How private should a pm be?

I would think once the message has been sent it belongs to the recipient but I'm not sure.
Just ignoring them would be the best thing to do otherwise you are fuelling the fire. Of course I don't take my own advice as I can't resist firing off a response.

So you've had them too, sodapop?

They don't bother me but they could really upset some people!

Stand up to bullies-------and they twist it so that YOU become the bully for standing up to them !!??
I've had all this in the past and to say it leaves a bad taste in your mouth is an understatement.
The best thing to do is to delete such pm's ,they'll soon get tired of it.
The worst offenders are women ! Why ? I don't know. All I can come up with is that they must have some bad issues in their miserable lives to want to do such a thing.

I once had a PM ostensibly to me but given the content, I am convinced it was about me ??
I wondered then, and sometimes still wonder who it was meant to be sent to.
P S it was not enormously flattering!

I was specifically talking about other gn members sending aggressive pms.

Reply and block.

I assume you are talking about the PM I received following my use of the word “bloody” kitty which was 3 months ago. I was accused of being ill bred, thinking only of myself, insensitive, thoughtless and with no regard for other people’s sensitivities etc.

Now considering all I said was “bloody” (in a joking way I might add as it was on the jigsaw thread) crikey knows what I might’ve got if I’d used a really bad word !

I assumed everyone had pretty much worked out the sender by now. She pops in now and again and should perhaps follow her own advice as I have yet to see one kind word she has ever written, but having said that I don’t think it’s fair to name her on an open forum.

Haven't been on the receiving end of such nastiness but I'm afraid I 'd have no problems in naming and shaming the sender!

The best thing do is delete the darned thing and block the sender. If you 'out' the sender and they take umbrage (they always do) HQ gets arsey and it's your post that gets deleted with a patronising message about private meaning private (or words to that effect)

I rarely get PMs thank goodness and I hardly ever send them unless it's to give somebody some information that would be too personal on an open website.

There are definitely some PM happy posters on Gransnet and I know of one member who was deeply hurt as a result of being on the receiving end and has now left.

I haven't worked it out gilly. But, if you weren't a strong woman, or you were new to gn, it could be very disturbing. Naming them might stop them doing it to someone else.

Perhaps block them. There is so much trust in PM’s, don’t let someone unkind take away this trust

That's my point merlot. So they should be outed - they are just bullies.

Maybe copy and paste the message, but without the persons name.
I keep checking my inbox now, in case I've got one.
I think if someone feels strongly enough to send a pm, then they won't mind others knowing their thoughts, albeit anonymously.

I have outed them, kitty. I think there are only two members who have really annoyed me with their PMs but it was my post that was deleted as a result of them reporting me to HQ.

I hate hypocrisy and wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

I had a mildly unpleasant PM recently. I just blocked the sender. It did not merit the courtesy of a reply.

Oh, then there was Tom, but I used his PM to start a thread. Sadly I was not the only one he had mailed.

I'd have no compunction in naming them. Bullying online has to be stamped out.It's the most insidious of crimes as it is a crime when it affects the recipient to such a degree that they're on edge in case it happens again.It's horrible.

Technology has come a long way but it's also created misery.

Ha Ha, MissA. I suspect kitty will be needing to check her inbox before too long.

I’ve had one, early GN days. It shocked me and left me upset initially until I decided it said more about the sender than it did me. I didn’t respond in any way, deleted it and blocked the sender which was the best course of action for me, had forgotten it until now. Interesting to read others thoughts. In terms of your question kitty, once something is sent surely it belongs to the recipient? Not sure what GN ‘rules’ say though.

Fine up to now!

That was to merlot!

GN's take on it is that private means private and you should not post about it. If you are upset you can forward it to them to deal with.

I'd rather stick up for myself.

Over the years I've had a couple of mildly unpleasant PMs, which I just ignored. However, if someone really insults and upsets you in a malicious pm for no reason, I think you should be able to publish their message and name, with no come back on you. Why should they get away with horrible behaviour and no one else aware of what they are really like? The spotlight should be on them, so everyone here sees what they have done.

Monica, I was one of the others who received a PM from the ubiquitous 'Tom'. I think he rather fancied himself as everyone's Tom, Dick and Harry but ended up as an international joke on a website of vigilant Grans. ???

Years ago there was a thread about supermarkets and I posted a Stephen Fry quote but toned it down. I then received a pm from a long gone member accusing me of being a terrible snob!

I mentioned it without outing the sender which prompted another gransnetter to post the original, unedited version.

Oh the outrage.