Limericks 18, Rides again

We should make the weigh scales our friend
Be honest and not just pretend,
Weigh naked of course

We should make the weigh scales our friend
Be honest and not just pretend,
Weigh naked of course
As if we were a horse

Though I’ve got a smaller rear end.

It’s hotter this spring than last summer

It’s hotter this spring than last summer
And that will no doubt be a bummer

It's hotter this Spring than last Summer
And that will no doubt be a bummer
Crete will be hot though

It's hotter this Spring than last Summer
And that will no doubt be a bummer
Crete will be hot though
Sampling the ouzo

It's hotter this Spring than last Summer
And that will no doubt be a bummer,
Crete will be hot though
Sampling the ouzo
Beats waiting home for a plumber

I've found they don't always turn up

I've found they don't always turn up,
Not even for tea in a cup,

I've found they don't always turn up,
Not even for tea in a cup
And if you’ve got leaks

I've found they don't always turn up,
Not even for tea in a cup
And if you’ve got leaks
And your bladder’s weak

I've found they don't always turn up,
Not even for tea in a cup
And if you've got leaks
And your bladder's weak
Too bad, looks like you're out of luck

DIY is maybe better

DIY is maybe better
Get a drill and a red setter

DIY is maybe better
Get a drill and a red setter
Make holes in the wall

DIY is maybe better
Get a drill and a red setter
Make holes in the wall
Be sure it won't fall

DIY is maybe better
Get a drill and a red setter
Make holes in the wall
Be sure it won't fall
If that fails, consult a Gransnetter.

There’s always someone there who’ll know

There’s always someone there who’ll know,
And it's a friendly place to go,

There’s always someone there who’ll know,
And it's a friendly place to go,
Some even have tools

There’s always someone there who’ll know,
And it's a friendly place to go,
Some even have tools
And know all the rules

There's always someone there who'll know,
Ans it's a friendly place to go,
Some even have tools
And know all the rules
Green fingered and help your plants grow.

I think I'll go and walk the dog

There’s always someone there who’ll know,
And it's a friendly place to go,
Some even have tools
And know all the rules
And here, there are more friends than foe

One or two gremlins do appear

One or two gremlins do appear
They come from nowhere then they sneer

One or two gremlins do appear
They come from nowhere then they sneer
You read the wrong stuff

One or two gremlins do appear
They come from nowhere then they sneer
You read the wrong stuff,
It's really a bluff,

One or two gremlins do appear
They come from nowhere then they sneer
You read the wrong stuff,
It's really a bluff,
It’s like those pub stories you hear

Alcohol does loosen the tongue

alcohol does loosen the tongue
That could be more true with the young