New Limerick

Alas he is rowing no more
Fell out and now swimming for shore
He's wearing red shorts
And he's not good at sports
To rescue him, too much of a chore

So, I'll just sit back and relax

So, I'll just sit back and relax
Until I’m told all of the facts.

So, I'll just sit back and relax
Until I’m told all of the facts.
He'll swim or he'll sink

So, I'll just sit back and relax
Until I’m told all of the facts.
He'll swim or he'll sink
That’s what I must think

So, I'll just sit back and relax
Until I'm told all of the facts
He'll swim or he'll sink
That's what I must think
Though swim skill is something he lacks

I don't care if they think I am harsh

I don't care if they think I am harsh
I'm just sipping my glass of kirsch

I don't care if they think I am harsh
I'm just sipping my glass of kirsch
No care in the world

I don't care if they think I am harsh
I'm just drinking my glass of kirsch
Not a care in the world
Stretched out and uncurled

I don't care if they think I am harsh
I'm just drinking my glass of kirsch
Not a care in the world
Stretched out and uncurled
They buried the poor guy last March

Comfort's important in shoes

Comfort's important in shoes
No matter what style you choose

Comfort's important in shoes
No matter what style you choose
My favourites are pumps

Comfort's important in shoes
No matter what style you choose
My favourites are pumps
Not gran shoes for frumps

Comfort's important in shoes
No matter what style you choose
My favourites are pumps
Not gran shoes for frumps
But high heels just give me the blues

In fact, I'm inclined to fall down,

In fact, I'm inclined to fall down,
And the pain in my feet makes me frown

In fact, I'm inclined to fall down,
And the pain in my feet makes me frown
My bunions are huge

In fact, I'm inclined to fall down,
And the pain in my feet makes me frown
My bunions are huge
And they are quite ‘rouge’

In fact, I'm inclined to fall down
And the pain in my feet makes me frown
My bunions are huge
And they are quite rouge
So I don't think I'll walk into town

The town where I live is quite small

The town where I live is quite small
Your private business is well known to all

The town where I live is quite small
Your private business is well known to all
The net curtains twitch

The town where I live is quite small
Your private business is well known to all
The net curtains twitch
Some don’t wear a stitch

The town where I live is quite small
Your private business is well known to all
The net curtains twitch
Some don’t wear a stitch
One councillor boasts a large ball.

In fact he is really obscene

A lecherous ancient has-been

Sorry....

In fact he is really obscene
A lecherous ancient has-been

In fact he is really obscene
A lecherous ancient has-been
Gossip is our main sport

In fact he is really obscene
A lecherous ancient has-been
Gossip is our main sport
We’re harmless, please note