Who is your back up?

Thank you to everyone who has responded to my post. Almost a week on, I am limping around but managing well.

It does seem there are a lot of people in a similar position whether one has family or not.

Reading about the experiences of others and the advice given has given me much to think about for the future.

Thank you all again.

I recently suffered a "hypo" (I'm Type 2 Diabetic) despite the best efforts of the Paramedics my Blood Sugar stayed low & Blood Pressure far to high so I had to go to ED as I live on my own. 4 hours later I was allowed home. Luckily DD could take me home after dropping DGS1 at School. DD lives about 5 mins from Hospital but about 10 miles from where I live. DD has my 2 DGS aged 8 & 1 plus a Registered Disabled OH. She could not care for me if I needed multiple visits during the day. I live in a Park Home so no stairs, neighbours are lovely but I couldn't impose too much. I do worry what would happen if I needed a serious operation or was seriously ill. Luckily my local shop delivers, I have a Milkman & can order groceries on-line, but it's still a concern. We have local volunteers who will take you to Doctors/Dentists/Hospital Appointments. My DM is 89 & still lives independently but as she lives 300 miles away I worry about her too

My uncle was in a l/t mental institution for most of his life. Got care in the community eventually when they started shutting them down, so called supported living. My father's suggested that he should start going to the nearest church, which he did and found a lot of support there. There are lots of volunteers attached to the church who are quite willing to offer support, possibly on a rota. Worth having a think about. These days they don't care what race, religion (if any) etc you are, they will help anyone.

I recently had a knee replacement and my husband and I realised how much we rely on each other and take about what we would do if we were ever on our own. I just couldn't have managed two weeks after the op as I caught a virus and just couldn't leave my bed. The dr even came out twice to see me. I think I would book myself into recite care or if it kept happening move to sheltered housing. Its hard getting old.

How bloody annoying.

My post vanished.

I am in a large property too which has accumulated belongings of 5 generations! To be honest I have decided to pay a firm to empty the house and put all into storage for the time being as I decided that an empty property would probably sell quicker. My daughters have all said I can stay with them until the place is sold which takes pressure off me. My plan is to downsize now while I am still young(ish) and make the new place just up together. I will then get a gardener a day a week and a cleaner for a couple, so I can get on with getting back to work, and so on ?☕️?without the stress of running a large home?

I am in exactly this situation. No children only brother died 8 years ago, he had no children either. He lived in Scotland so his wife is up there. She has family from a previous partner.

I have a house full of stuff and I need to get rid of lots of it. I am, after my only older friend, breaking her arm and needing me to drive her around seriously thinking about moving. I have tried hard to find a bungalow but the sale of my house would not cover the cost. I have come across a new build of two bungalows which is a part share and I am presently going through hoops to see if I qualify. A house a few doors from me sold quite quickly last week. So I am sure I could sell. Just hesitating re putting it on the market.

Anyone who comes to empty this house has a job on their hands. I at lease would be able to get a charity to take some of the stuff.

So, although I panic when I think of my situation I am hoping to move although I have lived in this house since 1961.

It is awful having no one to call on in an emergency.

Here`s another realising and fretting over the fact, apart from my husband, we have no other helper or indeed another person to ask for help.
This situation has given me sleepless nights and nightmares for many years, and yes realising the only thing open to us is try ing to help ourselves.

I have had a range of cancers with life saving operations,treatments as well as several other serious illnesses.
The last straw came on learning my husband,my long term carer also has a life threatening illness.
We have made every offort to help ourselves by trying to sell up our delightful, but quite large and isolated home with grounds that take much maintaining.
We have been quite unfortunate through no fault of our own, and therefore twice have lost out on a Retirement Apartment in a complex.... which has a manager and various aids to assist, at least in an emergency.
We have also just lost out on a Sheltered Housing place but still head the list............therefore we are keeping trying many options hoping to sort out our own difficulties..........or at least lighten the heavy load.

