Guess the amount on the cheque

One final tale of unfair treatment with money.
MIL was in hospital for the last 3 weeks of her life. She complained that she needed a pedicure - which I am hopeless at doing so I declined to help. Surprisingly DIL2 (my SIL) went in one morning and attended to MIL's feet. I visited after lunch carrying clean laundry to find MIL very upset and angry as she had no money to buy a paper off the trolley at lunchtime.
DIL2 (my SIL) had complained at paying £2.50 to park the car for 2 hours so MIL had opened her purse and given her a £10 note (she had no change). Only when the sweets/papers trolley came round did MIL realise she could not buy her Daily Snail and she would not read anyone else's newspaper.
I received the angry blast.
I went to the hospital shop and bought her a paper, topped up her TV/Phone machine, checked her flowers and put the clean washing away. I think I then wondered exactly why I was there - my DH had gone to London on business for the day so I was representing him. I had driven 20 miles to the hospital when I could have just stayed at home, just like my SIL who lived 1 mile from the hospital and visited with her DH and DC once a week. I had never been paid a penny for all my efforts.
Since then I have felt resentful at the time I gave up looking after MIL during the last 6 months of her life and very bitter at how little time my SIL gave.

Thanks for your comments and support - you have helped me to get a load off my mind.

I certainly couldn't have sat back and said nothing, I'd have asked her very publicly (but not with the children present) why she had done such a thing.

I both couldn't and wouldn't!
Anyone who tried that tenner and fiver trick with my children would have been out on their fat behinds.

If people are troubled/nasty/malicious then becoming a grandparent or even a parent is unlikely to change their nature. I think all of you who have told us your histories of unfair treatment and sheer nastiness are to be applauded for rising above it and being the better person in it. I couldnt have done it.

Both DH and BIL went to a private grammar school. Having passed his O levels DH was told by his DF that he could not afford to pay for him to go to university so DH worked hard and got a generous sponsorship from a well known company. This sponsorship paid everything, fees, accommodation and a salary to DH for 5 years. So DH has stood on his own two feet for a long time.

A few years later we learned of a scheme where a grandparent could pay the private school fees and the grandchild could claim back the income tax from the Inland Revenue. Naively we asked MIL if she wold help us set up a covenant to do this, we would give her the money for the school fees and DDs would claim the tax back. No way I am not paying the school fees for you was the reply. We never asked again for any sort of help.

We were aware that BIL received some financial help from MIL but I don't think we really knew how much money was involved. We lent him some money for a couple of years and he paid it back. I remember the cheque bounced and had to be represented.

chocco Did you know she was giving her younger son so much more than to your DH? If so, why on earth didn't you tackle her about it? I couldn't have kept quiet for 20 years. If she'd reacted angrily you'd have been well rid of her.

I'm sorry you had a such a horrid mil, chocco

no, no she was as bright as a button when she did that fiver versus tenner 'trick' - in her 50s. Yes, incredibly hurtful and nasty.

Sorry, gj, but it sounds as if her mind had 'gone' for a good while if she could be deliberately mean to children.

I find it quite shocking to hear such stories. How can people be so ridiculously petty?

My mil used to do that constantly, to see the reaction. When our girls were about 9 and 7- she gave both an envelope to them on Christmas day, a fiver for the older one, and a tenner for the youngest- and sat back and watched. DD1 never batted an eyelid but asked me why at bedtime- good for her, and I gave her the other 5 + another for being older and not making a fuss. When she realised here mind was beginning to go, she asked all 5 grand-daughter's for lunch and gave them each a momento, and they were very obsiously of huge varying value- and very hurtful for the ones who got minor trivets, whilst others got expensive jewellery. ETc, etc.

I believe that MIL never got over the embarrassment of her first grandchild being born only 4 months after we got married. I will never forget some of the things she said. The sudden death of her grandchild a few months later did not change her attitude to us.

Her younger son was the favourite one - "He is so talented " - regardless of anything he did. Twenty years later when his partner had a baby nothing was said and they got married six months later.

I tried for years to just do the right thing and accept whatever was thrown at us. DH worked long hours Monday to Friday away from home and tried during his precious time at weekends to support his DM fixing things in her home etc.

MIL had cancer for the last 6 months of her life and it was DH and I who spent days with her, shopping, cleaning etc, taking her to the hospital for treatment etc. As my SIL said at the time "We are giving up our Sunday afternoons to visit her". I didn't point out that we were visiting five days a week.

Thank you for your comments, this has helped me to let go of the resentment I feel towards certain people

Is there a reason why?

The correct answer is £20 twice a year for 20 years totaling £800. MIL gave her younger son more in one cheque than she gave her elder son in 20 years.

The same thing happens with my DD's children.The first two have been given everything by GPs, holidays always paid for,a piano and lessons. A car at 18 and GD's wedding paid for, and whilst my GC get good c'mas and birthday checques, they have never had any extras and don't even get a tenner when going on holiday. My DD never complains but now they are ex inlaws she does wonder if they will be left any money of which there is plenty.

It's a guessing game, not an arithmetical problem.

£10 is my guess.

In any case it would seem that, with regard to cmas cheques, one son was favoured over the other but we don't know the reason. Perhaps she felt one needed the money and the other didn't. Perhaps she didn't like the older son or the older son's wife, or kids. Who knows? No-one unless someone who does know tells us.

I am sorry I did not phrase this better.
Annsixty has hit the nail on the head but I do not want to bore you with the background story.
Maggiemay is heading in the right direction.....less than £100.

I'm assuming there is indeed a story behind this, and am going to say £100.

annsixty, If I had written less, our posts would hve crossed.

If it is really an arithmetical problem, there isn't enough information to work out an answer - unless your sentence "The amount to each son never varied" means that the amount to each son was the same, in which case there is no problem - the elder son also received a cheque for £1000 every time.

"The amount on the cheques" (total) would be £1000 x the number of cheques.

If it really is just a guess, is there a story behind this?

£500?

Well I am not even going to try ,but I will deduce that you are married to the older son and it was for a lot less than £1000.