Malapropisms, etc.

Malapropism is often known as Dogberrism in Shakespeare's. Some examples are:
- Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you that discerns you nearly. (conference, concerns) - Dogberry, a foolish constable in Much Ado
- Comparisons are odorous (odious) - Dogberry
- We will meet, and there we may rehearse most obscenely (unseen) and courageously. - Nick Bottom- A Midsummer Night's Dream
- He hath a great infection (affection), sir, as one would say, to serve. - Old Gobbo - The Merchant of Venice
- Sir, the contempts thereof are as touching me (contents). - Costard- Love’s Labour’s Lost
You can try the very first Malapropism Android game at: play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.thunkable.android.riddlegoapp.malapropism. It contains hundreds of malapropism examples and fun to play.

My first mother in law used to enjoy a nice glass of Asti Samantha with a slice of kwich.

My friend was just telling me she was discussing the demise of Crimewatch with her husband. He thought they had done well in lots of cases, but not so well in the murder of “ Jan Dildo”.

Oh, and the prawn post reminded me that the Bodach’s mammy would call clumsy people “ accident prawns”. She also bought a raincoat with “ epileptics” on the shoulders!

A friend used to refer to the HSBC as the Hong Kong and Shangri-La Bank. I'm not entirely sure if it was her little joke . Someone else I know says a property has been 'renouverated'. I take it he means 'renovated'. And my gran's neighbour admired a monogamy fireplace in a stately home she'd visited.

My DIL has us all in stitches with her words. Wish I could remember some of them now. The latest one that I do is when my grandson and his girlfriend mentioned they were going to the cinema to see “Fifty Shades of Grey” she said you can’t go and see that it’s prawn!!

A friend used to deal with facial hair by using dilapidation cream.
Looking in the mirror, I think I might have been using it too!

I was just listening to one of Danny Baker’s podcasts on 5 live, and someone whose friend had a peanut allergy, which would lead to “ intergalactic shock”.
She also liked to drink “ Shangri-La” when on holiday in Spain!

Think I've mentioned this on another thread a while ago but think it's worth another mention! I used to have a neighbour who cleaned her sink with Domestless. She was complaining to me one day about her son continually biting his foreskin. After I picked myself up I discovered that she meant he was nibbling the skin on his index finger round his nail!

I mean a former science teacher I once heard a colleague talking o a class about living orgasms.

My grandmother drank typhoid tea and her kitchen walls were runni g with condescension. She would ay 'thats quite imperial ' instead of immaterial. I once heard someone say the washing machine was very erotic these days. My friends husband has arthur-itis and prostrate problems. And as ascienc

my motherr-in-law - Johnny Matches for Johnny Mathis and Pina Colera for Pina Colada. God help us if we ever picked her up on any of these - we had to stifle laughter.

Worked with a lady who used to drink decapitated coffee.

A lady I work with in the back of the charity shop was oohing and ahhing over a man she could see on the shop floor she kept telling me how gorgeous he looked then came out with a classic 'I need to stop looking or I ll have an organism'

One woman referred to her husband's heart attack as a "culinary inclusion" and have met a number of people with "very close veins".

My mum used to park in the multi car-y store park. Which it was!

Had a friend who, rather full after lunch, took himself off for a miranda and then watched Casuailty. And I kept a straight face!

Another one crying with laughter here. I love 'putting the baby in a quiche..' All hilarious!

My MIL got that many words wrong we took no notice. one day she was in the kitchen singing along to FIL record playing, Arse ola Mia, we didn't correct her.

Best laugh I've had in ages thank you, my sides ache.
Especially love foreskin for forehead and Strip the Widow dance and the son who worked for FBI, not IBM.

I can never get the words right in the song "let it snow let it snow let it snow" and no matter how I concentrate I still sing
"I bought some porn for cocking" instead of corn for popping .

Maw, I didn't understand either.

Sorry, mimiro what do you mean by "qua" and "que" on the computer?? [a bit slow this morning] emoticon.

friend kept telling me its in the qwa on the computer.confusion abounds she meant que
darling ex husband says hipapapotomas,to this day dont know if it was a joke or not.
mil was a language teacher and we would do
verbal destruction just to make her laugh.
these are all soo funny thank you

A local lady referred to the local school's dormitories as 'they dormobiles'.....?

I was assured by an old lady at the opticians where I work that she had " emaculate regeneration"

Crying with laughter.?