if you could choose how to die (please dont read this if you are likely to become upset)

Dignitas for me. My life, my choice (hopefully)

I would like to be allowed to fade away in a warm room with some nice music and a bottle of Pinot .

I saw what dementia did to my mother - I do hope I'm spared that indignity. But I'm also not keen on the idea of having a sharp mind and a failing body. Give me a quick death via the euthanasia method. I hope that choice is available to me when the time comes.

Euthanasia for me too. Have thought a lot about mental or physical decline. Neither appeal to me. I am a coward.

Neither concept is appealing..
I think I may slightly prefer to lose my mind, as long as I become a delightfully confused lady, instead of a tormented, aggressive, tearful one.
Not very likely..

How interesting that so far the short sharp end seems favourable to prolonging life that has a poor quality. I often think, where is the line drawn before I decide that enough is enough. And what if I left it too late to complete my intentions. (I favour the warm bed, favourite tunes and a good bottle of red. Dignitas is costly-somewhere around ten grand).

Now and again I've thought about this aspect for a brief moment only. I presently haven't got a clue how I'll end up as my health both physically and mentally isn't too bad considering-----
I'm sure as with a lot of others to " just fall asleep " would be the ideal but it's not always that way.
My mum knew I was by her bed in hospital when she died and she was so calm and restful as she looked at me and smiled-----that was it. I thought how lovely but asked myself years later was it ? To know ? I'm not sure. She was only 67.
I will go when I go however I go but please God don't let me be a burden to my family.
If I should have all my marbles and some excruciating illness/disease then GP's have my permission to up the morphine. God forbid that I turn out to be a pest,then what ? I really don't know.
Neither parent was hard-going as they were in hospital very ill and all I had to do was visit and be there at the end of their day.

I am going to invest in a commode to keep right by my bed because I know there will come a time when I wont be able to make it to loo in the night. Either that or insist on using an old lady nappy. I hope, by planing carefully, be able to go onto the end without becoming a nuisance. I think planning the little things is all important. No way will I go to Dignitas! (Shudder)

I really don't want to lose my mind bec ause of being able to read. Can't imagine life without that.

Quite a few of my elderly relatives have died pretty much mid-sentence, in their late seventies/early eighties.
My Dm had just asked my Df to fetch her something from another room, he came back and she had gone.
My Dgm was talking to my DAunt who was in the kitchen making a cup of tea and suddenly went silent.....
My Dgf pretty much the same.
This would be my ideal way to die.
Otherwise, I think, I would prefer to keep my marbles, even if my body was failing.
I'm pretty sure my Dd and Ds and families will look out for me as much as they can.
As long as I'm not in pain, not too worried really.
Everyone is Born and everyone dies.

My mother had COPD, and was in hospital when she died. She went to sleep, looking forward to seeing photos of her great grandson who was four months old, as I was intending to visit her the following day. None of us was expecting her passing as the hospital said she was improving.
That's the way I'd like to go but without the COPD.

My mum had copd and her passing away was not at all peaceful.
I think we just have to accept it will happen how it happens.

In my sleep at 106, still in my right mind, not too bothered by the body.

After many years having kidney dialysis 3-4 times a week and with advanced bone cancer my mum aged 73 made the very brave decision stop dialysis, leave hospital and come home to die. It was heartbreaking for us but it was what she wanted . We spent the last week of her life sitting on the bed beside her, reading aloud, listening to music and watching old movies . My grandchildren visited her, they sang and danced, played and squabbled (just like normal) then they kissed her goodbye . My little grandson (6 at the time) told her “bye bye grandma, I’ll see you in heaven”

3 of my male cousins went silently without warning, one recently while sitting in the sun waiting for his wife who was shopping. All late 70's. Doesn't bode well for me at 78.

Not sure I'd like to make a sudden departure like that as I like to know what's going on, being nosey and all that. But hey-ho you go when you go and that's that.

