Who is your back up?

I live on my own, no family at all and I am recovering from a knee replacement. I do have a cleaner who comes weekly for 3 hours and I could not manage without her.

After discharge I was allocated 40 minutes of help but I could wash and dress etc so she ended up emptying the rubbish bin or making me a light breakfast. If I had needed her help beyond 4 weeks I would have had to have paid. I was pleased to get my house back again.

It is difficult washing and drying clothes not to mention trying to cook. I also have a cat who comes first.

I had a taste 5 years ago when I had my other knee replaced and I did some alterations in and out of the house after that. At least this time I could get in my front door because I had the path raised. I have laminate or ceramic floors everywhere and in my present position there are no rugs in situ.

Everything takes longer to do- I shop on line and one GN who I met at a coffee morning 3 years ago is visiting this week and bringing bread etc.

I’m in a similar situation. I’m sure lots of people are. My children live 200 miles away. My friends (not many, but good) are as decrepit as I am. It’s very difficult. I’m due to have a cataract operation, with complications, at the end of this month and one son is going to come to be with me for a short time. Everyday life is getting difficult. I’m all right in the house, just about, but I am so shaky on my feet that I could do with someone to be with me when I go to medical appointments. At the moment I am putting off a visit to the dentist because I’m not sure how I’ll manage.

One of my best friends is due to have a breast cancer op soon. She too is quite alone except for a brother many miles away. She was hoping to go into some form of convalescent care afterwards but has not managed to find anywhere. I wish I’d seen this thread earlier! Her brother is coming to take her home from hospital, but he can’t stay. She is intending to manage alone, but she won't beable to use her right hand, and she doesn’t even have a microwave. She has lots of acquaintances who will help, I’m sure. I’m no use except as someone to talk to.

We often say how annoying it is the way doctors etc always seem to think everyone has willing family around the corner to drive us around, pick us up and accompany us if needed.

I am in a similar situation as you. I've been on my own for more years than I'd like to admit to. My only son and his family live in NZ and there really is no-one I could call on should something go seriously wrong with my health.
At least in this country, there are safety nets available, but it is a scary thought and one, now that I'm getting older, I've become very aware of.

Just as an aside. I volunteer for a local charity providing community transport. They have volunteer drivers who take those people who are unable to drive or who don't have easy access to public transport to doctors and hospital appointments. We have at least 1000 people on our books who use us regularly. Might be worth checking to see if that service is available in your area. There is a charge but it is tiny compared to using a taxi.

I am also in a similar poition to you and have in recent years had some minor ops and in some ways even whenn still hadd partner like to be left alone when unwell which goes back to childhood.
I dont know what the answer is but when I have been recovering I used to pamper myself and in terms of housework standards dropped and kept a flask of hot water and coffee near to save moving just to make a drink.

See what is available through your local county council voluntary organisations. Some local councils have befrienders who could pop in to assist you

My husband died. Then about a year later I started to feel unwell My doctor sent me home said it was grieve. I had a pain in my side and felt weak . It got worse so I rang my doctor again but he dismissed me. I went to A&E The hospital told me i was too old for appendicitis and said it was wind.

The pain was so bad I could hardly walk but I knew if i stayed in doors and collapsed I would die alone, so I tried to go to work, I was weak, white as a ghost and burning up. I collapsed at the train station and was rushed in an ambulance. The hospital called my daughters but neither came, but one did text me. It was Easter so everyone had family events . My appendix were leaking I had to have an emergency operation before they burst there were complication and I was very poorly . No one came to see me in hospital although my son in law did text me to tell me how inconvenient it was. My phone had lost battery so I couldn't call any friends most live to far from me anyway. I was discharged about 3 weeks later. The hospital signed me off work for 12 weeks but the doctor forgot to put a care package in place. I was home alone unable to walk or do much more than lift a cup, no food so weak. Finally I felt so ill I rang a doctor who did eventually come out. I had developed an infection and was rushed into hospital again . When I left someone got the mental health team involved as I was very anxious very low with grieve and stress and they came with a big food parcel and some one to talk for a couple of weeks before discharging me from their care . But yes I have been in your situation its a very lonely feeling. I hope you feel better soon and get some support.

With this sort of situation - and of course assuming one can afford it - there are agencies that can provide short term carers or even nurses to cover this sort of event.

Was tempted to call you a bed blocker but not everyone shares my awful sense of humour and I didn't want to get flamed :D

Other than the pain and difficulty in walking I am in very good health for my age as I have led a healthy life style, good diet etc no trouble with my brain function which makes it harder to bear.

pinkjj27, that is really sad. I am glad you eventually found a solution.

Living alone and getting old means be prepared by putting in place a programme of help that can be summoned the moment a crisis occurs.

My friends and I often have this conversation. First know what is available. Search the councils services site, look in yellow pages etc. Then explore the internet. You can get aupairs for the elderly - lots of different agencies provide them, in some towns they have co living schemes. I have met many older widows and widowers happy to have bout a flat in supported living accommodation as one person in this thread has said her mother and sister are in the same group of flats. For £ 700 you can get a house keeper for a week. But you need to have this address on your list and to have contacted the agencies so they know your details and above all keep your mobile phone charged and put all the numbers in it.

My husband and I are still togeher, we need help with our garden, and we get help though the internet sites: HelpEx and work away.
www.helpx.net/
www.workaway.info/

When looking after my mother my brother got help from Helpx.

icanhandthemback Thank you It was horrible but I did survived to tell the tale.

