Daughter says no visitors for three months

Nothing you can do, but I think it’s truly awful and selfish,
Nans and grandads are needed in a baby’s life.
Thankfully all mine were only to pleased to include me and accept help, and indeed I was privileged to help out a lot.

It’s pretentious nonsense you bond with your baby whether anyone else is around or not.
Who knows she might need you especially if she has a colicky baby like my first one was.

Regardless of where she got the information you have to respect her decision.

Leave her to it, she is being ridiculous but as above, her child and her decision. Keep the distance and wait to be asked, each and every time, in the meantime just go about your normal life

She should relax when she realises that you are not intrusive and will not call on her without invitation.

Start from a detached point of view eg no knitting of small things, no buying baby clothes, just give them a money present to buy something for baby. Slowly she will see that she is being left alone and that will hopefully trigger her into calling on you to help

She wants detached, give her detached

I second what karmalady has said. Your daughter is clearly stressed and as all new moms wants to do everything right. There is so much information around about what that entails. Sit back, agree with her and wait. Reality will soon set in when the baby is born.

I’d be tempted to give her a year to ‘bond’.
Such silly nonsense.

Three months of solitude to bond with the baby is frankly ridiculous but it's her baby, her rules so you'll just have to suck it up with good grace. However, I'd be kind and generous towards her so that she feels she can reach out to you if life becomes difficult.

Her baby her rules. She may regret it and rescind but for now you have to accept it. My advice never give your opinion on this decision of her's.

The granny bond is a very special relationship between the adult and the child. It develops over time and parents don’t own their children.
When both parents are working, grandparents can lift some of the pressure. Just wait for the little person to arrive and take it from there.

Silly and pretentious!
Stay away and get on with your life

I couldn’t wait for my family and friends to meet my babies.
Handed round for cuddles with lots of love that babies bring.

Sensible advice above OP. Step back. Just keep friendly lines open. The occasional question of "all ok?".

Who knows how she will feel closer to the time. I have read probably on Mumsnet of how a birth plan is carefully written, but the plan is ditched once labout starts as your body takes no notice of a birth plan!

So maybe her strict boundaries will also disappear once the baby arrives.

But as everyone has said, respect her decision. Don't even discuss it. And remember by baby 2 she will want as much help as possible.

And a voucher for her chosen baby stuff provider. I have no grandchildren so can't really advise, but base my opinions on my reading of Mumsnet over the last 6 years!! Mumsnet and Gransnet provide a wide view of life today.

Well you can’t change the way someone behaves but it is hurtful.i wonder if she’s also worried about the baby picking up germs. I know this is a thing with new parents…Also as you say, if the inlaws are an issue perhaps she feels she wants to protect herself from their involvement too soon. In my experience, you are fairly helpless as a grandparent, even as a parent, and I’ve had to step back many times and not voice an opinion or get involved, and yet, we give our AC plenty of space and always have. If it was me, I’d wait and see if it becomes evident the baby has been born. If you have any contact with her, you’d surely know, and then get a welcoming gift to her, either by dropping it at the house or sending it. Show that you care in any way you can and try to swallow the heartache and disappointment…and maybe even concern. If she knows you’re there and supportive no matter what, she may well modify things and allow you to see the bay sooner than you think. I use the word allow because at the end of the day, I guess the parents have the last word….and that’s what makes it so hard.

There is a wonderful song by Tim Minchin in which he describes his baby daughter being handed round the family "like a puppy at a primary school." I always think how sweet that is and sums up the family joy of new life.
It sounds to me as though your DD fears her overbearing in-laws and needs to set some boundaries and is trying to be even-handed.
I am willing to bet that she will crumble after a few weeks ... or even days ... when she realises how much she would appreciate help.
Interesting studies reported recently about the role of grandparents in boosting GC's confidence as they grow up. But perhaps don't mention this to your DD just now!
All you can do is go with the flow and help from a distance with your encouragement.
It is all part of a crazy fad, compounded by your DD's concerns about her in-laws. I am sure it will all come good for you over time if you take it gently ... you are playing the long game here.

