Thank you everyone
I think the hardest thing for me is during the 4 months my GS has been away from us I thought it would get EASIER but it is getting harder by the day
I need things to change soon as I have reached the point I cannot take it any more
There is nothing I can do and I feel so helpless
To have my GS removed from me when both me and him have done nothing wrong HURTS SO MUCH
Most Grandparents including myself in the past just take it for granted their Grandchildren would always be ''there'' , mine always were and I decided when I wanted to see them or knew what the plans were for the next ''get together'' but it feels like my family has fallen apart and been shattered
I keep thinking I've done something wrong , but then realise I HAVEN'T
Nor has my GS but he is an innocent who is suffering too due to no fault of his own and there is nothing either of us can do about it
All I can do right now is pray that things will turn around for us soon and work in our favour as we have done nothing wrong in this and it is unjust and unfair
There is only so much pain we can take and I am at the limit of mine after 4 months of separation as it has been like torture for me , the pain hasn't ''gone away'' as I am only human , they took him and expected me to just accept it and get on with it which I HAVE but DEALING with it has been HARD - I do what I have to do around the house , it is almost ready and looking really lovely but I want to ENJOY my home with HIM IN IT
I ALWAYS called it my ''Granny Cottage'' as that was my dream , but PART of my dream has come true as in I got my cottage but WITHOUT my GS in his room
I pay £88 a month for an empty room
I purposely chose a 2 bedroom place so I could have him over to stay
It goes without saying but he is at NO risk of harm WHATSOEVER at my place , but still he can't be here , don't even ask me WHY - He would be safe from ALL HARM , happy and secure , which is all I want for him , to see him happy and secure here
I am waiting for him , my house is waiting for him but HE is missing! :-(
My heart can't take it any more!! 
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I do feel for you all who may have a hard time over the festive period. 
I will probably be on my own, with my pets too. My son is at home but told me last year at 16 that all the presents I had bought him were c**p. So I have told him that I am not getting him anything this year, especially as he got me nothing except a card for my 50th birthday in the summer.
I made a New Year's resolution this last year, promising myself after keep getting upset and feeling down, that I would rid myself of all the negative relationships in my life. And I have, very much so. I went to see my mother, who has abused me for 40 years, and said goodbye to her. I have told my daughter she is welcome to my house only when she can explain why she has lied to me many times and tried to steal money from me. Even so, since my DGS was born 4 years ago, I haven't been invited to share Christmas with them or accepted my invite to share it with me at mine. My relationship with my sister is by text only at the moment as there is a question of trust.
This resolution went as far as friends/neighbours too though and I have moved house without telling neighbours where we have moved to and have dropped all contact due to feeling let down by certain people. I have sat in my late house feeling depressed and not one neighbour came to see if I was ok, even though at past Christmases I have took gifts of home made chocolates along with their cards. And in summer I have shared my home grown strawberries with neighbours. Not very nice to sit alone and get nothing back.
On a plus, I have also dumped smoking. The very essence of a negative relationship. And the best present I could have given myself. Once I have got over this chest infection anyway.
So I am in my new home, which I love, my son upstairs with his computer and me with my beautiful doggie and my budgies. Last year I bought myself presents and I will this year too. Anything which comes in the post will be wrapped up as it comes and then I don't know what it is, because I will have forgot a bit by then, lol. Plus I will buy the pets presents too. I will go and see my dad sometime but as he isn't that into Christmas himself, he wont mind if it isn't on the day itself. If it isn't then I will be good to myself and enjoy the Christmas quiz shows and soaps. I will have a laugh with the comedians on tele and toast the families I spend time with all year, on Corrie, 'Stenders and in the Dales.
I have joined a choir and we are performing in our Victoria Hall in town next month (scary as it's the first time). There is a buffet afterwards so this can be my outing. Over time I am hoping to build up new friends, one which will be loyal and be there during good and bad times. Things can and will turn around for many people and if this one isn't filled with the people we hoped it would, then love yourself and look after you, you only get the one. 
