E.F.T

You’ve made progress annie, so much from the time you couldn’t venture outside at all. Your courage will see you through. Now you have contact with two neighbours I hope more come into your life. People can be very kind. Sending love and hope.

I’m so sorry joelsnan, you also have so much courage, wishing you a peaceful night.

Just home from a week in Wales and learned the word cwtch while there. So a Lancashire cwtch to you Annie.

Anniebach
Thank you, just drying the tears after the last post.
Please, look to your future, are you enjoying your current state?
With regard to the bridge, did it cause your daughters death, no it was her serious mental condition so why focus your anxiety on the bridge. You too cannot change what happened, you will carry your daughter in your heart as I carry my darling son but somehow I know it’s not my time yet (it may be soon I don’t know), so if I am meant to continue this life I may as well live it rather than exist.
And so must you

What a brave and thoughtful post joelsnan that even with your own heartbreak you have the courage to help Anniebach with hers.
I wish you both some peace and happy days ahead.
Big hugs to you both and to others suffering great sadness. X

I echo solitaire's post.

Joelsnan you are so right x a few weeks ago my elder granddaughter graduated, the university is only 50 miles away, I watched on live feed and wept. I should have been there, 8 years ago when my daughters illness led to a breakdown she came to me and said - look after my children as you have always looked after sister and me’,, and I have . This year younger granddaughter starts at the same university as her sister and brother, i knew watching the graduation I couldn’t do the same in three years time to little one. I had let my granddaughter, son in law and my darling daughter down because i put myself first, I was to frightened, I couldn’t cope with sitting there with my family because my daughter wasn’t there, my three grandchildren and son in law had to get throught that day without their mother and wife. I didn’t post about it because I didn’t want to do another ‘meme thread’ . The guilt was painful, I brought it on myself because I put myself first .

Last week elder granddaughter,now living in Cornwall,had her first interview ,job hunting , as soon as she left the building she face timed me, she needed me. I was with the three of them at the school for their A’ Level results. They were so sure they wouldn’t get their grades.

So that’s it. I have to get out there again, I have to be at that university in three years time.

Joel i have caused you pain and i am so sorry, forgive me.

Oh another meme , sorry all x

Annie, what can I say. You have a big heart and would never cause anyone pain, inadvertantly or otherwise. You pour out your heart's feelings on here, as can many others. We don't come here to be chastised, don't do it to your self. We come here because we know, that for the most part, we can get help, advice, and yes sympathy. All these great GN's who read and post are a help to such a lot of us. Don't beat yourself up. I am sure that the things you post are taken, for what they are, coming straight from the heart, and taken as such. Now I am beginning to waffle here, so will shut up, but Annie, please know that we hold you dearly in our hearts. God bless. ( You will get there, with or without your new transport) {{{hugs}}}

Auntieflo, it’s because I am Welsh, why use one word when you can use ten ?. Thank you x

Anniebach
You have caused me no pain whatsoever, we both know that sometimes thoughts bring sadness. However I have learned to not allow them to control my life.
I sincerely hope you will recognise that despite horrendous knock backs you have a purpose, to bring love and laughter to those that follow you, to be an inspiration to them to live happy and productive lives. Good Luck and enjoy the rest of your life.

You will come through this Annie, with your strength and everyones love and help. You are still grieving so don't beat yourself up. Take one step at a time and that one step will soon become 50 and you will feel that you are getting somewhere, you will never forget but it will be easier. Need any help just come from where you are to us. x

Thank you x I will post about my EFT treatment ?, waiting for the scooter now.

It is not about putting yourself first, but recognising your limitations at present. It will not be for always.

I am glad you have set yourself a goal and will be willing you to attain it.

Joelsnan, I had no idea. . I don’t think I’d have had your strength.

Annie*, you slipped into that black hole which can be so hard to climb out of once in. But you’re getting there now. Onwards and upwards.

I too send my thoughts to you Joeslnan - there are no words to express how hard that must be but as you say what else can you do but have acceptance that you can change nothing. I worry so much about my own son who is in a very bad place at the moment.

Annie I am so pleased that you have got your scooter and have had visits from your neighbours - it all sounds so encouraging and even though the prospect of going out is still daunting you have now put into words just what the goal is you have to strive to achieve in the next 3 years to be there for your little granddaughter and I just know you'll get there. I don't know what EFT is but I have heard great results can come from hypnotherapy for phobias and fears. To have a neighbour who will come to you to try and help is wonderful news. Go for it

Thank you all x

I have worked out some goals, they will be difficult but so was putting out the milk bottles untill recently .

My son in law who isn’t has assured me he will keep his mobile to hand throughout the day and if anything should frighten me I can phone and he will come immediately.

This morning I opened the living room curtains and my neighbour was walking across the Cul de Sac, I was able to wave and say good morning .

So i will do my best to overcome this for my granddaughter, my two daughters, myself and to show how much your caring and support as meant to me x

If the EFT helps it may help others here or who may join us.

Thank you, i am truely blessed to know you all x

Willow500
I do hope your son finds his way through his difficulties. It is so difficult to know what to do.
I brought my son to live with me the month before. I thought he was making progress.
My sister in law lost her husband to the same as my son in April this year, both of us knew they were suffering anxiety but both had no expectation of them taking their lives. My sister in law was told the majority do this as a spur of the moment thing which was the case with my son as i entered my home to the smell of burning food to find blackened chicken in the oven.
It is as though a switch clicks in the brain and it becomes an imperative, at the point of doing the deed they have released so much adrenaline which is like an endorpin and they achieve a euphoric state and feel nothing. I hope this is true. I do remember my sons face looking strangely calm and serene which i could not compute.(sorry for being graphic)

Anniebach
Good for you!
However nothing is going to frighten you unless you let it, and you know you are stronger than that. You owe it to your grandchildren to show them what a strong woman you are and must act as a role model to direct them away from potential issues that they may have been exposed to before.
You can do it!

Joelsnan I so admire your fortitude.
Thank you for the explanation, it's helped me make sense of personal situations and guilt that I felt in not being able to help.
I'm sure it's something that many of us dread. X

Good luck, Annie. You are being very brave at such a difficult time, but reading your posts on this thread, it really does sound as if you want and feel able to try to make changes. I do hope this therapy helps you. ?

Thank you Mapleleaf, not brave, terrified, but I want to try

Yes, you must be feeling terrified, Annie but you are taking a brave step forward in wanting to try, so I think you are being brave too. All the best. ?

Onwards and upwards. But don’t rush it. But you know that already. That milk bottle was the biggest step!

Yes , the milk bottles rattled when I stepped just outside, I was shaking, now? No problem.

Scooter being delivered tomorrow, fearful but a step towards recovery

How’s the scooter?

It was delivered today. I was fearful ,what have I done etc.

The chap who delivered it rang the bell, stomach churning I answer and he had left the scooter at the bottom of the path leading to the house. Panicky, I said could you bring it closer please I can’t walk that far, about 7 feet !

He brought it, explained the workings, lights, horn etc, then i sat in it, off down the path to the another path which leads to the road around the Cul de Sac, i rode onto the road,

It was FANTASTIC, I saw up the Cul de Sac , the light wind on my face, the sun, I wanted to go further , sounds silly but been indoors for so long , it felt great, going on it tomorrow and my aim is to the top of the Cul de Sac. Have several small routes planned.

Felt freedom for a short while. Because I chose one with a high back and solid front, not the pole one I felt safe

Sorry, I should have just replied ‘ the scooter i really nice’ but wanted to tell you what it was really like leaving the house and enjoying it

All this is due to you all x