Malapropisms, etc.

Menstrual cyclone would fit what my DD suffers every month, before and during.

My mum is a nervous flyer. She was flying alone one time when there was turbulence. The lady next to her could see my mum's distress so took her hand and said kindly 'don't worry dear it's only terminal'!!
During a stay in hospital recently my mum was a bit disoriented. On the phone she told me she didn't know if she was 'arther or marther' and wondered why I laughed. When I explained I thought it was a bit late in life to be confused her sexual orientation she was horrified as she'd been telling the nurses that!! She hadn't felt she could say arse from elbow in the hospital bless her.
I have a Portuguese friend who sometimes mixes her English up. She told her husband not to beat himself around the bush ?

My FIL worked as a car park attendant at Blenheim Palace after retirement. He always talked about limerines (limousines). He also used to call Doberman dogs Dormobiles. His wife could never remember the word 'hysterectomy' and often mentioned her 'ectostretna'. I once referred to a mural as a Muriel a la Hilda Ogden and she used the word from then on. I didn't have the nerve to tell her it was a joke.
These mistakes and others became every day words amongst the family.

This is such fun to read! Glad to see I'm not alone in doing "funnies". Very often mix "kitchen" with "chicken". But I am French speaking! That's my excuse and sticking to it

One that particularly sticks in my mind is when my MIL called her friend Mrs Nipples! Her name was actually Pennells.

I had to point out to my mother (after I had grown up) that "foreskin" does not mean the skin on a person's forehead.

On of Daddy's cousins had as a child talked about "oogur" instead of sugar and that lived on in the family.

I remember insisting that curtains should be undrawn in the morning, as I found it strange that "to draw the curtains" can either mean to close or to open them. Grannie corrected me on that one!

One of my mums friends told us that her son had passed his HIV License and was now qualified to drive ejaculated lorries.

My friend is still convinced, 50 years on, that she passed her driving test in a Ford Angular!

Back in the 90s at the height of the salmonella-in-eggs scare, an elderly lady asked me why they were putting semolina in eggs.

Here#s a recent one, and by a BBC newsreader no less!

About a month ago, with Kim and trump exchanging insults, this man said they were exasperating the situation!

....mind you, it's not a bad comment, is it??

Lovely old lady who looked after us as children, did a mixed wash in our first ever washing machine and complained that our white socks had come out with a pink twinge. We were on strict instructions never to laugh at the funnies she came out with.

Woman wbo lived in our street according to mum was very effluent

My neighbour always used Durex when he was decorating, said it went on more easily than cheaper brands.

My mums next door neighbour said it was time to go indoors after a day spent sitting in the garden, as the "flying midgets" were starting to appear.

My friends mum always called the Cash and Carry which had just opened The Smash and Grab.

When my sister in law moved into their new bungalow, she had got rid of a lot of their stuff and was aiming for a "mimalistic" look!

A friend's husband had ordered a new car and I asked her what kind it was. "I think it's a Chiseller", she said.

The old lady next door to me was most indignant when she came back from a hospital stay " The doctor told me it was a sciatica hospital, but it was full of mad people!"

My MIL once said she'd been to Utter Exeter and her MIL said she loved Dodorendums in the garden. Love em.

DM's sturdy new shoes were Husky Puffs!
I thought that a poetic term for a happy time was 'halycon' days for years. Then I failed to find the word in a dictionary when wondering about its derivation but found 'halcyon' came from a type of kingfisher.
A enthusiastic and (over) confident teacher told her class about 'raccoon' pottery. She also gave a science lesson on 'matters of state'.

When I was a child I told my mum a midget had bitten me. I meant midge, and she found it hilarious. I also liked "damsel" jam.

My auntie Doris was a regular Mrs Malaprop, my cousin had an 'en croute' bathroom, and her husband an 'herbaceous hernia' !!

Judy park, loool !

I enjoyed hearing John Prescott giving an interviewer his views on Britex

DH can't understand why I'm crying here. Just love the "en croute" bathroom!

When we were 18 my friend and I went on holiday to Spain. Her grandmother told us to "watch them Spaniels".