Friendship that is one-sided

i had a friend years ago and she used me really badly, turn up at my door first thing in the morning and it would be bedtime before she would leave, had to supply all meals, then her husband lost is job and he was there as well, sprawled out on my sofa demanding tea and food, i felt sorry for her because he was so nasty and i knew if i sent them home she would bare the brunt of his temper, i was just 20 and it was so nice to have a special friend, most of my friends had been male, after a year of this i gave up the house and moved to the other side of the city, i only saw her a few times after that when she needed money. i am now 62 and have never had a close female friend since, i had friends that i met up with but was always scared of getting so close and feeling used again. i am lucky that i like being on my own and see my family every few weeks, i have been widowed since i was 39 and learned to be happy with my own comapany, as long as i have my laptop and books then i am okay. you need to decide if this friend is worth you being used, i understand about being lonely as my mum is always saying this but she won't do anything about it, she feels at 79 she is too young for lunch clubs and does not want to volunteer for anything.

It's very difficult when you're lonely but I would rather be alone than with self centred friends.

Stay close to people who want more for you, not more from you.

I posted last year about a friend I'd had since 1972 and counted as one of my best friends. We had our first babies together and spent a lot of time together back in the day.

But life moves on ...... I live alone and during the Covid lockdowns I had a great deal of time to think and reflect and realised that the impetus to keep the friendship going was all coming from me. I was the one who made all the effort to keep in touch.

Replies to my last year's post on GN said that my friend was letting the friendship go and was making her feelings clear. I took this on board and, apart from a Christmas card, I didn't get in touch with her.

Suddenly out of the blue, after nearly 2 years of nothing from her, 5 months ago I had a small card saying PLEASE keep in touch. I was a bit narked, to be honest, because it wasn't me who had let the contact go .... but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and sent her a newsy email, asking about her daughters and grandchildren, and mentioning in it that I was undergoing scans for possible ovarian cancer (I've already had breast cancer twice). I've never heard from her since.

Sometimes we just have to accept that a friendship has run its course.

Sorry Sparklefizz. You have made the right decision, you sound a lovely person so she's missed ou.

I’ve known someone for years and at times we’ve been very close but when I was ill, she suddenly wasn’t there for me at all. Since then, she’s popped up when she’s thought I could do something for her but I’ve realised it’s completely one sided as she would never do anything for me. I’ve now had the courage to not make contact with her, ignore her messages about us needing to catch up and I’m trying to move on. I think it’s hard because we all need good friends and as we get older, it’s easier to feel lonely perhaps. But we need to have some self respect. Trust, as I am, that this isn’t a relationship that serves you well and that in time we will meet someone who will become a true friend. There are lots of good people out there.

Thank you Allsorts

I'm sorry you have gone through similar Stillness. It's very hurtful.