I am having a difficult time in general , so the thought of Christmas adds pressure at a time which is meant to be 'fun' as it is not a fun point of my life right now
Apparently studies showed that 45% of people actually dread Christmas
For various reasons eg relationship break ups , loneliness , bereavement , etc ... I don't want to go on with the list or it will depress me! lol
But I have had 3 bereavements this year including a baby Granddaughter who was meant to be born in August but died 3 weeks before her due date
My brother in law died suddenly in March leaving behind 4 children , he was 37 and my Mum in law died of shock 1 week later! So the extended family are finding it tough too
PLUS my younger DD turned to drink and had my GS taken away to a foster home so things are pretty DIRE for me at the moment but am trying to plug on through....
MY PLAN IS to keep myself cheerful somehow , concentrate on the positives eg I love Christmas Carols and find them more comforting and soothing than the upbeat ''You MUST be full of joy jingle songs''!!! So I will listen to Carols if I want the soothing Christmas music
I am going to my other MIL's on Christmas day so am GRATEFUL for that invite as it will be one day with pretty ''normal'' company at least and normal is GOOD right now
Will maybe try and pretty up the home a bit , not go wild as I don't FEEL wild about Christmas this year and don't even know where my GS will BE this year as in I might have to give him his present at a CONTACT CENTRE rather than at home but that might change even though my DD will be off at her friends houses with him most of the time which will get me WORRIED about alcohol and Christmas , her choice , but NOT my innocent GS's choice! :-/
So am hoping for a better year next year yet things are still uncertain BUT this has been the WORST year of my entire life , last Christmas was CR*P as well as DD had her alcoholic boyfriend round most of the time and he put a damper on EVERYTHING for me and it wasn't a good family Christmas at all!!!!!
We HAVE had previous years of some REALLY LOVELY Christmases which makes me even SADDER in a way because we HAD it before but now we haven't and the sadness has taken over this year even though I am STILL going to try and be positive and well as much as humanly possible! lol
I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO IS HAVING A HARD TIME / YEAR it is just that everyone seems to EXPECT people to be full of the joy of the Christmas season whereas I am not really looking forward to it this year , last year I WAS and it was cr*p so was disappointed so hope in some / many ways this year will actually be BETTER than I am expecting SOMEHOW x
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Nannynoo I am so very sorry to read of your losses. I think Christmas is the least of your worries, just getting through day to day must be difficult enough for you. I am glad that you do have family to spend Christmas Day with though. Take care. ((((hugs)))) 
nannynoo I read your eloquent posts and so admire your strength. When you write about how you miss your little GS I can feel the love and pain coming through. I had similar problems with my daughter 18 years ago she ran off with her drug dealing boyfriend taking my then very young grandson with her. I was bereft I don't know how I muddled through but I did. Your right the memories of happier Christmases did somehow make it harder. We had a difficult few years with her but never as bad as that one. It scorched my heart. Probably why when I read your posts I could weep
I wished I'd had gransnet to vent my feelings. I so hope next year will bring better news for you. I think most of us here can emphasis with your feelings. The one thing we have in common is the love we feel for our wonderful grandchildren and even the thought of loosing contact is beyond painful. You seem to have a plan in place for coping and I think that's what will help you and of course you can come here and yell and yell and pour out your pain. I wish it was a magic wand to wave it all better
Good morning Nanoo, sorry for all your sadness, I wish I could just pop round and make you a ice cup of tea and give you a big hug. I have troubles too but they pale into insignificance when I read your post. Stay strong and get singing those carols, singing is a very healing activity.
Keep posting on GN and you will get plenty of support and lots of comfort.
[hugs] 
nannynoo I'm sorry for your losses and your unhappiness at your dd and dgs's situation.
I've had my share of sadness and stressful family situations for the last three years and Christmas is always difficult for me, so I understand your dread.
I hope it passes peacefully for you.
Yes, I am one of the 45% who dread Christmas.
But after reading your post I realise that I am lucky, and I do wish things could soon get better for you.
Truly, all the best to you.
But it's your first Christmas in your own little house nannynoo . You've got to enjoy it. You owe it to yourself. Get some decs up on the first of December. Make it look really pretty - for you.
You could even make yourself a little Christmas cake and a Christmas pud. Have them on Boxing Day, or Christmas Eve. Find some church Xmas Fairs near you - they always get me in the mood.
If you try really hard to embrace Christmas, you could well find some good personal happiness.
And don't forget. You have got to find a nice little present for DGS to enjoy.
Go on! Give it a go. 
nannynoo I thought we had had an annus horribilis but yours sounds even worse. I'm so sorry.
I also dread Christmas and can't believe how quickly it comes round. Once every five years would suit me fine. (Bah, humbug)
It's even worse because they're veggie but he doesn't like salmon! Tiddler has a dairy intolerance and toddler is a very fussy eater (apart from Graggy's dairy free banana cake
nannynoo, I remember your posts when your grandson was first placed with foster carers but reading about your year, written in such a personal style, had me filling up on your behalf.
Christmas is such a tough time of year. We're inundated with adverts showing "happy families", who appear to have no financial pressures, conflict between family members, noisy messy dogs (see new2me thread) depression, anxiety, drug/alcohol abuse, bereavement and all the stuff that most posters here, and out there in real life, seem to be struggling with. I
often have to restrain myself from chucking a mince pie at the tv when the words along the bottom of the screen appear "if you're on your own, lonely, ring this number" Hah I think to myself, you patronising ** some people may be ok on their own, some will feel miserable, this advert won't help a bit.
Jingle's advice above feels warm and encouraging. I have a close friend who decided 20 years ago that she'd always spend Christmas Day alone. It helped her avoid being what she felt was the sympathy invitation, or worse in her mind, joining her own family. She has a special day, treats herself to eats and drinks she loves, listens to music, reads and if the fancy takes her, will watch tv. It seems to work well for her.
Have you met your grandson's foster carers? Many foster carers welcome grandparents into their homes, or meet them away from contact centres so they can go bowling, swimming, some kind of activity base for their meeting with their grandchild.
I feel for you nannynoo. What a horrid year you have had and I hope that the year ahead will be better for you and everyone you love. I have almost always approached Christmas with apprehension, starting at the age of 6 when I spent Christmas in hospital, isolated from my family. I know now how much this affected my parents too. There have been other awful Christmases (double bereavement 11 years ago) and New Years - my ex chose New Year's Day to tell me he was leaving. But that's water under the bridge. My family know how I feel about Christmas and protect me from my demons. I hope that family will be as important for all of you this Christmas.
Be kind to yourself nanny
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