I truly understand and empathise with you Liltinglyrics and all the dear ones in a similar position,and for those all alone, of course it is even worse.
Of course,naturally we all like our privacy and independance and cannot be faulted for that,yet it is so darn difficult to sometimes even just help ourselves!!!

We are living on very much on this precipice,teetering,hopefully awaiting a rescue passage.............just simply the sale of our property......and it going through this time..........and then hopefully a Retirement Complex fairly near at hand.
Not easy to combine the sale and the purchasing..........another nightmare.
It is extremely difficult because where we live, I think the fact of a fast moving aging population has not yet got the builders building enough of these places.
There is a massive shortage.

We keep hoping!........and may each one of you find suitable answers too.

I agree with those that say Doctors make assumptions! I was not asked who would be able to help when I returned home, this despite a rare cancer diagnosis, and two operations; one emergency, and a life threatening bout of sepsis? all of these naturally left me (a youngish early 50’s lady?) quite incapacitated! If I had gone home alone I would not have been able to get to the loo (I pass out without warning) or prepare food never mind shop!
I remember thinking then, like others, that I could easily die alone at home! since I was helpless as a baby! Thankfully I do have family, albeit miles away, and so I went to stay with one of them and am here now slowly getting better.
pinkjj27 Your story is horrific! I hope you are on the mend now!

Thank you for all these helpful suggestions. I have been worried that if I had an accident or an operation there would be no-one to call upon, as all my children are all in other countries. I have many friends, but wouldn't want to bother them to visit me in hospital, do the washing etc. I didn't know that social workers will help for a time and put you in touch with care agencies, so feel much reassured.

Does your area have a home from hospital or hospital discharge team? They may be able to put you in touch with a few charities who do after hospital care for solo people like us. I was in a similar situation following my recent surgery and ended up going to stay with DD1 120 miles away because I couldn’t cope alone. After that I was told about the home from hospital team?
The hospital should not discharge anyone unless they are assured that they do have help, it sounds like yours didn’t ?

Every town has an agency which provides help at home when needed. They are in the phone book and will have been vetted, approved and licensed. If you are unsure your GP, District Nurse or Health Visitor will be able to advise. These people are there for you. Don't be afraid to use them!

I am wondering that as I am NHS patient my treatment and accommodation is inferior to the private patients. I asked for the bottom sheet to be changed because it was so thin and uncomfortable over a slippery mattress which they eventually did. My equipment at home is far superior to that here. Shower stool, non slip floor, riser recliner chair etc

Hugs to you. I know how you feel.
My heart is breaking. I too am completely alone. I have been experiencing alarming heart symptoms warranting a trip by ambulance to hospital one night a couple of weeks ago. I had a holter monitor on for 24 hours about a week ago and am waiting for the results. And I have no one to tell about it. I don't want to worry my elderly mother or siblings. They live too far away.

I raised a son alone and when he left home to move in with his now fiance two years ago, my world sort of fell apart. I had defined myself as 'mother' and protector, and bread-winner. The lot. I put that boy first in every way and despite a few failings, I was a reasonable mum.
So when he left home I grieved for a few months. I tried studying again, going out a bit more, meeting new people, but still couldn't find a sense of purpose, and fell into deep depression. I was working to pay the mortgage to stay in a big empty house with no one in it, and with memories bouncing off the walls. So I sold it, visualising casual weekly or fortnightly dinners with 'my kids' and random knocks on the door, just the way it always was with my own mum. They seemed happy that I would be nearby.
As it has turned out, I have been here around four months and have seen them maybe three times - when they have needed something. I have asked them round for dinner but they have always had other plans and I feel hurt by the continual rejection, so I have stopped asking.

One time I delivered a tub of icecream and a salad I made to their door (she doesn't cook or eat vegetables). It was evening and the door was open so I called out. No answer. Worried now I called out again. She answered me from the lounge room, where she'd been hiding all along, but didn't come to the door. I was only delivering gifts, not attempting to see them or intrude. He is a chef and I know he appreciates not having to cook when he isn't working! And I know she likes my cooking too.
An hour later my son texted to say thanks for the goodies but could I call before dropping by. This seems a reasonable request but I don't have any idea when he's likely to be home because of his roster, so I am not about to hound him three days in advance to be 'allowed' to drop by with GIFTS. Especially when he doesn't bother to keep in touch with me.

