Husband I think is looking for divorce after 50 years.

He sounds horrible! See a solicitor asap and prepare for the future. I hope it works out well for you but he sounds a nightmare. Best wishes.

I doubt there's any younger attractive women waiting for a chance to get with a grumpy, wrinkly , violent 75 year man. He'd have to be a millionaire to get a gold digger who'll put up with a 75 yearold . A woman wanting money would want to be virtually guaranteed she's going to get a payout or lifestyle fairly quickly. They won't want to be waiting to see what he gets in a divorce as it can take a long time and there's no guarantee she'll get anything.
The male ego is probably making him think he's such a catch and just losing a bit of weight will make him irresistible to a 20 year old. Sad old pervy men are very common sadly.

It applies to women who loose desire as well, there are many physical and emotional causes, I know several of my friends stopped having sex in their 60s. What matters is you continue intimacy in other ways, caring for each other, cuddling and romance.

Men who suffer from impotence can be extremely difficult to live with.
They often blame their partners .
I've been through it and so have several friends.
There's one thing that all of us agree on -it gets worse until life becomes intolerable.
Please get your ducks in a row and leave .

Sounds as though he has always been a bully - and you are scared of him ,you do not deserve this.
Dementia most certainly springs to mind though.
Poor memory , being unable to recall a conversation all red flags!!
Speak to your children and tell them exactly what is happening. Get help ASAP.

I have to gather all the documents soon to do his tax return. So that bits easy. I need to find a solicitor. We've always used his family's. I know anyway they don't do divorce. I have to find a good one that isn't local preferably.

Gather your documents, consult a solicitor, 'Ducks in a Row'.

If this has been steadily getting worse it won't get easier.

Please take advice and at least discuss your concerns with a solicitor.

Maybe he's joined a tennis club?

I can't get into his phone he deletes his history daily.

I giggle a bit now he's got a tan will only wear white tee shirts. Socks and shorts to show off the tan I suppose. Does he see the thinning hair, the bad teeth. I don't know.

ixion

Way back in 2017, welshmist, you were indicating that your DH had anger issues and was always unreasonably blaming you.
Very controlling, even then.
www.gransnet.com/forums/aibu/1235082-worried-about-safety-re-DH-and-grandchildren

Moving on after nearly 10 years, you are still suffering.

Please heed the advice of others on here.

Goodness. I wrote that nearly a decade ago. It's sobering and depressing. I've been walking on eggs for so long. I've lost count how many times I have had to prevent him from interfering in three relationships his offspring have with their partners whenever he doesn't approve. He's very critical of my DILs at times.

He's better with the grandchildren now they're much older. Enjoys their company.

Consult family law solicitor

Ring women's aid.

Way back in 2017, welshmist, you were indicating that your DH had anger issues and was always unreasonably blaming you.
Very controlling, even then.
www.gransnet.com/forums/aibu/1235082-worried-about-safety-re-DH-and-grandchildren

Moving on after nearly 10 years, you are still suffering.

Please heed the advice of others on here.

Is he safe to be still holding a gun license? That’s what immediately jumps out to me.
I would definitely be talking to a solicitor asap as it doesn’t sound like the situation is going to improve, maybe there’s a way you could stay put and he could be forced to move out.
You shouldn’t put up with the threat of violence and being scared in your own home - you said he has been violent previously but you just didn’t report it.

My husband had vascular dementia and what you are saying sounds very familiar. Is he finding it difficult to make mental maps, see if you can go somewhere new and ask him to find the car. Is he struggling with how to work electronic equipment that he would not have struggled with previously? If this is a change from is usual behaviour, call dementia helpline. I didn't find them until after my husband of 42 years was sectioned under the mental health act and I was close to hating him. My GP was useless don't let them fob you off with the 10 question test - it's pointless and if he has vascular dementia he'll be looking for people to 'trick him'. It is an awful illness and my heart goes out to you. You will lose him twice. You need to get yourself safe, physically and financially. For what you had together you should get him help too, if he'll let you.

Also 250k is not great wealth between 2 people ??
I'm not understanding all this.
You sound more attached to the house and willing to put up with anything to stay there. ?
So if that's your choice you can't really complain about him. Because you could leave.
Legally split and get your share of the assets.
Or wait for him to pass away and inherit more than you'd get in a divorce ??

How can you be much younger if he is 75 and you've been married 50 years ?

I am in complete agreement with HeavenLeigh. Your husband's behaviour sounds like early dementia.

I would recommend that you talk to a solicitor as soon as possible. I do not mean that you instigate any action of any kind, but you need to know exactly what the legal situation is, should you need to take any action. He may recommend that you see a financial advisor as well.

The big plus on your side is that you run the money side of everything and presumably control all the documents. If your your husband is thinking he is going to walk off with all the money and leave you with nothing then he is already in cloud cuckoo land, whether he has dementia or not. Not to mention thinking that women will run after a wizened 75 year impotent old man just because he thinks he is rich and has lost weight

Vicious old man syndrome. I have seen this in action before. They will do and say everything to demolish the wife because they have not turned out in life to be who they thought they would be. They blame her for everything but fail to look at themselves and are too stubborn/blind to see what the truth/reality really is. It could also be early onset dementia. Please look after yourself whatever choices you make. You do not deserve this or need it for the rest of your life. It will only get worse.

What an awful situation, I wouldn’t be hanging on to him. Why would you hang around waiting while he loses weight, definitely not !
See a solicitor ASAP get paper copies of everything your solicitor will need them.
Why not ask him to leave ? Seems like he’s got one foot out of the door already. Horrible man.

Speak to your adult children quietly about your stress at home and his memory loss and temper.

It is better they understand what you are dealing with I think.

Welshmist, carry on regardless, he is not much of a catch, if he wants to move out you stay put, its half yours, lead your own life, let your new hips take you out and about. I mean this I think better on your own than with a miserable old man if he goes you will be free.

Oreo

He sure doesn’t sound irresistible weight or no weight 😁
Get your bags packed.

You think 😂 I thought he sounded like a catch 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think you know your marriage is over welshmist in all but name. Just the how and when to sort out now. Sorry for you.
💐