Your post has suddenly brought to my attention what a difficult position I will be in soon. I am due to have a shoulder operation done and I will be in a sling for 4-6 weeks. My husband passed away a few months ago and he was my going to be the person to help me through this I do have my son and his partner who live locally but they both work full time and also have a 3 year old to care for as well. My other 2 adult children live in London and Manchester. I hadn't really thought about the consequences of living alone with only my left arm in use for many weeks!

Bijou it's good to see you posting again and I 'm sorry it's in these difficult circumstances.
I wish some of us could just rally round and help!
The idea of having an emergency list ready is an excellent one - contact numbers for family/friends and agencies.
I am seriously taken aback that some posters have asked for help and been refused by family.
For pink and others who felt neglected

Heavens! These posts are terrifying. I’m so glad I have family close by. It’s hard to believe just how dire our care system is.

Sometimes I think you’d be better off in a Third World Country with an extended family to help out. ?

Anniebach, could you do a little tea party or similar and invite your neighbours to come along and bring a contribution with them? Perhaps they just need someone to coordinate things! My Aunt was a great organiser, she sorted out coffee mornings/book club/gardening club (got the men interested in that one!) etc in the close of houses where she lived.

Living alone and getting old means be prepared by putting in place a programme of help that can be summoned the moment a crisis occurs.
This is what I keep trying to explain to my mother. I am trying to forward plan as she has had 4 falls in the last year and each time she expects everything to carry on as usual. When I say, let's get this in place so we don't lurch from crisis to crisis, she responds that it may never happen again. She's 77 and statistically, it might!!!!

This is my nightmare scenario. I live alone in Cheshire and my two sons and their families are 'down south'. I have several friends who are all getting on a bit too. I know they would fetch and carry for me but nobody close by could really care for me if the occasion arose. DS1 came for several days when I had a fractured shoulder and made sure that I was OK. DS2 and two GSs came when I needed a minor op on a sinus and took me home with them for Christmas. But sons, partners and senior DGD all have responsible jobs which - as far as employers are concerned - come before poorly parents! DS2 has suggested that if I need knee surgery I should come and stay with them post operatively, but I have no friends there and he and his partner are out at work all day.

I can assure all of the people on GN that living on your own and coping with hip or knee replacement is perfectly do-able . It just needs a bit of imagination on how to get from A to B with food and drink.I have coped with both knees and both hips between 2004 and 2015 and I'm still here to tell the tale.I don't like being made a fuss of.I also live in a house ,not a bungalow and coping with the stairs was not that much of a problem either.Don't worry you'll be fine.

Don't worry , you'll be fine.

Hugs to you. I know how you feel.
My heart is breaking. I too am completely alone. I have been experiencing alarming heart symptoms warranting a trip by ambulance to hospital one night a couple of weeks ago. I had a holter monitor on for 24 hours about a week ago and am waiting for the results. And I have no one to tell about it. I don't want to worry my elderly mother or siblings. They live too far away.

I raised a son alone and when he left home to move in with his now fiance two years ago, my world sort of fell apart. I had defined myself as 'mother' and protector, and bread-winner. The lot. I put that boy first in every way and despite a few failings, I was a reasonable mum.
So when he left home I grieved for a few months. I tried studying again, going out a bit more, meeting new people, but still couldn't find a sense of purpose, and fell into deep depression. I was working to pay the mortgage to stay in a big empty house with no one in it, and with memories bouncing off the walls. So I sold it, visualising casual weekly or fortnightly dinners with 'my kids' and random knocks on the door, just the way it always was with my own mum. They seemed happy that I would be nearby.
As it has turned out, I have been here around four months and have seen them maybe three times - when they have needed something. I have asked them round for dinner but they have always had other plans and I feel hurt by the continual rejection, so I have stopped asking.

One time I delivered a tub of icecream and a salad I made to their door (she doesn't cook or eat vegetables). It was evening and the door was open so I called out. No answer. Worried now I called out again. She answered me from the lounge room, where she'd been hiding all along, but didn't come to the door. I was only delivering gifts, not attempting to see them or intrude. He is a chef and I know he appreciates not having to cook when he isn't working! And I know she likes my cooking too.
An hour later my son texted to say thanks for the goodies but could I call before dropping by. This seems a reasonable request but I don't have any idea when he's likely to be home because of his roster, so I am not about to hound him three days in advance to be 'allowed' to drop by with GIFTS. Especially when he doesn't bother to keep in touch with me.

So now I feel a bit silly in my lovely home with a lovely garden in a strange city, all by myself. I think my heart is physically suffering from my son's rejection. And I truly wonder what's left for me.

I am wondering that as I am NHS patient my treatment and accommodation is inferior to the private patients. I asked for the bottom sheet to be changed because it was so thin and uncomfortable over a slippery mattress which they eventually did. My equipment at home is far superior to that here. Shower stool, non slip floor, riser recliner chair etc

Every town has an agency which provides help at home when needed. They are in the phone book and will have been vetted, approved and licensed. If you are unsure your GP, District Nurse or Health Visitor will be able to advise. These people are there for you. Don't be afraid to use them!

Does your area have a home from hospital or hospital discharge team? They may be able to put you in touch with a few charities who do after hospital care for solo people like us. I was in a similar situation following my recent surgery and ended up going to stay with DD1 120 miles away because I couldn’t cope alone. After that I was told about the home from hospital team?
The hospital should not discharge anyone unless they are assured that they do have help, it sounds like yours didn’t ?