Be kind to yourself nanny
I feel for you nannynoo. What a horrid year you have had and I hope that the year ahead will be better for you and everyone you love. I have almost always approached Christmas with apprehension, starting at the age of 6 when I spent Christmas in hospital, isolated from my family. I know now how much this affected my parents too. There have been other awful Christmases (double bereavement 11 years ago) and New Years - my ex chose New Year's Day to tell me he was leaving. But that's water under the bridge. My family know how I feel about Christmas and protect me from my demons. I hope that family will be as important for all of you this Christmas.
nannynoo, I remember your posts when your grandson was first placed with foster carers but reading about your year, written in such a personal style, had me filling up on your behalf.
Christmas is such a tough time of year. We're inundated with adverts showing "happy families", who appear to have no financial pressures, conflict between family members, noisy messy dogs (see new2me thread) depression, anxiety, drug/alcohol abuse, bereavement and all the stuff that most posters here, and out there in real life, seem to be struggling with. I
often have to restrain myself from chucking a mince pie at the tv when the words along the bottom of the screen appear "if you're on your own, lonely, ring this number" Hah I think to myself, you patronising ** some people may be ok on their own, some will feel miserable, this advert won't help a bit.
Jingle's advice above feels warm and encouraging. I have a close friend who decided 20 years ago that she'd always spend Christmas Day alone. It helped her avoid being what she felt was the sympathy invitation, or worse in her mind, joining her own family. She has a special day, treats herself to eats and drinks she loves, listens to music, reads and if the fancy takes her, will watch tv. It seems to work well for her.
Have you met your grandson's foster carers? Many foster carers welcome grandparents into their homes, or meet them away from contact centres so they can go bowling, swimming, some kind of activity base for their meeting with their grandchild.
It's even worse because they're veggie but he doesn't like salmon! Tiddler has a dairy intolerance and toddler is a very fussy eater (apart from Graggy's dairy free banana cake
nannynoo I thought we had had an annus horribilis but yours sounds even worse. I'm so sorry.
I also dread Christmas and can't believe how quickly it comes round. Once every five years would suit me fine. (Bah, humbug)
But it's your first Christmas in your own little house nannynoo . You've got to enjoy it. You owe it to yourself. Get some decs up on the first of December. Make it look really pretty - for you.
You could even make yourself a little Christmas cake and a Christmas pud. Have them on Boxing Day, or Christmas Eve. Find some church Xmas Fairs near you - they always get me in the mood.
If you try really hard to embrace Christmas, you could well find some good personal happiness.
And don't forget. You have got to find a nice little present for DGS to enjoy.
Go on! Give it a go. 
Yes, I am one of the 45% who dread Christmas.
But after reading your post I realise that I am lucky, and I do wish things could soon get better for you.
Truly, all the best to you.
nannynoo I'm sorry for your losses and your unhappiness at your dd and dgs's situation.
I've had my share of sadness and stressful family situations for the last three years and Christmas is always difficult for me, so I understand your dread.
I hope it passes peacefully for you.
Good morning Nanoo, sorry for all your sadness, I wish I could just pop round and make you a ice cup of tea and give you a big hug. I have troubles too but they pale into insignificance when I read your post. Stay strong and get singing those carols, singing is a very healing activity.
Keep posting on GN and you will get plenty of support and lots of comfort.
[hugs] 
nannynoo I read your eloquent posts and so admire your strength. When you write about how you miss your little GS I can feel the love and pain coming through. I had similar problems with my daughter 18 years ago she ran off with her drug dealing boyfriend taking my then very young grandson with her. I was bereft I don't know how I muddled through but I did. Your right the memories of happier Christmases did somehow make it harder. We had a difficult few years with her but never as bad as that one. It scorched my heart. Probably why when I read your posts I could weep I wished I'd had gransnet to vent my feelings. I so hope next year will bring better news for you. I think most of us here can emphasis with your feelings. The one thing we have in common is the love we feel for our wonderful grandchildren and even the thought of loosing contact is beyond painful. You seem to have a plan in place for coping and I think that's what will help you and of course you can come here and yell and yell and pour out your pain. I wish it was a magic wand to wave it all better
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