I do believe in being matter of fact and honest whilst also accepting that it is fine to be sad and tearful at times.
My DGC lost their Great Nan after a short illness, a couple of years ago when they were 4, 6 and 8. Their own Mum was totally distraught for a long time as they were very close. We had the children quite a lot at this time and they shed a few tears especially at bed time. They were not allowed to go to the funeral. I was looking after them and at that time we talked about her, how lovely she was and some of the funny things and good times they remembered about her. They seemed to accept that they would not see her again except in their own minds when they thought about her, which is a special kind of memory.
I found it quite difficult to be honest but to also be sensitive to their Mum's beliefs. She told them Nana had gone to be a star in the sky, in heaven. After a little while I found a website where you can name a star. We chose one in Sagittarius, her star sign and received a star map, some information and a certificate explaining that the star now had her name. The children gave it to their other Nan (her daughter). I think she really appreciated it and it also gave the children some closure too, making them feel they had taken part in some celebration of their Great Nan's life.
When their great Grandad (her husband) died about a year later their Mum, again distraught, asked their Dad to tell them. He sat them down and gently told them, 'You know Grandad has been very poorly, well I'm afraid that you won't be able to see him again.' To which youngest DGD responded, 'You mean he's dead!' They were all sad and shed a tear, then had cuddles and went off to play. They now talk fondly about their memories of both of them so I guess they have come to terms with their deaths in a healthy way.
I try to prepare DGC for my own death by being light hearted about it. We talk about things in the future when I 'won't be here' or when something funny happens I might say, 'This is one of the things you'll laugh about when I'm dead!' After all the only sure thing about life is death!
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