Anyone else dreading Christmas?

Nannynoo I am so very sorry to read of your losses. I think Christmas is the least of your worries, just getting through day to day must be difficult enough for you. I am glad that you do have family to spend Christmas Day with though. Take care. ((((hugs))))

Thank you Faye xx

nannynoo I read your eloquent posts and so admire your strength. When you write about how you miss your little GS I can feel the love and pain coming through. I had similar problems with my daughter 18 years ago she ran off with her drug dealing boyfriend taking my then very young grandson with her. I was bereft I don't know how I muddled through but I did. Your right the memories of happier Christmases did somehow make it harder. We had a difficult few years with her but never as bad as that one. It scorched my heart. Probably why when I read your posts I could weep I wished I'd had gransnet to vent my feelings. I so hope next year will bring better news for you. I think most of us here can emphasis with your feelings. The one thing we have in common is the love we feel for our wonderful grandchildren and even the thought of loosing contact is beyond painful. You seem to have a plan in place for coping and I think that's what will help you and of course you can come here and yell and yell and pour out your pain. I wish it was a magic wand to wave it all better

Good morning Nanoo, sorry for all your sadness, I wish I could just pop round and make you a ice cup of tea and give you a big hug. I have troubles too but they pale into insignificance when I read your post. Stay strong and get singing those carols, singing is a very healing activity.
Keep posting on GN and you will get plenty of support and lots of comfort.
[hugs]

nannynoo I'm sorry for your losses and your unhappiness at your dd and dgs's situation.
I've had my share of sadness and stressful family situations for the last three years and Christmas is always difficult for me, so I understand your dread.
I hope it passes peacefully for you.

I'm sorry you've had such a bad year and I can understand how Christmas is going to be low on your agenda. I think it's a good idea that you've made plans to be at MIL's for Christmas Day. The change of routine is important.

Dear Nannynoo what a terrible year for you I'm so sorry you sound so dispiritied and unhappy. Christmas can be an awful time for some people made worse by people like me banging on about it as I really like it but for so many years my Mother tried to make it a misery as she didn't like it. I do hope Christmas Day and Boxing day go well for you and that you find some peace from all your troubles. Friends will be here for you I'm sure. I wish you the true spirit and meaning of Christmas.

Yes, I am one of the 45% who dread Christmas.
But after reading your post I realise that I am lucky, and I do wish things could soon get better for you.
Truly, all the best to you.

But it's your first Christmas in your own little house nannynoo . You've got to enjoy it. You owe it to yourself. Get some decs up on the first of December. Make it look really pretty - for you.

You could even make yourself a little Christmas cake and a Christmas pud. Have them on Boxing Day, or Christmas Eve. Find some church Xmas Fairs near you - they always get me in the mood.

If you try really hard to embrace Christmas, you could well find some good personal happiness.

And don't forget. You have got to find a nice little present for DGS to enjoy.

Go on! Give it a go.

nannynoo I thought we had had an annus horribilis but yours sounds even worse. I'm so sorry.

I also dread Christmas and can't believe how quickly it comes round. Once every five years would suit me fine. (Bah, humbug)

It's a funny time Christmas - that obligation to have a good time can feel very burdensome. I hope that you find it is much more enjoyable than you expect in spite of your very traumatic year. It's just a day like any other - don't let it be a pressure on you.

To be honest I don't like Christmas very much. I love it that the kids have a great time but I am not a party animal.
We have had three deaths in the last few weeks.

I'm another one. I wish I'd arranged to be on a cruise at xmas. I've no idea if either of my children will be visiting. I'm hoping that darling daughter will her fiancée and the the two DGC but I've no idea at the moment. If I ask I get 'we haven't thought about xmas yet' as I return from my cruise on Dec19 I would like some idea before I go! AIBU?

i agree, Galen, you may want to buy food now and freeze it because by the time you come home it will be too late to order anything and the shops will be pure hell.

Families rarely give a thought to the one who is doing the catering.

I used to love Christmas but not for many years because of personal circumstances.

It's even worse because they're veggie but he doesn't like salmon! Tiddler has a dairy intolerance and toddler is a very fussy eater (apart from Graggy's dairy free banana cake

nannynoo, I remember your posts when your grandson was first placed with foster carers but reading about your year, written in such a personal style, had me filling up on your behalf.

Christmas is such a tough time of year. We're inundated with adverts showing "happy families", who appear to have no financial pressures, conflict between family members, noisy messy dogs (see new2me thread) depression, anxiety, drug/alcohol abuse, bereavement and all the stuff that most posters here, and out there in real life, seem to be struggling with. I
often have to restrain myself from chucking a mince pie at the tv when the words along the bottom of the screen appear "if you're on your own, lonely, ring this number" Hah I think to myself, you patronising ** some people may be ok on their own, some will feel miserable, this advert won't help a bit.

