my circle - it makes me feel as though this is the norm - but taking up triathlons at 60 and doing open water swimming in the sea off East Lothian (as my sister in law did) isn't actually that normal!

I agree with all these posts, which are very reassuring. I have friends five years older than me who are much more energetic than I am these days. My mum was bounding with energy until she was in her eighties, but I'm not, because I'm not her!
I've accepted that I can't do everything I used to do, and I'm quite happy now to just do what I can.
I do think that when we have always been "doers" and "copers", we find it hard to stop.

Inadequate and selfish?? Definitely not.
What advice would you give to a friend in the same situation? I'm guessing you'd tell her she's achieved a huge amount over the years and its time to take a break from at least some of her responsibilities.