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Difficult in laws

(11 Posts)
Fallingstar Thu 22-Oct-26 18:56:46

My DD has some pretty tricky in laws, we don’t see them very often but when we do we just make polite conversation though they can be a bit OTT, they basically dislike each other and keep threatening to get divorced and will try to get us on one or the others side giving us too much information about each other. Our SiL says they have been like this for as long as he can remember. Is very sad. However, because they are always so unhappy my DD and SiL are constantly trying to please them, taking them out for slap up meals and to see a play in London etc., and because our GS cheers them up they get to see him much more than we do.
Now that my DH can’t drive because of a massive stroke and I don’t drive I am beginning to feel a bit nonplussed about how much effort they are making for the in laws whilst we don’t get to see them as much and are usually just asked to look after the GS for a few hours whilst they get on with something else, and we are rarely taken anywhere.
Now they are all going away for half term to Barcelona for the week. Ok I know my DH is disabled and needs me to care for him but with help I feel we could have gone with them. Or if not abroad we could have managed a couple of days away somewhere.
Am just getting so fed up with them running after the in laws that I feel I will say something but don’t want to cause any trouble. Or should I be doing just that??

Septimia Thu 22-Oct-26 19:02:43

Perhaps you could say that you'd love a couple of days away for a change of scene, but could do with some help/support to achieve it - a clear hint without actually asking or complaining.

Fallingstar Thu 22-Oct-26 19:07:26

Septimia

Perhaps you could say that you'd love a couple of days away for a change of scene, but could do with some help/support to achieve it - a clear hint without actually asking or complaining.

I have hinted without coming out with it directly. But it was never acted upon.
Tbh I’d settle for a run out to a nice little country pub somewhere for Sunday lunch.

HelterSkelter1 Thu 22-Oct-26 19:10:42

Thats sad for you Fallingstar. Is SIL hoping for a large inheritance.? I think you will have to let their panderings go over your head.
The ILS sound pretty horrid. A holiday with them in Barcelona could be hellish.
Could you suggest something for you and your DD, SIL and GS in this country? A weekend somewhere easy to get to and relaxing.

I am sure some GNs would come up with good suggestions.

I am going to investigate a break for my DD, SIl and me in early spring. Somewhere like pretty Rye.

welbeck Thu 22-Oct-26 19:12:58

Be careful.
The likely outcome of saying anything at all is even less contact.

Fallingstar Thu 22-Oct-26 19:30:46

welbeck

Be careful.
The likely outcome of saying anything at all is even less contact.

This is my fear. My DD is quite highly strung and under a lot of pressure at work, and my SiL is struggling at work atm. Also they did look after my DH sometimes whilst I visited our other DD in hospital when she had cancer of the thyroid. So perhaps they think they have done enough.
I just don’t think I can actually say something for fear it all blows up in my face.

Smileless2012 Thu 22-Oct-26 19:38:40

Don't say anything Fallingstar as it's unlikely to change anything in a positive way, instead suggest something you can do together. It doesn't have to be for a holiday, just a day out doing something you can all enjoy as a family.

Fallingstar Thu 22-Oct-26 19:47:44

I know you are right Smileless2012, but I can’t help feeling that the in laws are actually quite content to be catered to like this and so will carry on playing my DD and SiL like a fiddle. Of course I won’t say this to my DD but it does make me cross.

Delila Thu 22-Oct-26 19:48:48

You’d be happy with a Sunday pub lunch - could you suggest exactly that? They’d know your husband’s situation and that you’d possibly need help, but it’s not an unreasonable suggestion.

HelterSkelter1 Thu 22-Oct-26 19:58:36

I would be soooooo tempted to say to the ILS Shut up and get a ruddy divorce. But that's only because I am very short tempered since DHs death.
I don't think you should say anything to your DD and SIL. If they are both stressed they probably regard you and your house as a place of peace and quiet with no arguments going on.
However I would plan something to do with them.

Cossy Thu 22-Oct-26 22:16:45

I really really feel for you Fallingstar, sometimes just letting off a bit of steam and telling someone can help.

we are that someone!

I have no advice, because like others I’d be scared of making a poor situation worse.

I just pray things will improve for you, you have such a lot on your plate and I really hope you find some time for you.

Be kind to yourself thanks