Maternal vs Paternal Granny

My mother was bossy and difficult and my MIL was kinder and quite gentle - BUT it was always mum I wanted when my babies were born.

My own DIL's mother has passed away and she has to put up with me. She is very difficult and very tricky but I do sometimes feel sorry for her because I am the MIL and the paternal grandparent and can never replace her own mum.

ayse - your post doesn't sound at all goody goody, it sounds like a loving and sensible approach to family life.

I think they just take in what they have seen from birth. I always made sure that both sets of grandparents were involved and I saw my PIL without my DH and so they saw this as normal.
I find that worrying about who sees them the most as very odd. You make your own relationships once they can walk and talk.

When my ds was born, my mil said straight away, "don't ask me to babysit as I've done all that." We often invited her round but she was always too busy. But as soon as her own dd had a baby it was a different story, she even looked after that dgs while her dd went back to work.
I was very hurt, I wanted to involve her but it was her choice not to take a more active role. To be honest, she never liked me and it showed.

I am a paternal GP an whilst I was a bit jealous at first I remembered how I felt when I had my fist baby and I was always closer to my own mum. Like other GP we both think our shared DGD are the best. We get on really well and our DGC are loving to us both.