Oh, I wouldn’t worry - this is all very new & overwhelming to them atm, & there is so much information on the internet now for prospective parents to navigate. Just smile & accept any plans for the time being - in my experience there is every chance that all plans will be rethought once the baby is actually here and the new mum has had no sleep for two weeks …

And remember OP the baby won't remember not seeing you for the first 3 months. You will bond whenever you meet her/him.

Agree with everyone whose responded apart from Stillness who suggested dropping a gift at the house when the baby's arrived; don't do that if you've been told no visitors for three months.

As for worries about her in-laws turning up around the due date, if that were to happen then they can politely turn them away. I can't help but wonder if her non intrusive parents have been told no visitors for 3 months, how long the parents of the father are going to have to wait before they can meet their GC.

There has to be a happy medium between new born baby being passed around like a trophy and close relatives, such as grandparents coming to see their new grandchild to often just wanting to have a look. We were lucky I suppose, we were invited to see ours the next day. I do remember my own experiences of feeling "I could do without the all the visitors, given, like many new mothers feeling very uncomfortable from stitches". However, there seems to be a whole new thing going on now from what we hear, overly precious with these new stringent boundaries. Obviously no one would want visitors who have a cold or worse, I'm wondering if all of this sprang up in the time of Covid. I don't think it's very nice thing to impose on prospective grandparents. It just comes across as way too controlling.

I can understand some control over visits, they can become overwhelming.
However I hope she had a very supportive husband/partner. I assume that she will not be seeing friends or mixing in public places. A lonely place with a new baby.

Yes 3 months is a long time to be in "quarantine". I was out pushing the pram in my small town very quickly. Chatting to anyone who looked in the pram at the most beautiful baby in the world! And my parents were able to come and see her while I was in hospital as I had the usual stay in the 70s of a week to get used to being a mum.

Times are so different now. Covid and lockdown probably caused some changes and we live in anxious times.

It's called cocooning and is advised for the first 6 weeks of the new baby's life to allow breast feeding to be established and for mum/dad bonding with their new baby.
3 months seems extreme but if they are setting boundaries with her inlaws it would cause problems to let her parents have access.
My parents didn't meet my first baby until she was 5 weeks old due to living in different countries and my husband's parents didn't meet her till she was almost 6 months,for the same reason.
It wasn't planned but it certainly gave us time to adjust to being new parents and to bond with our daughter.
No mobile phones then either do no facetiming or the like.

It’s important that baby & grandparents bond too.
Took me a while to bond with my grandchild all thanks to blinking COVID- we weren’t allowed in their bubble due to poorly elderly parents on husbands side (now that was nonsense) & I won’t ever do another lockdown for sure.
At some point, & there will be a time she will call on you for childcare you won’t hardly know that child.
Shes making a rod for herself!

During that time I got a lot of advice and support from my health visitor and the Penelope Leach book.
I phoned my mother occasionally for advice too.

She is only just pregnant and she has made this decision.
Very silly, but you have to accept it.
Plenty of sensible advice here, but I would not even give her a monetary present, put it into a named account for the baby instead.

It's called cocooning and is advised for the first 6 weeks of the new baby's life to allow breast feeding to be established and for mum/dad bonding with their new baby.

Advised by whom?

How might a close family member visiting with good wishes interfere with establishing breast feeding? What makes you think that new parents who accept the help and support of family do not bond with their babies?

There is absolutely no evidence for any of this.

There is clearly a spectrum here between an overbearing family member trying to take over and issuing unwanted advice to the point where the parents become stressed, and no family visits.

There is a happy medium which most families achieve where sensitive and thoughtful family members are there to help when needed but not to interfere or take over.

It might be that breast feeding is easier to establish with a loved one doing the housework and cooking the dinner!

Where is the evidence that parents with close kind supportive family members fail to bond with their babies or establish breast feeding?

Don't stress about this too much GlamGolfGran prospective parents are bombarded with information and some of it quite extreme.
Wait until the baby is born and things will probably change completely then if not before.
In the meantime just accept your daughter's decision and support her where you can.
I've lost count of the times I've had to bite my tongue over the years.