Am I overreacting?

Hi Rolande - 1. your sister's behaviour does not sound like a bi-polar disorder, and anyway you say she is undiagnosed and that this is just your suspicion. Others have thought her behaviour to be more like a personality disorder and there are many kinds of these, but borderline personality disorder is a dangerous one (don't think borderline is an indication of 'not really' - it means that the person borders on really loving another, or really hating them. They idealise certain people and then when they don't come up to expectations they hate them. You don't say what it was about your sister that you miss, or how long ago that was. Your own memories of her 'good' side may themselves be flawed - she may only have been 'good' because she was reflecting your coming up to her expectations. Essentially, people with borderline personality disorder are totally self-absorbed, they can't appreciate other people's motivations and believe that their own take on life is always right. This means they have difficulty in sustaining relationships. If you think this sounds like your sister, think very carefully about laying yourself open to her pranks because she will never understand how much she might hurt you, and will drain you of all energy.

My husband is Bi-Polar- undiagnosed for many years & put down to depression. He is now absolutely fine & on meds for life. I don't think it is Bi-Polar by the sound of it. His mood swings could last for months - I know this is not always the case. He wouldn't do mean or nasty things although he was totally thoughtless- he would either be everybody's best mate & spending loads of money or he would be really down & not want to see anyone or do anything.
It may well be a type of depression though so needs to be checked out. Trouble is she will not want to admit it or get any help.
TBH I'd stay away from her if you can unless you are prepared to put yourself through a lot of heartache & many months/years of supporting her through thick & thin with no thanks & a lot of abuse.
He is my husband & it was worth it to see him so well now but then I have never had a sister so I cannot judge.
My advice is to keep clear if you can.

She is your sister ?

Only you can decide if the relationship is worth dealing with this kind of disturbing joking.
As personality disorders have been mentioned, apparently Borderline Personality Disorder is often misdiagnosed as bipolar and obviously many people are not diagnosed as they haven't come to the attention of the mental health system.

This might be because your sister is not capable of empathy, and possibly why she has fallen out with so many people. If she is insensitive enough to think you should find this matter a joke, then you could see why so many people have cut her out of their lives. She is probably to be pitied for this and if you can find it in your heart to ignore the silly seemingly uncaring bits of her behaviour and enjoy the rest, then you may well be one of the only anchors that she has in her less than happy life.

Your sister's reaction for having her remove a 'spider' FB post could simply be a clumsy attempt at curing you of arachnophobia. As long as she doesn't send you a real, live spider, I would probably give this one a pass.

My daughter has bipolar disorder and I'm often shocked by the stigma and great lack of knowledge there still is surrounding mental health issues. My advice to anyone who 'thinks' or knows that someone has bipolar disorder or any other condition is to learn as much as possible and actually talk to the person rather than go by hearsay or general misconceptions. My daughter faces some sort of prejudice on an almost daily basis but she completed her degree in between bouts of illness, has a full time job, has recently married, owns her home and now engages in public speaking in the hope of raising a better awareness of mental health and the very many people it affects. As she says - she is no longer embarrassed by the fact that she's a bit different, quirky - she embraces it!

People don't really change. Of course you want a lovely relationship with your sister - but get real. A minimal but civil contact is all that is going to happen without you constantly being hurt/upset/wondering if it is your fault (it's not). Don't be drawn in.

I agree with Petra I would not be getting in touch with her again. If you do get in touch again, make sure she knows that what she did is wrong. It is very unkind to do this to someone with a phobia.

I agree with those who say this behaviour sounds more down to personality than bi polar. Bi polar and borderline personality disorder can be similar but - bi polar is more likely to respond positively to medication than BPD.
Missing the 'nice side' is understandable, as is the sympathy expressed by some here about your sisters need for support. Given she's cut herself off from everyone in her family and doesn't maintain friendships, any relationship you have with her is likely to be fraught to conflict and drama. Sorry to sound harsh - it's up to you of course what you do. Do take care of yourself .

It was remarkably good of you to reach out to your sister. What she did was cruel and sick and, as Barmy Old Bat said, she did it not once but twice.

She's your sister, yes, but that works both ways. She should be considerate to you just as you've been to her. Of course it's up to you to decide how much you're willing to put up with, but it will be very bad for both of you if she keeps doing attention-seeking, 'testing,' unfeeling things. You won't be doing her any favours by letting her get away with hurting you.

If this is a mental disorder then I certainly pity your sister, but unless she's willing to get help - and given her history it doesn't sound very likely - chances are she will probably go on causing you a lot of pain. The most important thing is that you must not let yourself feel guilty, and you mustn't let yourself be a punching-bag or a doormat. Whatever happens, remember that you did the right and kind thing by trying when most people would not.

If she's ill, you can't cure her. If she's someone who used to be lovely but has become immature, and let life make her selfish, odds are that you can't change that either.

This must be so painful for you. It hurts so much when you open your heart only to be slapped in the face; rather mixing metaphors there! I hope things will work out, as you're clearly a very loving and forgiving person who deserves to have that love reciprocated. As one who shares your phobia, I admire you even more for being willing to even think of continuing the relationship after seeing that photo! I must admit I would have cut her out of my life there and then!

Take care of yourself ... I don't know how to do the hugs thing but am sending hugs!

I do not like pranks. It's getting a laugh at someone else's expense. Perhaps if you want to get a better relationship with your sister, you could gently explain that to her. And then get on with a more understanding bond.

I agree with mum of mad boys, I would totally dismiss it.

Its a very childish thing for her to do and no reaction on your part would not fire her aggravating nature!

I agree with Glen640 & am sad there is so much prejudice. It's great your daughter can embrace it. My sister in law was eventually diagnosed with Bi polar & it can be a horrid condition taking many forms. I find it very challenging as it's hard to know where the condition ends & self-centred behaviour begins but it is so important to keep some level of link & support as we would for a physical illness. My SiL has upset many friends & family & most now steer clear. She soread rumours about us all & blames her parents for awful things they didn't do over & over again. She divorced her husband though she now says he divorced her. We tried to warn the solicitor (in Australia, that she was ill but she was so plausible and had a story about all the family ganging up against her, he believed her. The burden has been put on her 4 children with families of their own & living a long way off but her ex has risked his new relationship by supporting her in many practical ways and ensuring she has a lawyer & accountant who understand her condition. So though a proper diagnosis is needed to be sure, your sister's behaviour Trisha, fits our experience of b-p though many mh conditions share behaviours. Stand by her if you can but do protect yourself. Support can take many forms & can keep her at arm's length if she uosets you too much.