Malapropisms, etc.

An ex work colleague was a fund of these!

She completely believed in mahogany (monogamy)

Loved a house for it's "Panasonic" views

Was advised to avoid a particular fish in Egypt because "If you even touched it's utensils (tentacles) you could die"

Her spare glasses made her look like Dave Haemorrhage (Dame Edna Everage)

Mind you, I'm one to talk, I once dashed into DS1's primary school worrying that I had sent the wrong thing in for the white elephant stall, asking them to look out for a decorative plate depicting Scrooge talking to the ghost of Bob Marley

My friend believes that people can have beautiful or nasty 'auroras'.

My aunt used to refer to the change of life as her monoplus!

DM shocked herself by asking me to come and see her penis - meaning pieris.

Thank you all for giving me the best laugh I've had in ages. Mo OH is watching a documentary and thinks I've gone bonkers.

I'm corpsing reading these ......

A fellow pupil and I were thrown out of the PE class during a Scottish country dancing lesson, for naming the dance "Strip the Widow", instead of "Strip the Willow". Being a nun, she was not amused.

My late and much missed grandmother was terribly prudish, a real Victorian. She confused the terms 'vegetarian' and 'lesbian', which though may sometimes be used to describe the same person, are definitely NOT interchangeable!

Absolutely wonderful, all of these! I have been laughing out loud ?. Not quite the same but once someone I know confused (in public) the name Willy Wonker to Wally W..ker, and wondered why we were falling about!! I snigger even now about it.

I was stressed during my A level Geography exam, and on reading back a paragraph on the Far East that I had written in haste, I discovered I had put Honk Honk (instead of Hong Kong). I laughed out loud, and disturbed the peace of the exam hall.

My elderly neighbour calls her clematis her clitorus....
Working for Boots may years ago I on perfumes had request for Catshit...and anus anus.....cachet and Anais Anais

My Mum got mixed up with bollocks and bollards. It led to some interesting conversations. She must have taken fter her mother who once said “I don’t like her, she’s always fornicating over me”. I think she meant fawning}

I was assured by an old lady at the opticians where I work that she had " emaculate regeneration"

Crying with laughter.?

A local lady referred to the local school's dormitories as 'they dormobiles'.....?

friend kept telling me its in the qwa on the computer.confusion abounds she meant que
darling ex husband says hipapapotomas,to this day dont know if it was a joke or not.
mil was a language teacher and we would do
verbal destruction just to make her laugh.
these are all soo funny thank you

Sorry, mimiro what do you mean by "qua" and "que" on the computer?? [a bit slow this morning] emoticon.

Maw, I didn't understand either.

I can never get the words right in the song "let it snow let it snow let it snow" and no matter how I concentrate I still sing
"I bought some porn for cocking" instead of corn for popping .

Best laugh I've had in ages thank you, my sides ache.
Especially love foreskin for forehead and Strip the Widow dance and the son who worked for FBI, not IBM.

My MIL got that many words wrong we took no notice. one day she was in the kitchen singing along to FIL record playing, Arse ola Mia, we didn't correct her.

Another one crying with laughter here. I love 'putting the baby in a quiche..' All hilarious!

Had a friend who, rather full after lunch, took himself off for a miranda and then watched Casuailty. And I kept a straight face!

My mum used to park in the multi car-y store park. Which it was!

One woman referred to her husband's heart attack as a "culinary inclusion" and have met a number of people with "very close veins".