Anyone else dreading Christmas?

I do feel for you all who may have a hard time over the festive period.

I will probably be on my own, with my pets too. My son is at home but told me last year at 16 that all the presents I had bought him were c**p. So I have told him that I am not getting him anything this year, especially as he got me nothing except a card for my 50th birthday in the summer.

I made a New Year's resolution this last year, promising myself after keep getting upset and feeling down, that I would rid myself of all the negative relationships in my life. And I have, very much so. I went to see my mother, who has abused me for 40 years, and said goodbye to her. I have told my daughter she is welcome to my house only when she can explain why she has lied to me many times and tried to steal money from me. Even so, since my DGS was born 4 years ago, I haven't been invited to share Christmas with them or accepted my invite to share it with me at mine. My relationship with my sister is by text only at the moment as there is a question of trust.

This resolution went as far as friends/neighbours too though and I have moved house without telling neighbours where we have moved to and have dropped all contact due to feeling let down by certain people. I have sat in my late house feeling depressed and not one neighbour came to see if I was ok, even though at past Christmases I have took gifts of home made chocolates along with their cards. And in summer I have shared my home grown strawberries with neighbours. Not very nice to sit alone and get nothing back.

On a plus, I have also dumped smoking. The very essence of a negative relationship. And the best present I could have given myself. Once I have got over this chest infection anyway.

So I am in my new home, which I love, my son upstairs with his computer and me with my beautiful doggie and my budgies. Last year I bought myself presents and I will this year too. Anything which comes in the post will be wrapped up as it comes and then I don't know what it is, because I will have forgot a bit by then, lol. Plus I will buy the pets presents too. I will go and see my dad sometime but as he isn't that into Christmas himself, he wont mind if it isn't on the day itself. If it isn't then I will be good to myself and enjoy the Christmas quiz shows and soaps. I will have a laugh with the comedians on tele and toast the families I spend time with all year, on Corrie, 'Stenders and in the Dales.

I have joined a choir and we are performing in our Victoria Hall in town next month (scary as it's the first time). There is a buffet afterwards so this can be my outing. Over time I am hoping to build up new friends, one which will be loyal and be there during good and bad times. Things can and will turn around for many people and if this one isn't filled with the people we hoped it would, then love yourself and look after you, you only get the one.

Thank you everyone

I think the hardest thing for me is during the 4 months my GS has been away from us I thought it would get EASIER but it is getting harder by the day

I need things to change soon as I have reached the point I cannot take it any more

There is nothing I can do and I feel so helpless

To have my GS removed from me when both me and him have done nothing wrong HURTS SO MUCH

Most Grandparents including myself in the past just take it for granted their Grandchildren would always be ''there'' , mine always were and I decided when I wanted to see them or knew what the plans were for the next ''get together'' but it feels like my family has fallen apart and been shattered

I keep thinking I've done something wrong , but then realise I HAVEN'T

Nor has my GS but he is an innocent who is suffering too due to no fault of his own and there is nothing either of us can do about it

All I can do right now is pray that things will turn around for us soon and work in our favour as we have done nothing wrong in this and it is unjust and unfair

There is only so much pain we can take and I am at the limit of mine after 4 months of separation as it has been like torture for me , the pain hasn't ''gone away'' as I am only human , they took him and expected me to just accept it and get on with it which I HAVE but DEALING with it has been HARD - I do what I have to do around the house , it is almost ready and looking really lovely but I want to ENJOY my home with HIM IN IT

I ALWAYS called it my ''Granny Cottage'' as that was my dream , but PART of my dream has come true as in I got my cottage but WITHOUT my GS in his room

I pay £88 a month for an empty room

I purposely chose a 2 bedroom place so I could have him over to stay

It goes without saying but he is at NO risk of harm WHATSOEVER at my place , but still he can't be here , don't even ask me WHY - He would be safe from ALL HARM , happy and secure , which is all I want for him , to see him happy and secure here

I am waiting for him , my house is waiting for him but HE is missing! :-(

My heart can't take it any more!!