How to help my daughter with chemo

It's early days. She needs time to digest what's happening and might feel more like talking later on. Your daughter should be able to get advice and support from the Breast Care nurse. Perhaps she is already be doing that.

My daughter was quite well on chemo tablets; well enough to live a normal life as a single parent with two children.

She did have bad days, where she may be sick, or feel dizzy, or any number of "smallish" issues, but it didn't completely wipe her out.

Its such a variable thing, though from person to person, and depending on the medication.

Depends on the chemo .Our friend had terminal cancer and regular chemo sessions in hospital.He was fine after them,the only thing was he was always starving after them and would arrange to meet my husband at his favourite Italian restaurant before heading the 20 miles home
She may be the same ,she won’t know until the treatment starts.
Sending best wishes for a manageable treatment and the best outcome

Gransruleok I’m so sorry you are going through this, it’s very hard to have to stand by and watch your daughter going through this. It is early days and it will take time for her to process it. I had IV chemo so don’t know how the oral sort will affect her but apart from being tired I was fine. I was in my late 60s. I hope she will share her worries with the nurses and you might like to suggest that she look at the Maggie’s cancer charity website. I found them very supportive.

Your messages are very encouraging, thank you so much. My daughter does go to Maggies sometimes - she feels like the proverbial rabbit in the headlights at the moment. Hopefully it won’t be at awful as she thinks.

Sorry to hear your daughter is struggling. Has she had chemo in hospital too or is she just having tablets? I am not sure but I don’t think the tablets are as bad as the IV chemo so hopefully she will manage. Macmillan Cancer will support her if she needs them. They also do a massive range of booklets on every aspect of cancer which she could read in her own time.

My son recently finished 6 months chemo for pancreatic cancer. His experience will be different to your daughter’s. The first few sessions were not too bad but as they progressed they got more and more gruelling. He has been left with peripheral neuropathy which is very unpleasant and is a common side effect. He also lost about 4 stones in weight.

Hope things improve for her.

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's so worrying for parents who only want to do their best and must be feeling so desperate to help or alleviate the stress of it all for their loved ones. The OP is supporting her DD financially which must be a huge relief in itself. Maybe just being there is more of a comfort than these parents realise?
I hope your family members make a full and rapid recovery. With all good wishes.

Ive been taking chemo tablets for over a year now.
I hardly think about them any more.

Your body takes some weeks to adjust initially and then I suppose you settle into a new normal.

They haven't really stopped me doing anything. Just not as often and not for as long. For instance I do my allotment but only a couple if hours at a time. Or if I go out for the day I make sure not to have anything on for a couple of days after.

Of course I don't have to go to work so that will be more challenging for your daughter. And I haven’t had a major operation as she has. On the other hand Im much older so would expect to be more tired anyway.

Its very hard for relatives to support I think. Don't be upset if she is cross or snappy with you. Its not you!

From what you've written I do actually think she needs some emotional support or counselling from a professional. If theres none available in her treatment package, perhaps Macmillan or Sue Ryder could help. Or sometimes there are small local support organisations.
Or you support her by paying for some maybe?

I very much hope she feels better in herself and begins to enjoy life once more.

I just want to say sorry you and your daughter are going through this.
We are about to start, my daughter is going in to have a scoop and lift in a couple of weeks. (I think that’s what it is called) If her blood test for the BRCA2 gene comes back positive ( she had the test 3 weeks ago and it seems to take ages to get results) she will have further surgery but they seem to think that this initial procedure will, hopefully, be enough. She has the cancer in both breasts.
One difference between our daughters is attitude, thank goodness mine is being quite positive. The whole extended family is being updated. There are lots of us so she is getting masses of support.
It must be so hard to cope with both your daughter’s condition and her unhappiness. Is there any counselling available or support groups she could join?
Sorry I can’t help with any information about chemo as we have had no experience of that yet and we hope our daughter won’t need it but I hope your daughter and you cope with whatever comes.