So now I feel a bit silly in my lovely home with a lovely garden in a strange city, all by myself. I think my heart is physically suffering from my son's rejection. And I truly wonder what's left for me.

Don't worry , you'll be fine.

I can assure all of the people on GN that living on your own and coping with hip or knee replacement is perfectly do-able . It just needs a bit of imagination on how to get from A to B with food and drink.I have coped with both knees and both hips between 2004 and 2015 and I'm still here to tell the tale.I don't like being made a fuss of.I also live in a house ,not a bungalow and coping with the stairs was not that much of a problem either.Don't worry you'll be fine.

This is my nightmare scenario. I live alone in Cheshire and my two sons and their families are 'down south'. I have several friends who are all getting on a bit too. I know they would fetch and carry for me but nobody close by could really care for me if the occasion arose. DS1 came for several days when I had a fractured shoulder and made sure that I was OK. DS2 and two GSs came when I needed a minor op on a sinus and took me home with them for Christmas. But sons, partners and senior DGD all have responsible jobs which - as far as employers are concerned - come before poorly parents! DS2 has suggested that if I need knee surgery I should come and stay with them post operatively, but I have no friends there and he and his partner are out at work all day.

Living alone and getting old means be prepared by putting in place a programme of help that can be summoned the moment a crisis occurs.
This is what I keep trying to explain to my mother. I am trying to forward plan as she has had 4 falls in the last year and each time she expects everything to carry on as usual. When I say, let's get this in place so we don't lurch from crisis to crisis, she responds that it may never happen again. She's 77 and statistically, it might!!!!

Anniebach, could you do a little tea party or similar and invite your neighbours to come along and bring a contribution with them? Perhaps they just need someone to coordinate things! My Aunt was a great organiser, she sorted out coffee mornings/book club/gardening club (got the men interested in that one!) etc in the close of houses where she lived.

Heavens! These posts are terrifying. I’m so glad I have family close by. It’s hard to believe just how dire our care system is.

Sometimes I think you’d be better off in a Third World Country with an extended family to help out. ?

Bijou it's good to see you posting again and I 'm sorry it's in these difficult circumstances.
I wish some of us could just rally round and help!
The idea of having an emergency list ready is an excellent one - contact numbers for family/friends and agencies.
I am seriously taken aback that some posters have asked for help and been refused by family.
For pink and others who felt neglected

Your post has suddenly brought to my attention what a difficult position I will be in soon. I am due to have a shoulder operation done and I will be in a sling for 4-6 weeks. My husband passed away a few months ago and he was my going to be the person to help me through this I do have my son and his partner who live locally but they both work full time and also have a 3 year old to care for as well. My other 2 adult children live in London and Manchester. I hadn't really thought about the consequences of living alone with only my left arm in use for many weeks!

icanhandthemback Thank you It was horrible but I did survived to tell the tale.

Living alone and getting old means be prepared by putting in place a programme of help that can be summoned the moment a crisis occurs.

My friends and I often have this conversation. First know what is available. Search the councils services site, look in yellow pages etc. Then explore the internet. You can get aupairs for the elderly - lots of different agencies provide them, in some towns they have co living schemes. I have met many older widows and widowers happy to have bout a flat in supported living accommodation as one person in this thread has said her mother and sister are in the same group of flats. For £ 700 you can get a house keeper for a week. But you need to have this address on your list and to have contacted the agencies so they know your details and above all keep your mobile phone charged and put all the numbers in it.

My husband and I are still togeher, we need help with our garden, and we get help though the internet sites: HelpEx and work away.
www.helpx.net/
www.workaway.info/

When looking after my mother my brother got help from Helpx.