Is 'No Contact' abuse?

It would depend if you believed your children to be at risk IMO Armadillo. A parent does not have to be abusive for you to not have a good relationship with them it could be that you just don't get on, but they may get on well with your children and your children with them.

Only you know what your relationship was like. It wouldn’t be right to just say yes or no. Your bad could be not that bad or actually really toxic.

What I would say is let go of the past. You and your boys are safe and I hope happy and healthy. Stick with the relationship you have with them and just delete your mother from your intruding thoughts.

If I had a bad relationship with my mum but my boys had a good one would it be wrong to keep them away because the boys would see the bad relationship and learn things? I am asking as I think I should have estranged sooner really but everything is fine now. My boys don't want to see her now as they know what she is likeand they are adults that can do what they want really.

And again it’s not. There is only one way. The parents. They’re in control. So by not following their rules and conditions a GP is actually choosing not to be allowed time with the children.

The parents raise their children how they want. And that includes where able to the control of their children’s environment.

What does parents protecting their children have to do with my post? I posted it's wrong to stop GP's seeing their GC because the parents don't get their own way. I didn't post that it's wrong if GP's aren't respecting their GC's parents wishes to be stopped from seeing their GC, I posted it's wrong for GP's not to respect the parents wishes.

I don't get how those 2 things could be wrong at the same time can you explain how parents not getting their rules respected are wrong to keep the grandchildren away?

No it’s not. Parents protect their children.

Yes it's wrong to put a stop to GP's seeing their GC because the children's parents don't get their own way just, as it's wrong for a GP not to respect the wishes and parenting choices being made for their GC.

Absolutely not. Your parenting regarding your children is non negotiable. If that can not be followed then again it’s a simple consequence.

I always say though that you can’t dictate a favour. So if a GP is doing childcare then you can’t dictate and force them to babysit if you see what I mean.

If the don’t follow your rules you put your hand in your pocket and pay for a service you can control.

I think that lifted a weight off really. It's too hard to explain everything to people to make them understand how it ended up this way.

I think it's like when I read stories about people wanting their parenting rules followed and then they say they put grandparents on timeout for not following them and it used to make me uncomfortable but I think I get it now. My mum was always wanting her own way with my boys and that just seemed like a small thing compared to everything else but it isn't a small thing is it.

But you never need to prove yourself. This isn’t a court of law. You are not obligated to defend yourself to anyone.

You don’t want a relationship with her. End of. Don’t ever feel like you have to explain yourself.

Any reason you decide is good enough. And nobody can force you to have a relationship with someone you don’t want to. Just hold firm boundaries. Block all forms of communication. Be firm with shutting down people who try to engage in conversation regarding her and if they push be very very stern.

You don’t have to worry about people believing you because it doesn’t matter.

I think that it is easy to know with my mum as she is abusive but some things she does other people don't think are abusive that are definitely crossing boundaries so that is helpful to know for all of us.

Yes that is one example of abuse Armadillo, emotional blackmail is abusive behaviour.

Experience has shown as both that this is something we'll never agree on Bibbity.

On top of that though there are some instances where conditions on a relationship is not abuse.

For example one I’ve seen is

If you do not stop talking about politics I will not speak to you.

That’s a boundary. If the person chooses not to follow the simple boundary then the naturals consequence is the end of the relationship.

I would say that is a perfect example of abuse.

It’s the clear example of manipulation.

But just I’m not happy. I don’t want a relationship is not abusive.

Would it be abusive if someone said I want xyz or I'm not talking to you because that has happened to me when I wouldn't lend money I would have to get a loan out for.

By saying it’s abusive means there is a right and a wrong.

So them not wanting a relationship with you is wrong. So they have to have one. Even if they don’t want one. They have to. As not to be seen as abusive.

How is that fair to them?

No it’s not. They don’t want a relationship with you. They don’t have to. They aren’t manipulating or forcing you to do anything. They literally just want nothing.

That’s not abusive.

Refusing all and any contact which includes our GC for us is emotional abuse Bibbity. "sad about it" you have no idea.

No Smiles. You don’t get to decide that someone is abusive because they don’t want a relationship with you.

If they have not actually committed any abuse then you being sad about it doesn’t make it abusive.

When an EP describes their estrangement as emotional abuse it is not for you or anyone else to say that they are not being abused Bibbity.

If you're unfortunate enough to experience it and wouldn't describe your experience in the same way, that still doesn't mean that another's experience of it being abusive behaviour is wrong.

I can see that as everyone does that, even in families they avoid some aunts or cousins. I always avoided my uncle cos he was touchy feely and no one cared. Only when I wanted to not see my mum was it a problem but they accepted it now. There doesn't have to be abuse to just not get someone else sometimes. That's just life really we all do it. No one asks to be born do they.

But even if there is no abuse choosing not to have someone in your life is not abusive.

If you want nothing from them. If there is no expectation on what the end of the relationship will result in etc.

Nobody should be forced into a relationship they don’t want to be in.

Yeah they did say it was sometimes before I stopped reading as I don't want to feel like an abuser and some people feel it is abusive. I get that is because of their situation they feel that way.