I’m sorry you’re going through this with your daughter, gransruleok. It’s a horrible thing to see your child unwell. Both my Dh and my Ds have been through chemo in the recent past. Sadly my Dh’s condition was incurable and he is no longer here but I’ve witnessed a number of chemo sessions. My main impression was how well patients looked - it was completely contrary to my expectations. Over the months, two or three people had obviously lost their hair but apart from that, people seemed well, were going about their normal business and life continued for them.

I got the impression that the chemo used is now more tailored to the person and also that the side effects are controlled by preempting with appropriate medication eg anti-nausea meds are given before symptoms arise, because it’s better controlled that way. That’s not to say it’s side effect free, of course. My son had severe neuropathy and my Dh had tiredness etc but both managed to maintain their lives.

As my son said, try to fit the illness round your life, not your life around your illness. He continued working through his chemo treatment as well as raising a family etc. I hope your dd responds well to treatment. X

It must be very difficult watching your child bring ill regardless of their age. My friend has been battling breast cancer for a while. She has had all sorts of different treatments and with some she has been fine and others have left her feeling unwell for a couple of days. I think everyone is different how they react to different medication.

With regard to the hormone tablets; I take those, and the worst that they do is give me pimples, and horrible hot flushes.
Different brands can have different affects, though, as can the age of the person taking them, so lots of variables.
I think the affects are lessened if the person has already had a natural menopause, too.

Thank you again to all of you who have responded, and my thoughts are with those of you who are enduring a similar situation. My daughter said she couldn’t sit in hospital for hours with a chemo drip, and because of that, she has been told she will need the chemo tablets for 2 years, and hormone tablets for 5 years. She has oncology this week - 2 days after her birthday. No celebration this year. I need to think of a suitable gift..

gransruleok I presume that your daughter has been given a good prognosis? I hope so although she still has a long way to go.

Thinking of your daughter, you and everyone who’s going through similar 🌺

I was 51 and a divorced parent of three, aged 16, 19 and 21 when my (first) mammogram identified a tumour. The youngest was preparing to sit GCSEs in a few weeks, middle one had left college the previous year and was working in advance of starting an apprenticeship, had a motorcycle, the eldest was working full time and had a car. We lived in a rural location and also had dogs, cats and ponies to care for.

I had a mastectomy and immediate own-tissue reconstruction, so significant abdominal surgery, 10 days in hospital and six weeks of no driving, then 7 months of chemotherapy intravenously every three weeks, followed by three weeks of daily radiotherapy and five years of hormone therapy.

My ex-husband lived 20 miles away but stepped up to help with lifts, shopping or whatever. I stocked up with food for family and animals but the eldest was able to get shopping too. I was, and still am, proud and thankful that they kept the home running while I wasn’t able to.

I had nearly a year off work and I really did not want to talk about it face to face with anyone, but I found the anonymous forum on the Breast Cancer Care website invaluable for sharing everything from practical advice to emotional concerns. There are probably apps to access them now, this was before I had a smartphone.

I had very effective anti-sickness medication and didn’t really find chemotherapy too difficult, other than being incredibly tired. I was able to use the cold-cap and although my hair thinned I didn’t lose it.

There are some really great books that I found very helpful too.

It’s doable. It’s a club nobody wants to join but now I just see it as an experience that presented some unexpected challenges. I think I am lucky.

I wish your daughter the very best.

I meant to say, I was back at work when I started Tamoxifen and I did have a few hot flushes but nothing distressing. After two years as I was definitely post-menopause I switched to Arimidex for three years, which didn’t affect me at all.

My daughter lives abroad and I do think she is trying to protect her aging parents. She is 53. Her family are supportive but off to universities in different countries this month and I have undergone a TKR recently. All your replies to op have helped me. I’m very grateful to see this post. I feel it should be me not her. I’ve had my life.

Macmillan cancer support have a great range of booklets, that they will send you free of charge, plus drop in centres in some places which you/ your daughter can drop into. I would recommend getting some of the booklets as you can read them and then refer back as things crop up.
Also is the a Maggie's centre in your area they offer great support plus complimentary therapies for you daughter and courses for her to attend. I am sure her breast care nurse will point her in the right direction, but I would say to her if ever she needs something that you will be there for her.

Are there any local support groups for women with breast cancer? Or an on line support group she could join? It makes such a difference if you can talk to others in the same situation.