Husband I think is looking for divorce after 50 years.

Welshmist has said she doesn't want a divorce, and has said her husband was physically abusive for the first 20 years of their marriage.
Presumably her husband has always been a short, agressive man.

So, if she does not want divorce, what advice can anyone give?
Divorce the miserable old prune, or don't.

That's that, really.

My heart goes out to this Gransnetter .
Her husband is a cruel vindictive bully who blames her for his inadequacies .
She can't face the reality of leaving him .

The only person who can fix this problem is her .

You need to speak to a solicitor ASAP.

I think she probably benefits from 'getting it off her chest ' on here.

But that is important too, is it not?

Now her, and people like her may not.

And this all assumes what Monica posts is correct.

MissAdventure

Welshmist has said she doesn't want a divorce, and has said her husband was physically abusive for the first 20 years of their marriage.
Presumably her husband has always been a short, agressive man.

So, if she does not want divorce, what advice can anyone give?
Divorce the miserable old prune, or don't.

That's that, really.

She can seperate.
She can seek solace, one would hope, on a forum.
She can make adjustments from advice given on a forum.

She may get more courage.
See new perspectives.
People can pray for her.

I wouldn’t be rushing for a divorce, unless you can afford a new start.
I’d be wishing him to die in his sleep tbh, if he is a nasty bully.
Then you can keep everything.
You might as well be grieving over his death, than a divorce.

MT62

I wouldn’t be rushing for a divorce, unless you can afford a new start.
I’d be wishing him to die in his sleep tbh, if he is a nasty bully.
Then you can keep everything.
You might as well be grieving over his death, than a divorce.

You aren’t going to change him at this late stage!

Aunt with dementia lived for many years after her diagnosis so OPs DH may not die in his sleep for many years.
I think a divorce is the better option.
I am hoping that OP is too busy printing off her necessary financial info and talking to a solicitor to come back to update.
Also I hope she talks to her AC. She has had lots of advice this time and, according to PP, good advice 10 years ago.

My aunt 72, husband left her after a petty argument was left to fester for years. I thought they had a strong, happy marriage.
Now divorced. Both now have to rent as the proceeds didn’t amount for them to buy another property.
She would get under the table & howl for hours to the heartbreak.
She said if he had died she would have coped better than going through horrendous divorce.
If the poster is ok money wise, can afford to start again, that’s all well & good, but not many people can afford to & end up stuck in a loveless, horrible marriage.

My first question to you would be in your life have you ever lived alone?
Because the fear of being alone is often behind peoples reluctance to make final decisions.
I would say stop waiting for him to make any decisions and start making plans for your own solo life of peace.
Most elderly rich men are very attractive to young women so let him find one! most elderly men are looking for a Nurse or a Purse, if he's wealthy then it will be the nurse option that will appeal to him as he ages.
I would actually advise young women to search for footage of Alf Garnett in Till death do us part on TV. That should put them off being with an aging Narc. It was a controversial comedy back in the 70's but on a deeper level it's a good insight into a very sad marital dynamic.

I've not read all the posts, so apologies in advance for any repetition here.

Your husband is the narcissist, not you. Believe me when I say I know all about narcissism, having experienced it with my ex-husband, to whom I was married for not quite 30 years and who, towards the end, was certainly not the man I thought I'd married. My advice would be to keep a note of all his behaviour towards you, no matter how trivial you might think it is - if it affects you, it's important. I know the divorce laws have changed since I filed for divorce in 2017 and that now there's 'no fault'. Sometimes we don't want to divorce, but our spouses give us no choice. You don't have to live with this man. You have the right to live your own life, free from his negativity and downright bullying and mind games. If he has access to your phone, change the password or make your phone accessible with your fingerprint only. Open an online bank account of your own. After such a long marriage you are entitled to 50% of everything, so decide how you want to live for the rest of your life: tied to this man who doesn't respect or care about you, or free. Starting again is difficult - I know this from my own experience - but it isn't impossible. My divorce came through in September 2017. Took me 9 months and £16K, but it was worth every penny. I got a 70% share and my ex got 30%. He married almost as soon as the ink on the decree absolute was dry. He divorced some 5 years later and is now engaged to prospective wife number 4. I was very content to live my life alone. I moved to a different county and, when I was least expecting it, I met the love of my life. We've been together about 19 months and are very happy. I have my house, he has his. We see each other often, but will never marry. Our relationship suits us, and that's all that matters. I'm 68 now, and life is great again.

Startingover61

I've not read all the posts, so apologies in advance for any repetition here.

Your husband is the narcissist, not you. Believe me when I say I know all about narcissism, having experienced it with my ex-husband, to whom I was married for not quite 30 years and who, towards the end, was certainly not the man I thought I'd married. My advice would be to keep a note of all his behaviour towards you, no matter how trivial you might think it is - if it affects you, it's important. I know the divorce laws have changed since I filed for divorce in 2017 and that now there's 'no fault'. Sometimes we don't want to divorce, but our spouses give us no choice. You don't have to live with this man. You have the right to live your own life, free from his negativity and downright bullying and mind games. If he has access to your phone, change the password or make your phone accessible with your fingerprint only. Open an online bank account of your own. After such a long marriage you are entitled to 50% of everything, so decide how you want to live for the rest of your life: tied to this man who doesn't respect or care about you, or free. Starting again is difficult - I know this from my own experience - but it isn't impossible. My divorce came through in September 2017. Took me 9 months and £16K, but it was worth every penny. I got a 70% share and my ex got 30%. He married almost as soon as the ink on the decree absolute was dry. He divorced some 5 years later and is now engaged to prospective wife number 4. I was very content to live my life alone. I moved to a different county and, when I was least expecting it, I met the love of my life. We've been together about 19 months and are very happy. I have my house, he has his. We see each other often, but will never marry. Our relationship suits us, and that's all that matters. I'm 68 now, and life is great again.

That sounds like a good arrangement 👍🏻

I think most men only move on when they have found someone else!