opting out from having a funeral.

I'm a non believer and am interested in the responses to this question. The only thing In favour of a funeral is it allows an outpouring of grief which I think is beneficial for their loved ones.

no I dont think it is reasonable I personally think its selfish...a funeral is a way for friends and relatives to say goodbye....you dont have to have a religious funeral you can have a non religious celebrant conducting the service...

How can you not have a funeral ? When you die, your body has to be disposed of in some way and your friends will mourn/celebrate regardless. Unless of course, you get some premonition of your death and can crawl under a remote hedge somewhere.

I wondered too GandTea

Some people just send the body to be cremated with no ceremony and have some sort of memorial later.

You can donate your body to medical research. GandT.

I once went to a funeral where, in accordance with the deceased's wishes. there was no music, no readings, nothing said about her life, no tribute of any kind.

It may have been what the deceased wanted, but the feeling I was left with was an emptiness and a sense that the person had not cared about anyone else, or thought that anyone cared about her.

A funeral can be a celebration of someone's life and a great comfort to those left behind.

My DH has left his body to medical science and stipulated that he does not want a funeral or any wake. My DD told him that it is not up to him about a wake but I would try to follow his wishes if he dies before me.

Mourning the passing of someone is surely not a one-off event at a funeral but goes on as long as anyone is left to remember that person.

when my friend died her funeral was brilliant, if you can say that about a funeral, but the ceremony was conducted by her sister in law who knew my friend very well, and it really was very emotional and I could understand how it helped people cope with their grief.

My mother's was much quieter and the person conducting the ceremony was recounting what he had been told by family and friends a very different feeling and not the same emotional release.

So interested in other people's ideas and experiences.

I agree with gaga's DD that it's not up to the dead person what happens after they're dead; it's up to the relatives who should do whatever they want to mark the end of the life of some they loved, or at least to whom they were related. If they don't do anything other than dispose of the body, that's up to them.

I've already told my daughters I don't give a damn what they do. They have already had some nice ideas, such as a cremation and them sprinkling some of my ashes on each of the world's continents. They can feed me to vultures if they want.

Whatever happens the materials and essence that make me will be recycled into new life somewhere of some kind. I'm fine with that. It's enough.

totally disagree with that- relatives should respect the requests made by the deceased person before their demise. Their life, their death, their choice.

I'd much prefer money being given to a charity of my choice then spent on an expensive funeral. More and more people here have a cremation with a small private ceremony for close relatives. Why is that 'selfish'?

Donating to med research is just another way to dispose of your body.
After your death, whatever your wishes, your friends will remember you in whatever way the think fit, with any luck, mine will raise a glass down at the pub on a Monday night as we normally do., and perhaps play a suitable song. I think they would be very poor friends to just ignore ones death, what ever your wishes for no fuss.

Of course- very different from having a full blown expensive funeral with pomp ad circumstance, and especially all the religious elements if the deceased is a non-believer.

If my family go against my wishes for there to be no conventional funeral on my death I have threatened to come back and haunt them!
I used to favour cremation without a service but nowadays woodland burials are becoming possible so that might be an option.
I simply hate the fake religious services, especially the standard summary of their life read out by someone who had never known them accompanied by psalms that few sing. Even worse ghastly playing of Danny Boy and the like.
When my husband passed away I personally conducted a service in the crematorium for just the immediate family then accompanied his body to the incinerator, only leaving when the coffin caught fire and the s/s door closed. Didn't seem odd to me, just deeply personal.
Now that I have been thinking about it again it doesn't really matter. I'll be gone. They can do what I would have wished or whatever they want. I won't know a thing about it. ?

I do have a friend who has become a total recluse for several years now. He was a good friend and we enjoyed many a happy hour together. BUT, his wife left him about 3 years ago and he will talk to no one. He will not answer the phone, or if you visit, the door. From those that saw him last, and that was 3 years ago, he was drinking himself to death. It wouldn't surprise me that he will die without anyone knowing until his body is found, not sure how.
However, I'm sure his old friends will still raise a glass to the memory of the great guy he used to be.

I would rather opt out from having a death.

Problem solved.

I like the fact that this thread, in Actives, is followed by the Waitrose ice cream one.

JBF, now why didn't I think of that, but I'm grumpy now, what would I be like in another 50/100/200 years

I read in the telegraph on Saturday that a son who finds funeral cost extortionate has decided to bury his titled mother in his back garden. He is currently digging a 4 foot hole, though not surprisingly, finding it hard work. It is not illegal to do this apparently though if you move house you don't have the right to visit the grave.
Certainly the ashes of my sil father are buried in the garden, but a body? A different thing but eAch to his own.

You can request your body goes to medical research, but its up to them if they will accept you

I don't care what happens to my body after I die, that will be up to my family. None of us are religious so they can decide what kind of funeral they would like.

I do think a funeral of some kind is an important step in accepting the death though.

There was a programme on a while back following two people who had terminal illnesses and who donated themselves to scientific research.

I would like to do this too (when the time comes). I would rather be of some use, I think.

I think I'd be embarrassed about being the centre of attention at a funeral --especially if no-one turned up--.

Rather ( very) upsetting to think of anyone I love being used for medical ressearch.
I always thought the legal side of garden burials ( for humans!) was that if you move house you must take the 'remains' with you.Of course, nobody may know anyway if there was a burial, but police need to know it was all done legally and that it was not foul play!
A service of some kind is needed, but agree that a total stranger conducting it seems wrong, especially if the deceased was totally non religious.
What about arranging a cremation, and then holding just a reception( if there are a lot of people) or a small gathering at home just to raise a glass to the person.
Nobody has to be at the crematoriam.Or do they need to be? would it feel wrong somehow?

I think family and friends will NEED to say goodbye to people they have loved, and a quiet ceremony of some sort helps with the grieving. No need for a wake, if you do not want one. Our funeral plans are all made, my only stipulation is that my ashes be scattered on the Sussex Downs preferably where I can 'SEE' the river running by! The other half says he will join me. Not sure who will be there first though. Sorry if that sounds flippant, it is not meant to be.

I think you're right PRINTMISS the question is what kind of service?