Definitely euthanasia at the time of my choosing.
I have the same conversation with myself. My DH died suddenly; no time to say goodbye, or all the stuff you want to get out of the way before the final parting. Or, would it have been better if he'd had a long term illness, in the knowledge that he was dying so all this could have been said? For him obviously he had an easy and hopefully pain free passing and for that I am glad. For me it is an on going form of purgatory and guilt. I just so wanted to 'clear the slate' and I feel angry and cheated out of that opportunity

My Dad suddenly dropped dead at age 84, standing at the kitchen sink washing up. He had an aortic aneurysm which he had never told us about.
A simple way to go, but very hard on my poor Mum.
So I'm not sure - I don't mind talking about death though, as MissA says, it's inevitable.

I don't mind as long as my mind is intact. I'd also like to die at a sociable hour so other people are around. I'm not afraid of dying or of dying alone but I don't want my daughters or granddaughters to find me dead .

I think it is much better to go quickly than have a long illness. I realise it is a shock when someone goes quickly but looking after someone desperately ill is so stressful.

My husband and I have had this conversation many times. Both my parents had dementia, suffered the indignity of incontinence, being totally devoid of any communication in my mum's case and completely bedridden for the last year. My in-laws both died from cancer and were lucid until the end. I know which I would prefer awful as both scenarios are and that's to know what is going on around me.

I think it depends on what stage of life you're at my Mum died when I was 14 she was 48, she was in and out of hospital for two years and in that time not only did we all have time to adjust and accept the situation but we talked about just about every little thing I'd encounter in life. Pretty sure she had similar chats with each of us. So of course I've missed having her around at all of life's milestones but knew she was there with me every step of the way. So I'm now 64 not likely to make it to old age thanks to my auto immune condition that's had several serious attempts at bumping me off already. All things considered the way my health is now I'd quite like the way my mum went. Keep my mental faculties while slowly deteriorating physically. I've already dealt with so much physical crap I'm pretty sure I could cope with anything.

I ve often thought about this I watched both my parents have horrible deaths my mum had seven years of increasingly awful dementia she couldn’t hear had cateracts couldn’t speak only in gibberish she sat so long with her legs crossed at the ankle that they fused that way and she couldn’t walk she was doubly incontinent I don’t know how much she knew or how much she didn’t realise She had a massive heart attack I held her hand for 24 hours and although they gave her intravenous pain relief they didn’t get on top of her pain
My dad became unwell and was told he had terminL stomach cancer he spent three weeks losing blood in fear and pain and shock before finally passing away I was by his side They were both horrible deaths
I always imagined I d just find them one morning asleep in bed it was a shock
I often wonder what my end will be like I hope I m unconscious and don’t know much about it I do feel it’s on the horizon though

My dad had terminal cancer and spent his last few weeks at home. He had a marvellous GP who stocked up a lot of morphine in the top of his wardrobe. She always said to him he would know when the time was right to use it.

One evening he was in a lot of pain and we sent for the GP.
She gave him enough morphine to get rid of the pain and said she would come back in two hours. He had a last cigarette and then had time to talk to both my mum and me before the GP returned. She then gave him enough morphine to bring his life to an end.

Almost certainly illegal but tremendously kind to save him those last few days of suffering.

Anything but drawn-out dementia, and preferably quick!
My mother had dementia for some 15 years, and was in a most pitiful state for her last few years - doubly incontinent, not knowing any of her family, unable to hold any sort of conversation, no clue about anything.

Dh and I have recently drawn up Powers of Attorney for both finances and health and welfare. In my H&W one I have made my wishes very clear in the case of dementia, or any other condition where I am unable both to care for myself, and speak for myself.
No life-prolonging interventions, whether surgical or medical - palliative care only. If Nature is trying to let me go in such circs, then for heaven's sake just let her get on with it.

Personally, having seen far too much of dementia and care homes over the years - 3 relatives have had it - I think there is far too much 'striving to keep alive' of people who are already very elderly, with well advanced dementia. In and out of hospital, on drips, pestered and badgered to eat and drink when they no longer want to, stuffed with all sorts of supplements and medication to keep them 'healthy' - for what???

Just recently I read of someone over 90 with fairly advanced dementia being given a pacemaker - and it was the relatives who made the decision, after doctors gave them the option of doing nothing, in which case (as the drs told them) the person would probably have slipped away quietly in their sleep.
IMO this sort of thing is just crazy - not to mention an appalling waste of NHS resources.