Jingle's advice above feels warm and encouraging. I have a close friend who decided 20 years ago that she'd always spend Christmas Day alone. It helped her avoid being what she felt was the sympathy invitation, or worse in her mind, joining her own family. She has a special day, treats herself to eats and drinks she loves, listens to music, reads and if the fancy takes her, will watch tv. It seems to work well for her.

Have you met your grandson's foster carers? Many foster carers welcome grandparents into their homes, or meet them away from contact centres so they can go bowling, swimming, some kind of activity base for their meeting with their grandchild.

Some good replies on here.

I think that all familes have at least one christmas where it is just as well to let christmas pass on by without us.

You have many reasons to do this this year.

Be kind to yourself

Iam64 I do what your friend does, exactly what I want, eat and drink what and when I want. I normally have my version of Christmas dinner the day before because I am not fighting for a decent gas supply to cook the food.

I also keep an eye on a neighbour's house as they are away each year for at least a week or longer. I am not fussed if the TV is not brilliant, I love reading. Provided I have heat and light, I am fine.

A friend of mine who used to be in a similar position, painted her bathroom one Christmas day because she wanted to. She could not be bothered getting dressed, going out and as somebody said, feeling like the spare part at lunch.

Harrigran I am so sorry for your losses xxxxx

I am overwhelmed with the support on here!!! THANK YOU so much everyone!!!

I was thinking today I do actually LIKE Christmas - I always have and last year I WISH I planned a Christmas on my own , but after falling out with DD over her alcoholic boyfriend I came home and I had NO Christmas food in the house as it was all at hers!!!..

So I did put in a quick order for home delivery and managed to get one of the few Christmas puddings still in stock etc and although upset I knew where I would rather be ;-)

I think this year I will do the same - Build Christmas around my NEW HOME as Jingle suggested - I LOVE my new home , certain things don't change , especially love and I do love my own company most of the time , so am thinking to ''make it as special as possible'' under the circumstances and I do enjoy Christmas TV even though I moan about it every year! lol

The pain is still there but it will be more bearable if I do nice things for myself plus enjoy the Grandchildren which I still CAN thankfully , it has been a tough one , still is but it has made me realise I am not the only one who has troubles , I am not alone in it and 45% is nearly half of the population so it has opened my eyes to others as well

My sister is not well , she is in chronic pain very often , but she LOVES Christmas it really cheers her up as it is time for a bit of ''me time'' for her and pampering herself with lovely food etc and she makes the living room pretty and treats her cat! Her husband does join her but also does his own thing and leaves her to do her own thing which she doesn't mind! ;-)

I like the idea of some ''me time'' my younger DD will just want to be with her friends etc , that's fine and at least I get to see my older DD and SIL and 2 year old GD on Christmas day , it is so lovely to be invited and I have a Tesco voucher to spend for Christmas food and treats for the time around it - Might light some spice scented candles and simply CHILL xx

I feel for you nannynoo. What a horrid year you have had and I hope that the year ahead will be better for you and everyone you love. I have almost always approached Christmas with apprehension, starting at the age of 6 when I spent Christmas in hospital, isolated from my family. I know now how much this affected my parents too. There have been other awful Christmases (double bereavement 11 years ago) and New Years - my ex chose New Year's Day to tell me he was leaving. But that's water under the bridge. My family know how I feel about Christmas and protect me from my demons. I hope that family will be as important for all of you this Christmas.

Be kind to yourself nanny

I think many of us have had traumas at Christmas and we remember them all the more because we feel it should have been a happy day. When I was 6 my grandpa committed suicide on Christmas Eve - not something I would forget in a hurry.

Let us hope that everyone is able to celebrate (or not) according to their own tastes.

Nannynoo I wish you peace this Christmas and hope you get to spend time its your DGS. Even if things are very difficult for you at least your little one must know he is very much loved. Lots of children are not so lucky. I hope things get better for you soon.

Quite honestly, there is so much hype in the media about Christmas these days (like everything else that gets hyped up).

nannynoo I hope you manage to see your DS over the Christmas period and that you have an enjoyable day with your MIL. I do hope your bereaved DD will be OK at Christmas - it will be hard for you all.

Are there any choirs in your area - if so, have you thought of joining one, perhaps just to join in with the Christmas carols as you really enjoy them? I don't belong to one (have thought of it but I can't sing for toffee), but my one of my friends belongs to one and finds it very uplifting.