New Limerick

In fact he is really obscene
A lecherous ancient has-been
Gossip is our main sport
We're harmless please note
On action we've never been keen

My friend says we're all a bit sad

My friend says we're all a bit sad
Myself, I think I'm a bit mad

My friend says we're all a bit sad
Myself, I think I'm a bit mad
I talk to the trees

My friend says we're all a bit sad
Myself, I think I'm a bit mad
I talk to the trees
And sing to the bees

The inkpot sat in its own hole
To write with a quill was my goal

The inkpot sat in its own hole
To write with a quill was my goal
Do cursive writing

Back to Crazy...

My friend says we're all a bit sad
Myself, I think I'm a bit mad
I talk to the trees
And sing to the bees
I think I take after my dad.

He was so loving but crazy

He was so loving but crazy
And some people thought he was lazy

He was so loving but crazy
And some people though he was lazy
He wrote limericks for fun

He was so loving but crazy
And some people though he was lazy
He wrote limericks for fun
Enjoyed a good pun

He was so loving but crazy
And some people though he was lazy
He wrote limericks for fun
Enjoyed a good pun
But now his mind's rather hazy.

It's so hot in Devon today

It's so hot in Devon today
And here in the USA

It's so hot in Devon today
And here in the USA
Ice cream is the thing

It's so hot in Devon today
And here in the USA
Ice cream is the thing
To give me some spring

It's so hot in Devon today
And here in the USA
Ice cream is the thing
To give me some spring
And stop me melting away

I don't like to bask in the sun

I don't like to bask in the sun
Especially when it's 101

I don't like to bask in the sun
Especially when it's 101
So I keep in the shade

I don't like to bask in the sun
Especially when it's 101
So I keep in the shade
I’m not going to wade

I don't like to bask in the sun
Especially when it's 101
So I keep in the shade
I'm not going to wade
I can't tan when it's all said and done

I really don't like men who wear vests

I really don't like men who wear vests
I've found most of them awful pests

I really don't like men who wear vests
I've found most of them awful pests
‘Specially the string ones

I really don't like men who wear vests
I've found most of them awful pests
'Specially the string ones
On early morning runs

I really don't like men who wear vests
I've found most of them awful pests
'Specially the string ones
On early morning runs
The birds use the string for their nests

I like poems with lines surprising

I like poems with lines surprising
Like the ones with pale moon rising

I like poems with lines surprising
Like the ones with pale moon rising
Or tempestuous love themes