Malapropisms, etc.

A lady I work with in the back of the charity shop was oohing and ahhing over a man she could see on the shop floor she kept telling me how gorgeous he looked then came out with a classic 'I need to stop looking or I ll have an organism'

Worked with a lady who used to drink decapitated coffee.

my motherr-in-law - Johnny Matches for Johnny Mathis and Pina Colera for Pina Colada. God help us if we ever picked her up on any of these - we had to stifle laughter.

My grandmother drank typhoid tea and her kitchen walls were runni g with condescension. She would ay 'thats quite imperial ' instead of immaterial. I once heard someone say the washing machine was very erotic these days. My friends husband has arthur-itis and prostrate problems. And as ascienc

I mean a former science teacher I once heard a colleague talking o a class about living orgasms.

Think I've mentioned this on another thread a while ago but think it's worth another mention! I used to have a neighbour who cleaned her sink with Domestless. She was complaining to me one day about her son continually biting his foreskin. After I picked myself up I discovered that she meant he was nibbling the skin on his index finger round his nail!

I was just listening to one of Danny Baker’s podcasts on 5 live, and someone whose friend had a peanut allergy, which would lead to “ intergalactic shock”.
She also liked to drink “ Shangri-La” when on holiday in Spain!

A friend used to deal with facial hair by using dilapidation cream.
Looking in the mirror, I think I might have been using it too!

My DIL has us all in stitches with her words. Wish I could remember some of them now. The latest one that I do is when my grandson and his girlfriend mentioned they were going to the cinema to see “Fifty Shades of Grey” she said you can’t go and see that it’s prawn!!

A friend used to refer to the HSBC as the Hong Kong and Shangri-La Bank. I'm not entirely sure if it was her little joke . Someone else I know says a property has been 'renouverated'. I take it he means 'renovated'. And my gran's neighbour admired a monogamy fireplace in a stately home she'd visited.

My friend was just telling me she was discussing the demise of Crimewatch with her husband. He thought they had done well in lots of cases, but not so well in the murder of “ Jan Dildo”.

Oh, and the prawn post reminded me that the Bodach’s mammy would call clumsy people “ accident prawns”. She also bought a raincoat with “ epileptics” on the shoulders!

My first mother in law used to enjoy a nice glass of Asti Samantha with a slice of kwich.

Malapropism is often known as Dogberrism in Shakespeare's. Some examples are:
- Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you that discerns you nearly. (conference, concerns) - Dogberry, a foolish constable in Much Ado
- Comparisons are odorous (odious) - Dogberry
- We will meet, and there we may rehearse most obscenely (unseen) and courageously. - Nick Bottom- A Midsummer Night's Dream
- He hath a great infection (affection), sir, as one would say, to serve. - Old Gobbo - The Merchant of Venice
- Sir, the contempts thereof are as touching me (contents). - Costard- Love’s Labour’s Lost
You can try the very first Malapropism Android game at: play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.thunkable.android.riddlegoapp.malapropism. It contains hundreds of malapropism examples and fun to play.